It's a bittersweet moment for parents when their children fly the coop and start living on their own.
A moment some parents have to wait for a bit longer than others, as some children don't fly the coop until they're much older, if ever.
Of course, a moment people don't always prepare for is when their parents find themselves moving in with them.
Such was the case for Redditor Successful-Common808, whose father recently moved in with them and their husband.
It wasn't an easy transition for anyone, with the original poster (OP) finding themself with numerous unexpected tasks thrown at them by their father.
While the OP did their best to put on a happy face, they were unable to hide their frustrations following a recent remark made by their father.
Concerned they might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for confronting my dad after a passive-aggressive comment when he’s been living with me and my husband rent-free?"
The OP explained why they had trouble staying silent following some recent remarks by their father:
"My dad has been living with me and my husband for about 7 months now."
"He does have a job, but he’s staying with us rent-free and doesn’t really help with bills."
"He cooks sometimes, but doesn’t help much with chores otherwise."
"Another important detail is that he can’t read or write, so a lot of things like paperwork, appointments, and anything official he depends on me for."
"I don’t mind helping, but he gets irritated if I can’t help him immediately when he asks."
"Yesterday something small happened that turned into something bigger."
"My husband works evenings and woke up around 3pm to cook food to take with him for his shift. He made extra and left some in the pot for my dad because he thought my dad was still home."
"I told him my dad had already left for work early (he sometimes leaves hours before his shift starts even though he doesn’t have to)."
"So my husband packed another bowl separately for him."
"My dad actually came back home because he forgot something, saw the food situation, and made a comment like 'that’s how you guys do things,' in a passive-aggressive tone."
"I asked what he meant but he didn’t answer and just left."
"This morning I brought it up because the comment made both me and my husband uncomfortable."
"He said he’s noticed that we cook and don’t leave him food sometimes, which honestly isn’t true."
"We regularly make sure there’s food for him."
"What’s also frustrating is that whenever he feels inconvenienced, he calls my sisters and complains about my husband instead of talking to me directly."
"I tried venting to my sisters about how hard this situation has been on me and my household, but they mostly stayed quiet or made excuses for him like telling me I should just take time off work to help him more."
"At this point I feel like I’m doing my best to make him comfortable while also trying to protect my marriage and household peace, but I’m starting to feel unsupported and taken for granted."
"AITA for bringing up his comment and setting boundaries about how things are handled in my home?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community mostly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for confronting their father.
Almost everyone agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their father, as he was clearly taking advantage of the OP's time and hospitality:
"NTA."
"Tell your sisters they can invite him to stay with them."
"Problem solved."- Dangerous_End9472
"Sooooo NTA."
"He's not PAYING for the food."
"He's not paying for sh*t, apparently."
"You're letting this dude take advantage of you."
"That's why he felt so free to say something so disrespectful and entitled."- Flat-Replacement4828
"NTA."
"Your Dad is being very entitled."
"He is not owed anything from you guys, especially when you allow him to live there without contributing to expenses when he is able bodied and working."
"And I'm sure it's easy for your sisters to judge you, but they aren't the ones that took your dad in and do all these things for him."
"If they think you are being too hard on him, maybe they should move him in with them instead."- Stranger0nReddit
"NTA."
"A favor has turned into bare minimum."
"Time for sisters to take a turn."
"Then they can speak on it."- Jazzlike_Database475
"NTA."
"Your dad sounds entitled and your sisters sound like they don't want to deal with him."
"It's been 7 months op, I think it's him he stayed with one of them for a bit."- Distinct-Practice131
"NTA."
"Do yourself and your husband a favor."
"Sit dear ol’ dad down and tell him his nasty attitude, plus his whining, plus the fact that he’s living there basically for free, have all reached a point where it’s no longer convenient or healthy for you to host him."
"Give him 30 days to make other arrangements, and DO NOT BUDGE."
"Your sisters have enough time to criticize your handling of the situation?"
"Fine."
"Tell dad to choose which one of them he’s going to be living with and let them know his move-in date."
"They can criticize after they’ve had their turn in the barrel."
"If your dad is illiterate, that’s a him problem."
"There are all kinds of resources available to help adults with this (that is, assuming you’re in the U.S.)."
"He can take on his own paperwork."- CrazyOldBag
"NTA, and it sounds like your sisters have volunteered to house Dad!"- East-Relative2011
"NTA."
"But it is time to kick him out."
"Your husband doesn’t deserve to be treated like that in his home."- Gringa-Loca26
"NTA."
"Nope bye dad."- Firecrackershrimp2
"If your siblings are in town - sounds like it's time for a family meeting - you, your husband and your siblings/spouses."
"Explain everything that is going on, that it might seem like small stuff in the moment, but you are trying to get ahead of it."
"Maybe it's time for a break, maybe one of them need to take him in for a while, I'd definitely ask them to explain the justification of you missing work is the answer, when you need your job to help support him?"
"Are they going to chip in for the lost income?"
"They need to step up and help vs. telling you to take off work."
"Take turns, split up responsibilities - If he can't go live with any of them, what about inviting him over for a weekend?"
"You need to be a team - not the only one responsible."
"Basically, while we don't know the how he ended up living with you, or what his overall needs of assistance are - if he is difficult now, it only gets harder as a person ages."
"You and siblings need to be on the same page now, before it gets even more difficult and they get too comfortable not sharing responsibilities."
"NTA."- CornerSevere
"NTA."
"It’s your home and your dad not only overlooked the consideration your husband had for him, but had to make it an awkward situation with his comment."
"He’s old enough to know better."- New-Calligrapher7979
"NTA."
"You got put into the 'responsible one' role by dad."
"That's the one who takes care of him."
"Since he expects you to take care of him, he's acting entitled."
"Sisters are working to keep you in that role since it benefits them."
"Regardless of whatever sunshine dad and sisters are blowing up your butt, here's the truth."
"He's a grown man with a job."
"He can take care of himself."
"You do not have to accept disrespect from a freeloader in your own home."
"Your first obligation now is not to dad or sisters, your first obligation is to your marriage."
"If dad is interfering with that, it is time for dad to go and be an adult."- WhereWeretheAdults
There were a few, however, who felt that the OP was the a**hole, not for the way they treated their father, but rather for putting their husband in this situation:
"You're being unfair to your husband."
"You need to set clear boundaries with your father- he has to treat both of you with respect and participate in house finances and chores."
"Or he can go elsewhere."
"Protect your marriage."
"YTA to your husband, not your father."- FirebirdWriting
"YTA."
"To your husband. It is time for a new arrangement that doesn't involve him being treated poorly by your relatives in his own home."-HelenGonne
It sadly seems like the OP's father is not self-sufficient, and thus requires more round-the-clock help, which the OP seemed to volunteer to provide.
One would think he would show even the tiniest amount of appreciation for their doing so.
The OP might want to consider the suggestion by the majority of the Reddit community, that next time their sisters defend him, they suggest he move in with one of them...
