When you are on the clock and receive a work-related email or voice message, it’s probably best to respond and/or address it as soon as possible.
As the matter could be time sensitive, and your job might be on the line.
However, when you are not on the clock, it’s not unreasonable to put off a work-related message immediately.
As everyone deserves some time dedicated to themselves, particularly when you are on parental leave.
Redditor GirIWithHair was recently on maternity leave from her job.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) was still constantly bombarded by a work colleague, asking non-stop work-related questions.
Feeling her maternity leave was being taken advantage of, the OP felt there was only one solution to this problem.
Having some doubts about this decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ignoring my friend’s work messages while I’m on maternity leave?”
The OP explained why she felt she had no other choice but to give a work friend the cold shoulder:
“I’m currently on maternity leave from my job as a social media manager at a small start-up.”
“When I went on leave, my friend actually took over my position (she only joined the company because of me).”
“Since then, she’s been messaging me constantly.”
“Every other day it’s either questions about work, venting about colleagues, or sending me the content she posts so I’ll like or engage with it.”
“She messages me through both the company account (which I’ve muted) and her personal one.”
“On top of that, she often asks to come over and ‘help’.”
“Cooking, cleaning, walking the dog, whatever I need.”
“It’s really generous of her, but the problem is that whenever she’s over, the conversation turns into work. The last time she came, she stayed for FIVE hours, and 80% of what we talked about was her job.”
“I even ended up helping her do work because she was stressed, and she straight up asked me to join a meeting with her.”
“I feel so stuck.’
“I don’t want to hurt our friendship, and I know she’s just trying her best, but this is supposed to be my maternity leave.”
“I’ve already had to tell other coworkers to respect my time, and she even backed me up on that… yet she doesn’t seem to realize she’s doing the same thing.”
“So lately I’ve just been ignoring the work-related messages (she doesn’t seem to get the message).”
“I’ll still reply if it’s something personal, but if it’s about work I don’t answer.”
“Now I’m worried I’m being rude or unsupportive, since she’s obviously struggling and looking for reassurance.”
“AITA for ignoring her work messages while I’m on maternity leave?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for ignoring her friend’s work emails.
Everyone agreed that not only was it obnoxious for the OP’s friend to keep contacting her during her maternity leave, but doing so could also get their company into legal trouble:
“NTA.”
“But why not just tell her you’re on work leave and don’t want to talk about work off work?”
“Even she needs a break, she’s letting work take over her personality.”- DMmeNiceTitties
“NTA.”
“Since being subtle isn’t working I’d recommend just being direct with her.”
“Remind her you’re on mat leave.”
“You’re not working.”
“So you can’t help her (which you did for free!) with her work.”
“Since your not working.”
“Cause you’re on mat leave.”
“Just keep saying it.”
“‘I’m still on maternity leave’.”
“You don’t have to be mean to be direct, but you also don’t have to be a pushover.”
“Also congratulations on your baby!”- SoSaysTheAngel
“NTA.”
“But parenthood requires boundaries in all kinds of ways.”
“You need to start setting them.”
“Let your friend know that you’re on maternity leave and want to focus on your family.”
“You do not want to talk about work or hear about work because it stresses you out.”
“If she accepts that, and you want to see her, let her come help.”
“Also, set a time limit.”
“‘I’d love to see you from noon-1 but remember no work talk please’.”
“When she inevitably starts talking about work, say that you’re tired and she unfortunately needs to go.”
“And never do work on leave.”
‘You’re not getting paid for that.”- friendlily
“She already hurt the friendship with colossal self-involvement and insensitivity.”
“You can very nicely go with, ‘Friend, I’m so sorry, I realize that work is stressful’.”
“‘But I’m on maternity leave and I need serenity to bond with my baby and cope with the challenges of new motherhood, so I can’t really hear one more word about it until I get back’.”
“‘I know you’ll understand’.”
“‘Thanks!'”
“Then, if she starts again, go with, ‘Remember, nothing about work’.”
“‘Sorry’.”
“And if she persists, she’s not really friend material, is she?”
“NTA.”- Nester1953
“NTA, she treats you as an unpaid coworker.”
“If you want to try to salvage the relationship, text her (so you have it in writing) that you are on leave and unable to assist with work matters during your recovery time.”
“Otherwise, just send the message and email her work email stating above and CC or BC management or HR.”
“If she can’t do the job, she can’t expect you to complete her work for free.”- knight_shade_realms
“NTA.”
“If you’re really friends, then you need to tell her.”
“Be blunt.”
“Be firm.”
“If she doesn’t want to respect your request, then I guess she wasn’t that good of a friend.”-bmw5986
“’Sorry friend, my brain is in baby mode and my body is healing, so I’m not able to give you the kind of talk you’re wanting right now’.”
“‘I think you can use a break from talking about work anyway since it’s stressing you out’.”
“I know some people might take issue with including ‘sorry’ and I get that. It’s whatever to me either way.”
“NTA she sounds super draining.”
“I’m sure she’s normally great, otherwise you wouldn’t be friends with her.”
“Hopefully she can get her head out of her butt for your sake and hers.”- paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA.”
“Are you on-call during your maternity leave?”
“I’m sure not.”
“Thus, it is not appropriate for your work to send you work-related messages and expect a response.”
“Enjoy the time with your new little one.”- your-mom04605
“NTA.”
“But you need to use your words to communicate with her to stop talking to you about work while you’re on maternity leave.”- tcsweetgurl
“NTA.”
“Literally just keep saying ‘no more work talk’.”
“EVERY SINGLE TIME she brings it up.”
“Be direct, ‘I’m on maternity leave and will not be discussing work’.”
“‘How is xyz?'”
“I have a friend who has super firm boundaries about leaving work at work for fun occasions, and she will always redirect us with a loud STOP TALKING ABOUT WORK, and it works every time haha.”- greenbathmat
“NTA.”
“if you’re on FMLA, she’s literally not allowed to interrupt that for work.”
“Next time she brings up work, say ‘I’m on maternity leave’.”
“‘I’m not talking about work at all’.”
“‘If you want to talk about anything else, that’s fine’.”- OniyaMCD
“NTA.”
“I think she’s struggling in fulfilling your role.”
“I also think she’s pretending (except for to you) that she can fully do the job and do it better than you.”
“By getting your help she is using you to appear more competent than she really is and trying to make your company think she’s better at doing the job than you.”
“I think she’s trying to permanently trying to take over your job and replace you.”
“You are on maternity leave for a reason.”
“You are not supposed to be working.”
“Use your maternity leave as you are intended to use it – NO Work.”
“If she won’t listen then you need to contact your boss and or your HR department regarding this issue.”
“This could also help protect your position.”
“Good luck!”
“Also, enjoy this time and relax the best that you have!”- laneykaye65
“NTA.”
“Friend’s name, I love you girl…but I’m on maternity leave.”
“My work brain is out, and mommy brain is in.”
“Discussion of work is a stressor right now that detracts from a time when my focus is bonding with my baby.”
“I love talking and texting with you…and I’m comfortable with just about any topic…except for work right now.”
“I need to fully disengage with work in order to fully engage with my home life.”
“I will absolutely now and always engage with you as a friend, but I can’t engage with you as a coworker right now as I try to find balance in my home life.”
“I hope you understand.”
“Hands making heart sign emoji.”
“The END.”
“Enjoy your maternity leave ;-).”- WhatInTheA**Pepper
No one should ever feel intimidated or ashamed to ask for help.
That being said, if the OP’s friend needs help at work while the OP is away, she should look for it from someone who is currently working in the office.
As the OP’s only focus during her maternity leave should be on her child.