Knowing what and when you'll eat meals is more of a luxury than most people realize.
Indeed, those who never need to worry about what they'll eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or even a snack should consider themselves very lucky.
As some people need to carefully plan and ration all their food for a week or more.
Redditor KiriiCat was very meticulous with what she and her husband would eat during the week.
Frustratingly for the original poster (OP), her husband put much less thought into it, complicating all her planning.
Making matters more complicated, the OP's husband wasn't particularly receptive when she addressed this issue, instead finding herself called "controlling" by him.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA cause I told my husband to not ruin meal portions?"
The OP explained why she and her husband came to something of a head over their weekly groceries:
"My (33 F[emale]) husband(32 M[ale]) likes to eat at random times, and sometimes he snacks on everything and I wake up to find lots of snacks gone."
"I buy meat & chicken and sort them in definite portions that I know will be enough for 1 day + enough for him to have an extra dinner."
"I went to buy meat for the week and I leave it out, shower, come out to see that he has cooked 25% of the meat for today."
"Which means I will either have to eat less of my portion or have him hungry and asking me to make a snack later."
"I asked him to wait 10 mins while I heat up dinner for the day so he can eat the meat he cooked with the meal."
"He told me to ignore him and just prepare dinner as usual."
"I asked again to wait since this was part of the protein for dinner."
"He got angry and told me I was being insanely rude to not allow him to eat whatever he wanted whenever."
"That I was being controlling and that I was not a good person since if this was the other way around, he would be happy that I was eating regardless of the current situation."
"I explained that I wanted things in certain portions since I dislike cooking and I don't like to cook different kinds in the same meal or get up later to cook again."
"He kept saying that I was not being a good person, and that I am rude and inconsiderate and cheap for denying him our food."
"He gives me a budget to buy all our food."
"I apologized because I guess it is rude, but after thinking, I'm not really sure if I am. I am the only one who cooks and prepares his meals."
"I don't mind, but I don't want to prepare 4 meals a day."
"AITAH for asking him to not mindlessly eat food that I had pre portioned?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting her husband.
Everyone agreed that the OP's husband was only thinking of himself, and he needed to hear what the OP had to say, especially considering he set the budget and never does any of the shopping or cooking himself:
"NTA because he can't have it both ways."
"'He kept saying that I was not being a good person, and that I am rude and inconsiderate and cheap for denying him our food. He gives me a budget to buy all our food'."
"He can't set a budget and break it and then call you inconsiderate and cheap for asking him to stick to the budget he himself set."
"If he wants to eat more, then he needs to increase the budget."
"Otherwise, he should stick with the plan that he set for himself."- SomeoneYouDontKnow70
"Why would you be the a**hole if he eats food and you eat the same portion you would have eaten?"
"You starving so he can meet his desired level of fullness isn't normal."
"Let him budget the way he wants."
"Cook the exact food the way he wants."
"When the food runs out, tell him he needs to budget better for his needs."
"NTA."- Spideycloned
"NTA."
"This is a control thing, and you know because of this, 'He gives me a budget to buy all our food'."- UnhappyTemperature18
"NTA."
"Read what you have written."
"He gives you a budget for food."
"He eats more than you have allocated within the budget, meaning that you will go hungry."
"What the actual F, OP?"- JoneseyP98
"You don’t have to eat less of your portion."
"If he eats half of his meat before dinner, serve his dinner with half as much meat as yours."
"He can make his own snacks if he’s still hungry."
"What will happen if you don’t do it?"
"Or…"
"Maybe he just needs more food."
"If he’s twice your size and you’re eating equal amounts, he probably is still hungry!"
"In which case, he needs to give you more money to buy him bigger portions."
"The whole idea of being reliant on a man to give me a food allowance sounds horrible to me, but- whatever."
"If he insists on eating part of your portion and won’t increase the food budget, then you know you have a bigger problem than him being too immature to wait 10 minutes ‘til dinner’s ready."
"NTA, but this isn’t just a one-time thing, is it."- EmilyAnne1170
"NTA."
"For telling him not to ruin the proportions, but YTA for catering to his every whim."
"Asking YOU for a snack?"
"Sounds like a child."- Wiscodoggo5494
"NTA."
"Budget aside… why can’t he cook his own food, if he eats up everything you made?"
"Are you his mommy?"
"Stop babying him, and he’ll slow down if he has to make his food since he ate everything you cooked."- dino_spored
"NTA."
"For this situation, but you're being an ahole towards yourself, doubting yourself because an overgrown toddler is angry at you."
"Sounds like he'd benefit from doing his own cooking for a bit."
"If you have a set budget, just split it in the middle and he can do the shopping and cooking for himself without you 'ruining' his food."- Alpacachoppa
"'Which means I will either have to eat less of my portion or have him hungry and asking me to make a snack later'."
"This must be bait; no one is dense enough to think these are the only two options."
"'He gives me a budget to buy all our food'."
"How kind of him."
"NTA."
"But the answer is clear."- TrumpGrabbedMyCat
"NTA."
"You're buying based on his budget and being his personal chef to boot."
"He's out of line to snap like this."- BusConfident703
"He budgets, then eats it all so none is left for you?"
"NTA."
"This is abuse."- DebMcPoots
"My wife and I often eat at different times."
"We always check with each other about what we intend to eat."
"We also coordinate joint meals."
"Our communications help to ensure that we don't come up short of materials for a meal."
"Sometimes it doesn't work, but it works great most of the time."
"BTW, working with each other on such issues is a sign of respect."
"You are NTA."- RoleOk7556
The OP later returned with an update, clarifying a few things about the home dynamic between her and her husband:
"Some people have understood that there isn't enough money or that I go hungry for him to feel full."
"Neither are true.I used to cook larger meals at first, but much of it was thrown away because he didn't have the appetite."
"I kept experimenting with the portions until I found what's right for both of us + a bit extra when he needs it."
"The unpredictable behavior is what annoys me, not to mention that the start of this issue was me asking him to wait 10 mins while the rest of the food is heated up and then what he cooked is considered part of dinner not just a snack, if that makes sense."
"Also, I understand it is ridiculous."
"I was calm and offered a solution of putting away extra portion if he ever decided he needs more."
"He was angry and hurt that I am denying him food whenever he wants and that I am insinuating that he is a burden."
It's alarming to the point of worrisome that the OP's husband claims she is "denying him food".
In fact, it's the other way around.
He set a weekly budget for her to follow, which she strictly adheres to, and then takes as much food as he wants for himself without thinking of her. The OP is right to feel annoyed and confused by his unpredictable behavior.
Leaving one to almost wonder if this marriage is safe or healthy...
