More often than not, there is at least one thing about one’s partner with which they disagree.
It could be something fairly minor, such as pineapple on pizza, or city life over country living.
Sometimes, however, the differences are more fundamental, such as political or religious views.
For many, their love might be so strong that they don’t let these differences get in their way.
Others might find it an unavoidable barrier which they will never be likely to break.
Redditor throwaway-thewedding knew that his fiancé came from a family whose upbringing was very different to his.
And as a result, the original poster (OP) knew that they didn’t see eye to eye on several issues.
But the OP found himself surprised by a demand she made for their upcoming wedding.
A demand so extreme, it led him to question if he wanted the wedding to proceed.
Wondering if he was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA if I called off my wedding because my fiancé does not want my son to bring his boyfriend to the wedding?”
The OP shared how even though he became a father at a younger age than he expected, his son is none the less hands down his proudest achievement in every way.
“My son was born when I was only 15 years old, and I’ve been a single dad since I was 18.”
“It was hard living for a long time money-wise but I always tried to do best by my son.”
“Today I own my own gym and my son is now 22 and going to college and works at my gym full-time.”
“He came out to me when he was 14 years old and I’ve always been supportive of him and his identity.”
Sadly, the OP discovered that his fiancé was less accepting than he was about his son’s sexual orientation, leading him to question their future plans.
“I’ve been with my fiancé now for about 2 years and while she does come from a very deep religious and conservative family, she has never had any issue with my son.”
“At least nothing she has ever expressed to me.”
“My son has been dating his boyfriend since he was 18 and I’ve gotten to know him really well.”
“However my fiancé told me recently that she does not want my son’s boyfriend to come to the wedding nor does she want her parents to even get the inclination that my son is gay.”
“That if they found out, they would have a complete fit.”
“This really bothered me because I refuse to ask my son to go back in the closet.”
“What is going to happen in the future?”
“When my son gets married himself?”
“Will they want him and his husband barred from other family events?”
“He’s my son and will be the best man and it would be unfair to deny him a plus one because her family has an issue with gay people.”
“When I told her this, she got very angry with me and told me that I was being selfish and over-dramatic.”
“That it would just be for this one day, that she wants the perfect wedding.”
“I told her that this was unacceptable and that I was not going to ask my son not to bring his boyfriend.”
“It’s my wedding too and I was his boyfriend there.”
“After that I got the silent treatment for a day and since then it hasn’t been discussed again.”
“However, it has left an extremely bad taste in my mouth and has me contemplating calling the wedding off.”
“I do not want to marry into a family that would potentially discriminate against my son.”
“I love my fiancé very much but my son will always come first.”
“I told my brother and he said that I was being the a**hole here.”
“That it would just be for one day and that since my son is an adult, it’s unlikely that he would have that much interaction with his ‘step grandparents’ in the future anyway.”
“I still don’t feel comfortable about the entire situation and am really thinking about calling the wedding off.”
“Would I be the a**hole if I did this?”
“Am I being unreasonable here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole if he decided to cancel the wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP was doing the right thing by standing by his son, and was correct in questioning if he wanted to marry into a family who wouldn’t accept his son and his boyfriend.
“It’s not one day, it’s the rest of your life, unless you never plan on hanging with the new in-laws again.”
“Does she EVER plan on telling them?”- TheVue221
“This also applies for you.”
“She’s being selfish and over-dramatic.”
“It is just for one day and you want the perfect wedding.”
“She should be upset with her parents.”
“If they make a stink at the wedding, then her family is who ruined the wedding.”
“If they can’t handle a man just being himself, then they aren’t well adjusted.”
“I would also be reconsidering things in this situation.”
“I wouldn’t want my kids being worried about if they’re being treated differently by family.”- SelfANew
“As a straight man with a gay son this brought a tear to my eye.”
“Don’t let her create this rift between you and your son!”
“Don’t! I have little doubt your son may forgive you but it will hurt and it is completely unnecessary!”
“Clearly, your SO thinks this is HER wedding and not OURS.”- RusticSurgery
“As a gay man I agree that you shouldn’t ask your son to go back in the closet.”
“I believe you’re also right that it wont just be one day, it will be an issue during any family event that your future in laws and son would both be attending.”
“You care about your son’s well being and your wife wants her family’s bigotry to trump his well being.”
“Ultimately it’s your decision on what to do, but I only hope you continue to be a good father.”- fersure4
“This is what we call an impasse.”
“I hope you can resolve it.”- iamduh
“YWBTA if you allowed your fiancee to win on this.”
“It’s really gross and disgusting that she isn’t willing to accept your son and his partner into her/ your new family, especially at your wedding.”
“NTA if you ended things.”
“Not accepting your gay son, and all that comes along with it, is a deal breaker, absolutely.”- 4evercreatureteachin
“She wants the perfect wedding.”
“So it should be with the perfect man who would love his son unconditionally.”
“She’s right, it won’t be the perfect wedding.”
“So you should tell her to find someone who will give that to her.”
“Kids come first.”
“I don’t want you to call off a wedding but man.”
“His could definitely be a big red flag.”
“Like you mentioned, when your son finds a husband, is he banned from family events?”
“Gotta hide him in the family photos?”
“This woman should love all of you and part of you is your son.”- OFFICIALMichi
“She needs to realize that she came into your life with your son already present, and that her relationship with you isn’t going to take priority over your relationship with him.”
“She can’t expect the dynamic of your relationship to change to fit her needs.”
“I understand wanting a hassle free wedding, but when you marry, you marry into a family.”
“Your son is you family.”
“You love your son entirely, and she and her family can’t behave around someone they may disapprove of for a day, I may reconsider joining her family.”- polichomp
“Ahe is choosing her families bigotry over your son’s happiness.”
“This will be a common theme.”
“Due to her upbringing she most likely has some prejudice against gay people and her ‘perfect wedding’ is pretending your son is straight.”- DeathBahamutXXX
“Holy cow NTA.”
“You should also seriously reconsider marrying this person.”
“Your son’s feelings take obvious priority of the feelings of your in laws, who aren’t even related to your son.”- WitchWithDesignerBag
“She did you a big favor and saved you a bunch of heartache and money by showing you her true colors.”
“Who would ask their future spouse to do that to their son.”
“You deserve better and your son is lucky to have you as a father.”- gopaddleout
While weddings are primarily about the union between two people in love, they are also about two families coming together.
If the family of the OP’s fiancée can’t welcome his son into their family with the love he deserves, then it is fair for the OP to question if moving forward with the wedding is a good idea.
Their future is ultimately in the hands of the OP’s fiancé, and if she’s really willing to end this relationship to appease her bigoted parents.