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Former Chef Sparks Drama After Forbidding Girlfriend From Using Their Expensive Kitchen Equipment

A woman cooks up a pasta dish

Chefs are very touchy people in general.

They need things a certain way in any kitchen they enter, especially their own.

But lesson number… NEVER mess with a chef’s utensils and equipment.

They take great pride in their inventory.

And not respecting their rules can cause some big dramas.

Case in point…

Redditor OohBoy2020 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for forbidding my girlfriend to use my kitchen equipment?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So I’m gonna try and make this as short as possible.”

“The problem started when my girlfriend moved in about two years ago.”

“I’m a former professional chef with a great passion for food.”

“Over the years, I’ve gotten myself a lot of kitchen equipment that’s quite expensive.”

“If it breaks I won’t be able to replace it for at least a couple of months.”

“And I take care of as if it’s my little babies.”

“I have knives, pot and pans that I’ve kept in pristine condition despite using some of them a lot for 10 years or more.”

“I also have a bunch of cheap, low quality equipment in my kitchen that I call my sh*t pans.”

“When she moved in she asked me about them and why I didn’t throw them out and I jokingly told her that I keep them in case I have people that I don’t trust in my kitchen.”

“Some time after she moved in with me, I started noticing scratches in non stick pans, dents on knife edges and deformations in pots.”

“I started observing my girlfriend when she was cooking and saw her cutting stuff with one of my Japanese chef knives directly on top of the stainless steel counter and told her right away to use a cutting board.”

“I’ve seen that when she’s done with a pan, she puts in under running water to cool it down.”

“She uses dishwashing soap in my cast iron pans and the list goes on.”

“I’ve told her multiple times how to take care of the equipment and what/what not to do, and pretty much every time I correct her she gets annoyed.”

“So last week I came home and to my horror I saw my 5 liter cast iron pot filled up with water that had dishwasher soap in it.”

“It’s one of my favorite pots that I’ve seasoned over the course of 15 years.”

“I snapped and told my girlfriend that she’s not allowed to use my expensive equipment anymore and showed her the ‘shit pans’ and told her that those are the ones she’s gonna have to use in the future.”

“She thought I overreacted but I refused to budge.”

“I’m getting tired of resharpening knives every other day and having to throw out pans that I’ve inherited from generations back because they got deformed or rusted beyond restoration.”

“She reminded me of how I said the ‘sh*t pans’ was for people I don’t trust and questioned whether I trust her or not, which I do, just not with my kitchen equipment.”

“So please enlighten me, am I the a**hole for banning my girlfriend from using my kitchen equipment?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Someone turn on the Ramsay signal, because this is a Kitchen Nightmare. NTA.”  ~ Dszquphsbnt

“NTA certainly.  However, cast iron being harmed by dish washing soap is a myth.”

“Modern soaps in regular amounts doesn’t remove seasoning.”

“The lye in old soaps was what could strip the seasoning layer off the pans which is where the now outdated tip comes from.”

“The soaking though, that’s not good.”

“Don’t take it on my word, here’s lodge (the maker of the pan you might have)…”,season%20your%20pan%20as%20needed.”  ~ wassermelone

“It’s not the soap, it’s letting it sit with water in it.”

“Soapy water will remove the season which will let the water rust it.”

“So it’s not just that it would need to be re-seasoned, it likely needed to be de-rusted first.”  ~ jackalope78

“OP is TA if he did indeed throw out any generations old cast iron pots because they had rust.”

“The rust can be removed and the pans re-seasoned.”

“OP is NTA fo sho, for not allowing girlfriend to trash his knives and cooking equipment.”

“And gf is TA for not treating his things with respect.”

“She obviously doesn’t give a crap, since he’s explained and she keeps doing it.”

“Notching the knives is a criminal offense.”

“Quality knives are expensive and rare like a lot of other cooking gear.”  ~ Helena__Handbasket

“My brother managed to destroy pretty much every pan in my mother’s kitchen including her Le Creuset casserole dish that she purchased in TJ Max in Miami before anyone knew what it was.”

“That one pissed me off to no end. NTA.”  ~ AnEpicClash

“My husband will ultimately put my kitchen shears in the garage among his tools.”

“And I will just go out and buy a new expensive set every time.”

“I notice he does this maybe every five years or so.”

“Because ultimately, he can’t envision food shears, or sewing shears.”

“My sewing shears I literally hide from him because, that’s enough to make me want to aim them at his head and throw them forcefully into his face.”

“He does not get it.”

“And honestly he doesn’t want to get it.”

“He doesn’t care.”

“And homi*ide is too much work for me.”  ~ AndSoItGoes24

“I did the most elaborate seasoning routine you could think of years ago, and it worked.”

“Eggs skated around in the pan like it was teflon.”

“A week of normal use later the perfect coating had dulled and it was just like every other cast iron pan I’d ever used.”

“One time I put a sanding disc on an angle grinder to smooth out all the sand casting.”

“I took it right down to bare metal.”

“Afterwards I didn’t even season it, I just fried bacon in it and then used it as normal but with just a bit more oil.”

“Two weeks later, it was the same as every other cast iron pan I’d ever used.”

“If the last thing I fried on a pan was eggs, it’s a really nice pan.”

“If the last thing I fried was bacon (or anything with sugar content) it’s a little stickier.”

“I’m not a cooking scientist or anything, but in my own experience the months-long seasoning is a myth.”

“NTA of course.”  ~ harrypottermcgee

“NTA. My husband also has a passion for cooking.”

“He’s been to culinary school and also worked as a chef for a bit before switching careers.”

“I know the kitchen and his tools mean a lot to him.”

“If I am at all unsure of proper care of his kitchen tools I don’t touch them.”

“Also one of the first things he educated me on was proper care of his cast iron skillet and he now has a cast iron wok too.”

“For a couple years I just didn’t touch them because I didn’t want to screw them up.”

“Once I had watched a gazillion videos showing proper care of them did I start cleaning them up for him after he uses them.”

‘I still won’t cook with them.”

“NTA at all.”

“She knows it means a lot to you but makes no effort to properly care for your kitchen tools.”

“She can keep her hands off.”  ~ Quey84

“NTA, I 100% agree, I’m nowhere near the level of your husband.”

“But I’ve always said if my career didn’t pan out then I’d go to culinary school.”

“I love to cook.”

“My wife knows that my knives and certain pans require special care.”

“I don’t care what she does with my stainless, you can’t ruin stainless.”

“But I asked her to just leave my knives, non-stick pan, and/or my cast iron on the counter by the sink and I’ll take care of the cleaning of them.”

“Not because I don’t trust her, but because she’s uneducated.”

“And I don’t believe it’s her responsibility to educate herself on the maintenance of my tools.”

“Sometimes she’ll come get me and tell me she needs a knife, and I pull out the crappy knife that we got as a wedding gift and she uses that.”

“A smart person knows when a tool is beyond their expertise to use safely.”

“I wouldn’t try to drive a forklift or jackhammer a sidewalk, so why would she attempt to use a hand forged Japanese chef’s knife.”  ~ cexshun

OP had a few more thoughts…

“Just gonna put this here to avoid more posts about the same thing…”

“People have pointed out that soap in cast iron pans is in fact ok and I’m not gonna argue against that.”

“It’s just what I’ve been taught both from older relatives and in culinary school so it’s never really been something I’ve questioned.”

“I’m gonna do some reading about the matter.”

“However, it doesn’t really take away the fact that soaking cast iron in water causes it to rust.”

“But that’s also not really the biggest issue I’ve had either. “

“What has caused the most unrestorable and expensive damage to my equipment has been the rinsing of hot pans under cold water.”

“Which has caused several pans to deform and rendered them basically useless for anything other than boiling water.”

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

Your stuff, your rules.

Your equipment is important to you.

And that’s ok.

Good luck relationship-wise.