Most of us at one time or another have had a bad experience with a coworker, or we've had a relationship with them that just never "clicked" from the time that we joined the company.
But some people have far more sinister coworker stories, like people tampering with food, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor besosbellas22 never connected with a female coworker who was approximately thirty years older than they were, and the coworker had been anything from rude to hostile since they began working together.
But when she went so far as to open their lunch box and put a threatening note inside, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked that she would potentially go so far as to tamper with their food.
They asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by reporting my coworker to HR after they opened my lunch box and put a threatening note inside it?”
The OP did not have a good relationship with one of their female coworkers.
"I have been getting bullied by this coworker at work now for a while."
"She’s about 30 years older than me and hates me because I’m quiet, do my job, and go home. Multiple people have witnessed this bullying and have said something about it."
"I’ve gone to my boss and HR a few times. It stops and then picks back up again."
But then the coworker did something that the OP could not ignore.
"Today I moved her lunchbox in the fridge and slid mine in."
"I ended up ordering food, and when I went to put my leftovers in my box, I discovered she had opened it and left me a note, saying, 'Keep your hands off my lunch box or I’ll move yours to the freezer next time.'"
"I feel very uncomfortable with the fact that she opened my personal belongings, and I obviously am not going to eat the food anymore."
"I reported this to HR, and my manager and I want something done about it."
"It’s not so much the note or what the note said, but the fact that she went through my bag. What else could she have done?"
The OP wanted to do something to make working at the company sustainable.
"Am I overreacting? And any advice?"
"And before anyone suggests quitting, because it’s crossed my mind, I do like the company and the work tbh. The pay is good, and it’s super close to my house. I get along with the clients and the other teams."
"My team is a clique, and I am cordial to most, but I don't talk to this team member; I just try to leave her alone. If, on the rare chance she does talk to me, I am cordial with her, but I do try to avoid her at all costs."
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some actively encouraged the OP to report the behavior and collect as much evidence as possible.
“Report it, use email so that it’s written and not verbal. Start documenting everything that happens and update HR and your manager that you’re logging it."
"Don’t use the fridge for lunch. Put a cooler icepack in your lunch so that you can bypass this happening again."
"Do your own job very well, leave no space for her to criticize.” – Smothra57
“I'd recommend documenting all interactions via email. It's important to document the response from HR and their proposed plan of action to remedy the situation."
"At some point, they need to hold her accountable for her behavior (write-ups, suspension, termination). Failure to do so will reflect poorly on the company, and they will be liable if the harassment goes uncorrected." - socialcluelessness
“Forward every email, yours and theirs, to a private email in case you are ever locked out of the work email, or they magically disappear. Keep all the original notes, at home."
"Assume you are gathering evidence for a lawsuit." - MadamInsta
“Ask HR for harassment training for yourself. State that this coworker is creating a hostile work environment, and you want training specific for you to deal with it and protect your position with the company."
"Meantime, look it up on the internet. It may suggest you send her a statement documenting her actions, and stating that you want her to stop that behavior, and you CC HR."
"If they cite the virtual trainings your workplace is probably required to give you, tell HR that in your situation, they are not providing you the specifics you need. Ask them for specific actions you should take to document how this coworker is creating a hostile work environment for you. If you have a union where you work, do the same."
"Ask HR if you should retain the services of an attorney to address this coworker's intimidating behavior that contributes to this hostile work environment."
"Meantime, have the camera on your phone ready. Keep a log of every infraction. Find out if in your state you can audio/video record in your state without consent."
"Do what you need to do to protect yourself." - RetiredHomeEcTchr
“Since you have been to hr and your boss several times, then ask them for THEIR documentation. They should also be keeping records. Also agree with the post that you should send everything to your personal email for tracking. The note is a threat, no doubt." - Diligent-Towel-4708
"You wrote, 'She’s about 30 years older than me and hates me because I’m quiet, do my job, and go home.'"
"So, she’s one of those a**holes who picks quiet people as targets for her aggression because she assumes quiet people are doormats. As a quiet non-doormat, I honestly enjoy messing those people up."
"You aren’t overreacting. I would personally have expressed concerns about food contamination (whether I believed it or not). I don’t want some nasty b***h reaching into my lunch box with hands that may or may not be sanitary to post threatening notes at best, and the sort of person who loses their shit because something in a community locker got moved slightly is exactly the sort of person who would tamper with food to make a point."
"Document everything. Insist to HR that she cannot work in the same area as you. Use the words 'hostile work environment' and emphasize that tampering with your lunchbox is a threat to your health. That is legally actionable. If she is as old as she is and still not controlling herself, she can transfer or go." - RunsfromWisdom
Others shared similar situations they'd experienced and urged the OP to address the situation immediately.
“I had to stop using the staff fridge when the workplace bully threw my lunch away and refilled my lunch box with office items, twice. I formally complained about it, but proving who did it was impossible. It made me feel very isolated, even with manager support. You must complain in detail to superiors, and keep your food safe elsewhere. So very sad for you." - AuntyVal14
“NOR. The closest I've come in my adult life to a physical altercation was someone putting their hands on my food. You'd think it's a common-sense line to NOT cross. But some people seem to think the 'f**k around' can come without the 'find out'." - SpecificCommittee239
“A former coworker of mine used to move the stuff I had on the outer edge of my desk every time they walked by, because it wasn't where THEY wanted it to be, and it drove me insane. I would lose my shit if someone opened my lunchbox."
"You had every right to move hers over to make room for yours. Definitely report to HR. When I used to work in an office, I would never put my food in the fridge; I would always use ice packs. Not sure if that’s an option for you." - charlestonchewsrock
“I used to work in the Prepared Foods department at Whole Foods. Another kitchen job, more or less, but there was one lady who made everyone miserable. No one liked to work with her, especially the bulk of us she'd decided were personal enemies for different reasons. However, because WF is corporate, it was hard like h**l to actually get her fired because she toed the line so well."
"Until the day she didn't. I had already moved on, but an ex-co-worker told me she called someone a [r-word], which is bad enough by itself, but with the MOUNTAIN of recorded complaints against her from over the years, she was gone before the shift was over. And everyone rejoiced, I'm told."
"NOR. You're on the right path and doing the right thing, and remember: even if you aren't the one who brings her down, you are at the very least another brick in the wall. That wall will fall eventually. Take care of yourself." - SteamrollerBoone
“NOR. Do not open and put things in my food. It’s clearly a shared refrigerator, not just hers. She sounds like a raging a-hole." - sorrynotsorry922
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update, though there wasn’t much to report as far as progress on the OP’s behalf.
"The only update I have right now is that I emailed HR with details and said this is a hostile work environment and escalating with her behavior, and it’s a pattern."
"HR asked why I would think she would put something in my food and why I’m uncomfortable eating it."
"I said I don’t trust her, and it’s a liability. She asked me a bunch of questions like, 'Why did I move the lunch box? Where did I move it to? Was there room for mine without moving it? Is this the first time I've moved it? Has she touched mine today?'"
"I am no longer using that fridge, either. She said her boss and my boss are handling it and not to worry, but I’m still doubting they’re going to do anything."
"Thank you all for your advice and helping me feel sane."
This is one of those situations where it seems the coworker just decided not to like the OP on day one of working there, and every little thing the OP does upsets her. That said, moving the lunchbox slightly to make room for a second hardly seems like an offense, and the note she left behind seems far more concerning and a promise of what could be to come.
If she disliked the OP that much and was willing to open someone else's lunchbox, it wasn't that much of a leap that she would also tamper with food.
