For all the joy and excitement that come with planning a wedding, there’s more than its fair share of stress.
Especially when others start sharing their input about the wedding.
Even though none of these people should really have any say, they still make their opinions of what should happen at the wedding loud and clear.
This can be even more problematic when the people with strong opinions are the parents of the bride and groom.
Redditor NoDatabase10 was having a bit of trouble with his soon-to-be mother-in-law [MIL].
Since the original poster (OP)’s MIL was paying for several elements of the wedding, she felt she had the right to make numerous decisions about it.
Including what the OP should wear.
Seeing what she had picked out for him, the OP eventually told his fiancé that he would sooner cancel the wedding than wear his MIL’s choice of suit.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for telling my fiancée that if her mother is going to dictate what I wear for my wedding, then I want I don’t wanna get married?”
The OP explained why his MIL’s choice of suit led him to give his fiancée an ultimatum:
“Her mother, who is somewhat well-to-do, is paying for a lot of things, including her dress, catering, alcohol, and many other things, and her father, who is divorced from her mother, is paying for the venue.”
“My family is paying for the rehearsal dinner, and my dad is paying for the honeymoon trip.”
“Her mother, who is a bit of a control freak, has made it her mission to choose what everyone should wear.”
“She chose my fiancée’s dress even though she had wanted a different one.”
“She chose the colors for the groomsmen and bridesmaids.”
“She is even trying to dictate what color my family should wear.”
“Before even she got involved, I had decided to get married in a brown double-breasted suit that I would get custom-made for me specifically.”
“I already got everything set up, and I have already chosen my bespoke tailor.”
“To have a preview of what the suit will look like, I generated an AI image of the same color as the suit, and I showed it to my fiancé to see if she liked it or not.”
“She likes it, and she really thinks that it will look very good on me and it will go perfectly with the colors of the venue and all, as well as what the other people are wearing.”
“Apparently, my future mother-in-law does not like the suit or at least the color, and I’ve decided to send me different colors that I should go for instead of the brown.”
“I am not totally against choosing a different color or anything, but the fact is that her choices are terrible.”
“She apparently wants me to wear a pink skinny suit that looks terrible and cheaply made.”
“I told my fiancé that I do not want to wear the suit that she’s suggesting or even asking me to wear, and that’s the end of it. But my fiancé is saying I should consider that her mom is paying for a lot of things, and that I should consider.”
“I told her if her mom is going to dictate what I should wear at my own wedding, then I do not want to get married.”
“Now she’s mad and calling me an a**hole for not considering the opinions of others.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community felt the OP was more than justified to threaten to cancel the wedding if his MIL got her way, with many even feeling that he shouldn’t give his fiancée an ultimatum, but should instead end this relationship as soon as possible:
“Boom, y’all get married, right?”
“Down the line, she gets pregnant.”
“Then it’s gonna be my mom doesn’t like that name for said baby, she likes this one more.”
“Remember, she did pay for a lot of our wedding.”
“NTA If this is the hill you have to die on, so be it.”
“Because if she can run over you no,w that’s going to be your whole marriage.”
“Good luck and keep us updated.”
“Aw that suit looks good too.”- Rough-Medicine5183
“It’s obviously very clear that if mom is paying, it’s her way or the highway. I wonder how that’s going to turn out with kids involved….my guess is probably not good.”
“But sadly, it sounds like your fiancée doesn’t care since mommy is paying.”
“NTA.”
“Run.”- No-Long5784
“Keep the brown suit and stand your ground.”
“Tell her she can cancel the wedding over the suit if she wants… But that is your suit.”
“Then sit down and have a genuine conversation with your fiancé.”
“Tell her in order for a marriage to work, you have to work as a team and put each other first.”
“And if she can’t, maybe she shouldn’t marry you.”- VegetableBusiness897
“NTA.”
“And get out of there before your future house, job, choice of pet, and kids’ names are chosen by her.”- cinekat
“NTA.”
“Your future wife should have your back.”
“Maybe she’s scared to speak up knowing what her mum is like, but this is your wedding and surely you get to pick what you want to wear.”
“Even say let’s have a small intimate wedding, then you can choose everything.”- butterflya82
“NTA.”
“Run far, far away.”
“She will control everything about both of your lives, then the lives of any eventual children.”
“Do not marry this woman.”
“DO NOT have children with this woman!”- Upwrdmblty_496
“Brown seems like the right color for this wedding because you are marrying into a shitty family.”
“Run now before this becomes your daily normal.”
“NTA.”- snootgoo
“If your fiancée hasn’t stood up for herself, she’s not going to stand up for you.”
“Stand your ground.”
“NTA.”- Wonderful_Citron_518
“You have considered ‘the opinions of others’ and rejected them.”
“Very reasonable, in my opinion. How many men want to wear a pink suit . . . EVER?”
“How long have you known your fiancé, and what is your general opinion of the family dynamics?”
“Remember that when you get married, you marry the family.”
“Think hard about this.”- Additional_Bus_9646
“NTA.”
“But are you sure you want to get married and tie yourself to someone who is so willing to just roll over and do whatever her mommy wants?”
“This is what your life will be from now on. MIL will make a demand, you will not want to do it, wife will agree with MIL for reasons and it will turn into a fight.”- SwitchWide9406
“Your future MIL will not stop at the wedding.”
“She will make every major decision in your lives, including where you live, what to name your kids, etc.”
“I wouldn’t marry into that personally.”
“NTA.”- GroundbreakingPast31
“NTA.”
“You need a fiancée who will stand up for you and not sell you out to the highest bidder.”
“The fact that your feelings don’t matter because you fiancee’s mommy is financing the wedding is a big red flag.”
“Imagine how overbearing she’s going to be if you ever have kids?”
“If you think you won’t have to put up with this crap for the rest of your life, you’re deluding yourself.”
“This is a major red flag.”
“If your fiancée can’t get on the same page about YOUR feelings as opposed to mommy’s money, then you’re smart to not get married.”
“Also, the brown suit is gorgeous.”
“The pink suit is peak cringe.”- No-Shock-2055
“NTA.”
“This is just the tip of the iceberg.”
“Your finance needs a backbone.”
“Paying for something doesn’t mean control.”
“If you still want to go through with the wedding, tell MIL okay and just do what you want anyway.”
“What’s she going to do in the day of?”
“Storm off cause you wore the ‘wrong’ color?”
“Lol.”- Somuchallthetime
“My sis dumped a guy in the middle of wedding planning for an overbearing mother-in-law-to-be.”
“It doesn’t get better.”- babywhiz
“NTA.”
“The only person who has a say is your future wife.”
“But, what country/culture will this be held in?”
“Is pink a traditional color for the groom?”
“‘calling me an a**hole for not considering the opinions of others’.”
“You did consider and reject the suggestion.”- Irrasible
Anyone who never had at least one tense moment with their in-laws is most likely lying.
However, if this is an indication of what the OP’s married life is going to be, he’d better think long and hard about whether this wedding is a good idea.
The fact that he would even consider cancelling the wedding is pretty telling already…