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Woman Livid After Fiancée Won’t Put Her Name On Deed To House He Bought Before They Met

A couple argues in a hallway, in a home
gorodenkoff/Getty Images

The topic of finances is rarely a sexy discussion.

Even when everyone is deeply in love and committed.

Personal money and combined money can cause a stir.

Sometimes certain topics need more time and maybe a mediator.

Case in point…

Redditor throwawayhouseprobl wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for being mad at my fiancé because he told me he wouldn’t add my name to the house after we get married?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My fiancé (28 M[ale]) and I (26 F[emale]) started dating 3 years ago and I can’t wait to be with him for the rest of my life, but I think I might have messed up.”

“We got engaged three months ago and are planning on getting married in November.”

“And last night, we were discussing some things about the wedding and the topic of our finical plan for once we are married, which is where the argument started.”

“I asked him when I would be added onto the deed for the house.”

“Background: When my fiancée was 23, his uncle died and left him a huge inheritance which has basically set him up for life.”

“Especially since he doesn’t like super flashy things and only really spends money on his hobbies.”

“And for the first two years, after he struggled to date because he was always worried the girl he was dating was using him.”

“I moved in with my fiancé a year into our relationship, and he has never charged me for any bills and only expects me to pay for any luxury items I want.”

“9 months ago, me and my fiancé had a discussion in which he asked me if I wanted to stop working because I worked as a teacher, and he could tell that my work wasn’t making me happy.”

“Which he was right. We came to the agreement that I would stop working and set some ground rules.”

“The ground rules include that he would give me an allowance every month and that he expected me to not just sit at home all day on my phone because he wants me to find hobbies and passions because we both don’t want children.”

“I was totally on board with the rules, and quitting really helped my mental health.”

“So when I brought up having my name added to the house deed, he got really quiet.”

“He told me that he didn’t feel comfortable adding my name to the deed as the house had been fully paid off by him before we had even met.”

“And he felt that he is the one responsible for all the payments.”

“This made me upset because I thought he was trying to say that I was using him and we are getting married, so I thought the house would become ‘ours.'”

“He told me that things will become ours, but this was the first house he ever bought and that he wanted to keep something for himself.”

“He told me that if we decide to change houses or have one built, which we have discussed before, he would have both our names put on the deed.”

“This made me more upset because if he is willing to do it on the possible next house, why can’t he do it for our current house?”

“We got into an argument, and I left to go to my sister’s apartment and texted my friend about the situation, and she told me that I was being an AH and overreacting.”

“But I don’t see it that way, and I think he should be willing to put my name on the deed.”

“Am I overreacting and throwing away a good relationship? Or is he being an AH by not seeing my side?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA… you have a free ride, and you’re being exactly what he’s afraid of.”

“This is his house that he paid for and that you had no hand in at all.”

“Now you want it, and it’s suspicious, and you already have wayyyy more than normal relationships would ever give you.” ~ BriefHorror

“I don’t know.”

“This sounds like trouble for their relationship down the line.”

“She should have her own source of income in the end.”

“It’s nice to be able to take a break for a few months or years because of a supportive partner, but in the end, get your sh*t straight and figure out what you want to do.”

“Plus, it sounds like a setup (probably unintentional) but still a setup.”

“Notice how dude’s afraid of being used that way than after some time passes offers it himself.”

“Have a feeling he doesn’t know what he’s offering nor how to handle all parts of such agreement, and neither does she.”

“It’s a freaking fiasco waiting to happen.”

“She should take care of her income if she wants to have even footing in that relationship.”  ~ Vast_Extreme4562

“Maybe it’s because I’ve got many years of life experience on OP, but I would feel very uncomfortable being fully reliant on someone else.”

“I’d still want my own money and to contribute.”

“I wouldn’t argue if he wanted to pay for a nice vacation or something like that, but not 100% of everything.”

“What happens in 20 years if he leaves her and she has no savings, retirement, or healthcare.”  ~ Taminella_Grinderfal

“Yeah, I don’t see any red flags here.”

“He’s not expecting a clean home and Cooked dinner (which would be a red flag).”

“He’s literally trying to get here to follow her dreams.”

“Which is risky, but I would kill for a partner who wanted to do that for me, and possibly is the biggest green flag I’ve ever seen.”

“Especially as he said she would be on the deed to the house he is thinking of building.”

“He probably wants to share everything with the right person and wants real connections.”

“I have a friend who went poor to rich with his company making 250k a month after tax. It’s one of the biggest things on his mind.”

“He just wants someone to love him for him.”

“This lady, however, is a red flag.”  ~ mrfloopysaysmeow

OP came back with some deets…

“I just woke up after posting this last night and have been reading through a lot of the comments, and I know that I messed up, and I’m already planning on apologizing to my fiancée.”

“I wanted to answer some common questions people were asking me.”

“I called the money my fiancée gives me an ‘allowance,’ and some people said that it was a red flag.”

“That is the word I use to describe it, but it’s really more of a salary as my fiancée has me listed as an employee at one of his companies to make it all legal and so that I can have health insurance and it is all in a legal contract.”

“His idea that protects me in case we do split up.”

“My allowance is five grand a month which I know is a lot, and I’m realizing that my fiance has put me in a financial position most people would die for, and I need to acknowledge that.”

“Some people have also talked about how much money my fiancée has.”

“I don’t know the exact number.”

“But he has told me the range and shown me his finances and has told me based on what we spend now, we could live this way for another 100 years.”

“I will talk about a prenup with him if he still wants to be together.”

Reddit continued…

“She quit her job based on his suggestion.”

“So now she is entering into a marriage where she has no income and no control over the assets.”

“It creates a situation that is rife with opportunity for financial abuse and she is right to want to have some sort of guarantee of financial security.”

“It’s something they need to work out and come to an agreement that protects both of them.”

“She posted an edit clarifying some things after I posted this.”

“Since time is linear, I did not have any of the information in the edit when I posted my comment.”

“That she already has a legal contract protecting her ‘allowance’ in case of a breakup, that addresses a lot of potential concerns I (and many others, despite being shouted down) saw in the original post.”

“So she seems to know already she overreacted about the house and is going to fix it.”

“I’ll just add that I think it’s pretty funny that everyone viewed her as lazy and privileged.”

“Ignoring that the fiancée appears to have gotten an 8-figure inheritance from the money he did nothing to earn himself when he was 23 years old.”

“They are both very lucky people to be in the situation they are in.”  ~ Mountain_Affect3782

“Premarital assets are generally kept separate.”

“So you’re right. She’s entering a marriage, and she has no income or assets, but to expect to gain control of a share of premarital assets like the house is also a huge red flag.”

“So if they ever separate, should she be entitled to 50% of the house she didn’t purchase?”

“In divorce, it’s generally treated as things each person owned prior to the relationship as that person’s.”

“So it’s unreasonable for OP to expect to be given partial ownership of the house.”  ~ Applesauce_Wisperer

“OP could’ve stayed at their job then.”

“They’ve never had to pay a single bill living with their fiancée, and they expect to be put into a deed that wasn’t inherited by them?”

“That’s not realistic, and they’re doing exactly what their partner feared someone might.”

“OP is a grown adult and did not have to agree to a suggestion of not having to work.”

“It doesn’t sound like they were pressured into it or anything like that.”

“Not exactly TA, but you definitely shouldn’t feel so entitled to the house his uncle gave him.”  ~ trblniya

Well, OP, sounds like Reddit thinks you made need to do some deeper thinking here.

Not letting money cause problems in a relationship can be difficult.

But it’s not impossible.

Good luck.