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Guy Upsets His Fiancée By Giving His Honest Opinion About The Wedding Dress She Purchased

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Weddings, lavish and stressful, are back on the agenda as pandemic protocols are lifted.

One groom to be turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with his fiancée over an important part of their upcoming nuptials.

Redditor paolde asked:

“AITA for telling my fiancée I don’t like her wedding dress?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So my fiancée and I are getting married in 9 months.”

“She’s been dress shopping with her girls for months now. She found the dress she loved and bought it, and was too excited to keep it a secret.”

“She showed me pics of the bridesmaids’ dresses and I told her they were pretty, they match my groomsmens’ suits really well.”

“Anyway, she brought her dress out and asked what I thought. I specifically asked her if she wants the God’s honest truth and wants me to critique the dress or if she knows she loves it and just wants to show me.”

“She said she wanted my opinion.”

“She put the dress on and came out of the bathroom and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed. She’s a beautiful woman and looks incredible in anything of course, but the dress completely dwarfed her and didn’t really fit the wedding theme she has worked so hard for.”

“She wanted a foresty, magical and whimsical, type theme. Flower crowns on the bridesmaids etc…”

“But she chose a super sparkly dress with a HUGE skirt, which looked nothing like the simple, body hugging sexy dresses she had been repeatedly showing me. She picked basically a huge Disney princess dress and I just didn’t like how it looked at all.”

“I was honest when I told her I didn’t like it and I was surprised she picked it because it just doesn’t seem to match her and I just thought it was too much poof and sparkle.”

“She got really quiet and stormed back upstairs, and then stormed out of the house and went to her Mom’s. Texted me saying she couldn’t believe I would say I didn’t like it and what a d*ckhead I am and has blocked my number.”

“This is our first major fight and I’m just so annoyed because I ASKED if she wanted a real opinion and she said yes.”

“AITA for telling her I don’t like the dress?”

The OP returned to add an extra detail to the story.

“I read my credit card statement. The dress was $9,000.00.”

“Might help explain the reaction.”

“‘Oh you don’t like this $9,000.00 dress? Great cause I can’t return it!’ probably went thru her head.”

“I don’t know what to do but sit here and laugh. Is laugh crying a thing?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors had a lot thoughts on this, but ultimately decided everyone was the a**hole (ESH).

“ESH. Y’all had your first fight ever and she… Blocked your number? That’s pretty over the top.”

“She clearly loves this dress so you should have altered your feedback a little. She asked your opinion, but she also already bought and loves the dress.”

“It’s a little late for her to ask your opinion.” ~ MPBoomBoom22

“Oh OP. Maybe you’re not an a**hole. But you’re an idiot.”

“She has bought the dress. Thousands have been spent on it. You can’t return it.”

“So now she has to fork out a sh*t ton more money to buy her second choice gown or wear something she knows you don’t like.”

“No matter what she will now feel sh*tty about her clothes on your wedding day.”

“What possible good could come of telling her you don’t like the dress SHE ALREADY BOUGHT!”

“Tell her that with some minor alterations you would love it. That it was just that it didn’t fit quite right or that some of the sparkles were wrong.”

“Pick something SHE CAN FIX. Then maybe you can save her feelings.” ~ Daytripsinsidecars

“Completely agree, but I’m also concerned about her coping mechanisms when it comes to conflict.”

“Maybe it’s the upcoming wedding, but she not only went to her parents and refused to talk. But she also blocked Op too which, in my opinion, is going too far.” ~ AnimalLover38

“Light ESH. Basically the same judgement as everyone else.”

“I think if you explain you were just taken aback by the fact it didn’t match the theming she had originally been showing you and then said stupid boyfriend stuff in response you should be good.”

“I liked the idea presented above, point out something that is easily fixable on the dress and stick with that being the thing that caught you off guard.”

“Godspeed sir, Godspeed.” ~ jbroy15

“ESH. You are a fool for thinking she wanted an honest, blunt answer.”

“She is a fool for asking for an honest opinion when she didn’t want one. Fools abound!” ~ bumblingenius

“ESH. As an Admiral I know once said, ‘It’s a trap!'”

“Here’s how you get out of it: A neutral statement followed by ‘How do you feel in it?'”

“If the question is ‘Do I look fat?’ or something similar, then the responding question is ‘What makes you ask that?’”

“’Do you like my dress? Honest answer!’ ‘It’s very sparkly. How do you feel in it?’”

“Her answer will tell you what she’s looking for. There are three variations:”

“1. ‘I feel like the prettiest princess to ever princess!’ – I feel beautiful and want you see me as such.”

“Focus on the underlying truth that she’s always beautiful to you, you love how it makes her feel, you can tell by her face how happy she is, etc…”

“2. ‘I like it but am not sure it’s right’. – I don’t feel comfortable for some reason and need your help to figure out why.”

“Give honest criticism but keep the focus away from her body. ‘The shape of the dress pulls my attention to your waist. Is that what you wanted?’ or ‘I don’t see how this works with our theme. Do you think it fits?’ or ‘This is so unlike what you usually wear that I’m caught off guard. Do you feel comfortable in it? Talk me through why you chose this dress so I can see it like you do’.”

“3. ‘I’ll tell you after you tell me your thoughts’. – This is a test of our love and you need to say what I want without me telling you what that is.”

“People who do this are either having an off, insecure moment or have problems dealing with their insecurity, either in the relationship or generally.”

“The response to this is not to play. ‘My thoughts are that the most important thing is you feel beautiful on our wedding day. Does this make you feel beautiful?’ or ‘I think you need to make this choice for yourself. If there’s something you’re unsure about I’m happy to help’.”

“The fact that she left your home over this is telling. It may be embarrassment over spending a large amount of money on something you don’t like, hurt feelings that you don’t love something that clearly makes her happy, or anger over you not passing her test of always knowing what she wants and agreeing with her every decision.”

“Regardless, leaving and blocking your number suggests she has a problem dealing with arguments and conflict in a healthy way. Make sure you work through that together before you tie the knot.” ~ EmpressJainaSolo

“ESH. Her for blocking your number after asking for your opinion and for spending $9,000 on a dress without telling you.”

“You, on the other hand, could probably work on being more tactful while being honest.” ~ leemasterific

“ESH—here’s why, yes obviously he should have held in the criticism as this is quite the rather large and expensive/sentimental and probably one of the most important things she will purchase in her lifetime.”

“BUT she was the one to show you before the wedding and maybe before alterations were done which may make the dress look weird if it doesn’t fit.”

“ALSO here’s why you should probably wait for wedding day: hair, makeup, accessories, ambiance, and just pure wedding bliss would probably change your prospective on the dress as opposed to just seeing her throw it on in her living room in her socks…”

“You get my drift? As excited as she was she should have waited till wedding day or gone dress shopping with you, because obv your opinion really matters to her. Just my thoughts.” ~ dwal1234

“ESH only bc there’s no letter code for a facepalm. A wedding dress in your bedroom for show and tell months before the wedding is nothing like a well tailored, perfect fitting gown walking down the aisle with hair and make up, music and flowers, and all the people you love.”

“Trust me. She will be beautiful, her dress will be gorgeous, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t like it.”

“Now, go eat crow, and don’t stop being super excited for the upcoming wedding for the next 9 months.”

“Oh, and as for it not being what she talked about…a wedding dress is like a wizard’s wand; you don’t choose the gown, it chooses you.” ~ _ItsTheLittleThings_

Weddings can be stressful if a couple lets them be.

Clearly this couple has fallen down that hole.

Hopefully they can dig their way out before the big day.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.
Member of NAJA.