It's a bittersweet moment for parents when their children fly the coop and start living on their own.
A moment some parents have to wait for a bit longer than others, as some children don't fly the coop until they're much older, if ever.
Of course, a moment people don't always prepare for is when their parents find themselves moving in with them.
Such was the case for Redditor Successful-Common808, whose father recently moved in with them and their husband.
It wasn't an easy transition for anyone, with the original poster (OP) finding themself with numerous unexpected tasks thrown at them by their father.
While the OP did their best to put on a happy face, they were unable to hide their frustrations following a recent remark made by their father.
Concerned they might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for confronting my dad after a passive-aggressive comment when he’s been living with me and my husband rent-free?"
The OP explained why they had trouble staying silent following some recent remarks by their father:
"My dad has been living with me and my husband for about 7 months now."
"He does have a job, but he’s staying with us rent-free and doesn’t really help with bills."
"He cooks sometimes, but doesn’t help much with chores otherwise."
"Another important detail is that he can’t read or write, so a lot of things like paperwork, appointments, and anything official he depends on me for."
"I don’t mind helping, but he gets irritated if I can’t help him immediately when he asks."
"Yesterday something small happened that turned into something bigger."
"My husband works evenings and woke up around 3pm to cook food to take with him for his shift. He made extra and left some in the pot for my dad because he thought my dad was still home."
"I told him my dad had already left for work early (he sometimes leaves hours before his shift starts even though he doesn’t have to)."
"So my husband packed another bowl separately for him."
"My dad actually came back home because he forgot something, saw the food situation, and made a comment like 'that’s how you guys do things,' in a passive-aggressive tone."
"I asked what he meant but he didn’t answer and just left."
"This morning I brought it up because the comment made both me and my husband uncomfortable."
"He said he’s noticed that we cook and don’t leave him food sometimes, which honestly isn’t true."
"We regularly make sure there’s food for him."
"What’s also frustrating is that whenever he feels inconvenienced, he calls my sisters and complains about my husband instead of talking to me directly."
"I tried venting to my sisters about how hard this situation has been on me and my household, but they mostly stayed quiet or made excuses for him like telling me I should just take time off work to help him more."
"At this point I feel like I’m doing my best to make him comfortable while also trying to protect my marriage and household peace, but I’m starting to feel unsupported and taken for granted."
"AITA for bringing up his comment and setting boundaries about how things are handled in my home?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community mostly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for confronting their father.
Almost everyone agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their father, as he was clearly taking advantage of the OP's time and hospitality:
"NTA."
"Tell your sisters they can invite him to stay with them."
"Problem solved."- Dangerous_End9472
"Sooooo NTA."
"He's not PAYING for the food."
"He's not paying for sh*t, apparently."
"You're letting this dude take advantage of you."
"That's why he felt so free to say something so disrespectful and entitled."- Flat-Replacement4828
"NTA."
"Your Dad is being very entitled."
"He is not owed anything from you guys, especially when you allow him to live there without contributing to expenses when he is able bodied and working."
"And I'm sure it's easy for your sisters to judge you, but they aren't the ones that took your dad in and do all these things for him."
"If they think you are being too hard on him, maybe they should move him in with them instead."- Stranger0nReddit
"NTA."
"A favor has turned into bare minimum."
"Time for sisters to take a turn."
"Then they can speak on it."- Jazzlike_Database475
"NTA."
"Your dad sounds entitled and your sisters sound like they don't want to deal with him."
"It's been 7 months op, I think it's him he stayed with one of them for a bit."- Distinct-Practice131
"NTA."
"Do yourself and your husband a favor."
"Sit dear ol’ dad down and tell him his nasty attitude, plus his whining, plus the fact that he’s living there basically for free, have all reached a point where it’s no longer convenient or healthy for you to host him."
"Give him 30 days to make other arrangements, and DO NOT BUDGE."
"Your sisters have enough time to criticize your handling of the situation?"
"Fine."
"Tell dad to choose which one of them he’s going to be living with and let them know his move-in date."
"They can criticize after they’ve had their turn in the barrel."
"If your dad is illiterate, that’s a him problem."
"There are all kinds of resources available to help adults with this (that is, assuming you’re in the U.S.)."
"He can take on his own paperwork."- CrazyOldBag
"NTA, and it sounds like your sisters have volunteered to house Dad!"- East-Relative2011
"NTA."
"But it is time to kick him out."
"Your husband doesn’t deserve to be treated like that in his home."- Gringa-Loca26
"NTA."
"Nope bye dad."- Firecrackershrimp2
"If your siblings are in town - sounds like it's time for a family meeting - you, your husband and your siblings/spouses."
"Explain everything that is going on, that it might seem like small stuff in the moment, but you are trying to get ahead of it."
"Maybe it's time for a break, maybe one of them need to take him in for a while, I'd definitely ask them to explain the justification of you missing work is the answer, when you need your job to help support him?"
"Are they going to chip in for the lost income?"
"They need to step up and help vs. telling you to take off work."
"Take turns, split up responsibilities - If he can't go live with any of them, what about inviting him over for a weekend?"
"You need to be a team - not the only one responsible."
"Basically, while we don't know the how he ended up living with you, or what his overall needs of assistance are - if he is difficult now, it only gets harder as a person ages."
"You and siblings need to be on the same page now, before it gets even more difficult and they get too comfortable not sharing responsibilities."
"NTA."- CornerSevere
"NTA."
"It’s your home and your dad not only overlooked the consideration your husband had for him, but had to make it an awkward situation with his comment."
"He’s old enough to know better."- New-Calligrapher7979
"NTA."
"You got put into the 'responsible one' role by dad."
"That's the one who takes care of him."
"Since he expects you to take care of him, he's acting entitled."
"Sisters are working to keep you in that role since it benefits them."
"Regardless of whatever sunshine dad and sisters are blowing up your butt, here's the truth."
"He's a grown man with a job."
"He can take care of himself."
"You do not have to accept disrespect from a freeloader in your own home."
"Your first obligation now is not to dad or sisters, your first obligation is to your marriage."
"If dad is interfering with that, it is time for dad to go and be an adult."- WhereWeretheAdults
There were a few, however, who felt that the OP was the a**hole, not for the way they treated their father, but rather for putting their husband in this situation:
"You're being unfair to your husband."
"You need to set clear boundaries with your father- he has to treat both of you with respect and participate in house finances and chores."
"Or he can go elsewhere."
"Protect your marriage."
"YTA to your husband, not your father."- FirebirdWriting
"YTA."
"To your husband. It is time for a new arrangement that doesn't involve him being treated poorly by your relatives in his own home."-HelenGonne
It sadly seems like the OP's father is not self-sufficient, and thus requires more round-the-clock help, which the OP seemed to volunteer to provide.
One would think he would show even the tiniest amount of appreciation for their doing so.
The OP might want to consider the suggestion by the majority of the Reddit community, that next time their sisters defend him, they suggest he move in with one of them...
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.