Redditor aitaopenrela has a friend from college named, “Nick,” who wants to try an open relationship with his fiancée, “Sophie”.
She was opposed to the idea at first but eventually acquiesced.
But the new arrangement didn’t pan out the way Nick had hoped.
When our Redditor told Nick how he really felt about the resulting course of events, drama ensued.
He visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that he got exactly what he wanted and he needs to stop being selfish?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“I have an old college friend Nick(32m), he has a fiancee Sophie(24f). They’ve been together 3 years and Nick has repeatedly suggested an open relationship to which Sophie has refused.”
“Until a few months ago when he said he’d only propose if she agreed to try an open relationship. She agreed.”
“I said to him at the time that he was an a** for it and he said he was just ‘acting in his best interests.'”
“Now Nick wanted an open relationship so he could see Anna (29 female) a girl we knew from college who he always had a thing for but she was married from when she was 18-26 so he never had a chance till recently.”
“He hasn’t had a chance to see her yet because she had been living with her sick mum and they can’t afford to rent a hotel room.”
“Now the issue is that Nick showed up at my house last weekend with a suitcase absolutely livid and asked to crash on my couch.”
“He said Sophie had gone out to dinner and had sex with a male model and that she was cheating because he hadn’t had the chance to see Anna and it was unfair for her to see someone so much hotter than Anna (not that Anna isn’t attractive).”
“I basically laughed at him and told him this is exactly what was going to happen and that he was being selfish expecting Sophie not to see anyone or to see people less attractive than her(she’s very attractive and I don’t know why she’s with Nick tbh).”
“He went off on me for not being supportive and stormed out and is trying to turn our friend group against me fir not supporting him.”
“I’ve taken a few days to think about it but I still can’t decide, am I TA?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. Wanting an open relationship because one person from your past is now single is a HUGE red flag and I hope Sophie realizes that soon and leaves him.”
“You are not TA for pointing out that Nick got what he asked for.” – CalyKade
“NTA. Dude didn’t want an open relationship. He just wanted permission to cheat.”
“I hope Sophie has realized that the grass IS greener on the other side.” – Parking-Ad-1952
“NTA He doesn’t want an open relationship, he wants to date whoever he wants without any repercussions while his girlfriend has to be 100% loyal to him.”
‘he said he was just “acting in his best interests.”‘
“Translation:- ‘I only care about myself so everything I do is justified if it benefits me.'” – Misenica
“NTA. Your friend set no proper terms in regards to the open relationship (Boundaries, limitations, rules, you know… reasonable things to do if you want a healthy non-monogamous relationship).”
“He set no terms, so he doesn’t get to complain. They opened the relationship, and this was the result. He’s just jealous he hasn’t gotten to play with his long-lost toy yet while his partner is banging a model.”
“He also is trying to claim it was cheating because he needed to do the deed first to feel that her non-monogamy was justified (Or worse, only he get to step out of the relationship while she remains faithful).”
“There is nothing justified in opening a relationship and then demanding your partner who finally agrees to the open relationship wait on the bench until you’ve had your fun.”
Your friend, to put it plainly, is an idiot. If he can’t see the worth of his current partner when they were in a monogamous relationship, then he can’t get pissy when she finally decides she has enough value for herself to let herself have something he can’t give her.”
“Clearly he is lacking something enough for her to go after someone else so fast.”
“Honestly, he doesn’t sound like he’s capable of being in a serious relationship if he can’t remain committed or at least be fair and respectful if the relationship opened.”
“Sophie needs to realize she is worth more than this guy can ever give her and dump him and find someone who is actually willing to remain faithful to her (Because, clearly that’s what she actually wanted).”
“I think you should talk to Sophie too, because she deserves to know what kind of scummy guy she’s engaged to. Not only does he want to bang his college crush, but wants to do so under the guise of an open relationship while he expects Sophie to keep faithful… and then has the audacity to shame you in your friend group for calling him on his crappy behavior.”
“This guy sounds like a real peach, and honestly, you may want to have a talk with Anna too about this since it sounds like it will hurt her too.”
“Cause I doubt this guy is going to be honest about his engagement status – especially given Anna was in a relationship with someone else while he pinned away for her.”
“And Anna deserves to also know what she’s getting into before she makes any emotional/mental/sexual investments in this guy (because by all other accounts he’s a taken man and she won’t be able to go anywhere with him – IE: She won’t be able to marry him since he’s engaged to be married, etc.).” – Affectionate_Pipe_11
Overall, Redditors thought Nick was being irrational since the open relationship has not benefitted him first before Sophie slept with the male model.
Nick failed to grasp the concept that an open relationship is a mutually consented agreement in which both parties enjoy the benefits.
Redditors also suggested Sophie should consider leaving Nick before walking down the aisle.