We all dream of our lives ending up like a sitcom, where we have a base group of friends that we see every day and can always rely on.
While these sorts of relationships are sensationalized for film and television, there are those who are lucky enough to have friends from whom they are almost literally inseparable..
Seeing each other every day, celebrating all major holidays together, and frequently vacationing together.
Of course, sometimes people need some space from their friends, and need to focus on their significant others.
Redditor Capable_Bear4919 and their husband recently planned a very special vacation, intended to give the two of them some quality time together.
Much to the original poster (OP)'s surprise, however, their husband invited some friends of theirs to join them.
When the OP expressed their surprise and disappointment, they were accused by their husband of "playing the victim".
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"Husband invited friends to anniversary trip behind my back. AITAH? Cause he told me I was."
The OP explained why their husband accused them of victimizing themself:
"Husband and I were scheduled to take our first ever couples only vacation in 16 years."
"Have a cruise scheduled, and we both were looking forward to a relaxing wonderful anniversary vacation without our kids."
"Then I find out my husband invited another couple to our cruise without asking me."
"He also said he was going to spend our excursion money on the alcohol package."
"That was our money for excursions."
"I told him how hurt I was."
"Then he told me I was playing the victim, and now he won’t speak to me because I am being unreasonable."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not "playing the victim", and did the right thing by confronting their husband.
Everyone agreed that the OP's husband should not have invited their friends without consulting them first, with many urging the OP to consider if staying in this relationship was good for them:
"NTA and I'm pretty sure that, as a rule, if one partner invites additional people to what is supposed to be an anniversary trip the relationship is dead."
"Your husband thinks he's not going to have fun on a trip with just you and he has invited a buffer along."- absolutnonsense
"Book a different cruise and go with a good friend."
"NTA."- calacmack
"Pretty sure you know you aren’t."- Equivalent_Lemon_319
"NTA stay home."
"He's planning on a booze cruise."- Tasty-Law-4527
"He doesn't want to be alone with you."- Valleyval21
"NTA."
"Your husband is acting like a petulant child trying to shift the blame from him to you."
"I’d be furious."- Loud_Shallot_1367
"NTA."
"But what a sh*tty relationship."- Which_Translator_548
"Oh, that's so unkind."
"I would be crushed."
"Maybe try sitting him down and explaining how important it was for you to spend time as a couple and that experiences are far more important to you than drinking."
"You might need to decide what all this really means to you and what his behavior says."
"I personally wouldn't go if I were blindsided that way."
"I'm so sorry this is happening, and please update us."
"I hope you can work it all out."- hissyfit64
"How did you ever stand him for 16 years?"- NanaGeorgianna
"NTA."
"Why have you been married to a person like this for 16 years?"- BoysenberryJellyfish
"My friend was married to a man who invited a friend along to their 1st wedding anniversary trip."
"Then he would invite his Dad or other people to any trips they took."
"He also thought she was overreacting."
"She finally divorced him."- Commercial-Spray3192
"NTA."
"Big yikes."
"Does he even like you?"- DazzlingMistake_
"NTA."
"Stop being hurt and GET DAMNED ANGRY!"
"This is ridiculous!"
"Take control of your situation!"
"First, take half of that excursion money and put it into a private account that he can’t access."
"Then, use that money to go on excursions alone."
"If he wants to use his half to get drunk and not do cruise stuff, that’s on him."
"You enjoy yourself."
"Take your cruise as if you were alone."
"Don’t even worry about his sorry a**."
"When you get back from the cruise, give serious thought to staying with this horrible person."
"You take care of YOU!"
"My best to you!"
"You deserve better."- Firebird562
"Why doesn’t your husband want to be alone with you on an anniversary trip is the biggest question."- Me-myself-I-2024
"Take that excursion money, and book a solo trip."- Special_Lychee_6847
"NTA your husband on the other hand."
"Let him go on the vacation with his mama, and you do what you need to do."
"I’m pretty sure it’s not allowing him back in the house."
"Does he like you?"- Awkward_Profile_7410
"He may have an alcohol problem."
"He wants the couple as a cover to help him drink, and he wants the package so he can drink to excess."
"To him, that sounds like the most fun."
"You will not enjoy this cruise, so avoid going. And since he spent your money, too, long term, and is going with DARVO, this issue may break you up."
"I am so sorry."
"Wishing you the best."- Antonia_Rothschild
"NTA, which you clearly already know."
"Your husband sounds insufferable."
"I also feel like there's definitely more to this story than we're getting."- Josefu_Velen
"NTA."
"Don’t go and take your own vacation somewhere else."
"He’s rude as hell."- JJQuantum
"Yeah he doesn't like you nor care about your wants and feelings."- MynxGreene7
"NTA."
"Withdraw the money for the excursion out of your account if it’s a joint one and then book your own holiday."
"Your husband is something else."- Popular-Parsnip8911
"Cancel your ticket , take the money, and have a solo vacation doing what you want."
"Or better take the money and hire a divorce attorney."- witchymoon69
"You're TA to yourself if you stay with him."
"He sounds awful."- mjheil
"NTA by far."
"YTA to yourself only, and I mean this with kindness."
"It's this that sticks out: 'First ever couples only vacation in 16 years'."
"That's.... not good."- Deweyoxberg
"NTA."
"Not even close."- TiffanyTwisted11
"My ex used to invite a friend on our vacations so he'd 'have someone to talk to'."
"I felt less lonely after I divorced him and was living all alone than I did when I was with him."- Rose76Tyler
"He is avoiding intimacy."
"People claim to want alone time, then realize they are strangers living together."
"Cancel him and the trip."- ptprn11
"Just a shot in the dark here - is he an alcoholic?"- danathepaina
"I think you need to cancel your cruise, save money for an attorney."
"NTA, and not overreacting."
"Spending excursion money on alcohol, what a d*ck."- boundaries4546
"You know he is."
"Don’t go on the trip."- ImaginaryAd5712
"NTA."
"Your husband is a huge a**hole."
"Why have you put up with someone so selfish and rude for 16 years?"
" At this point you’re falling on the sword."- Total_Poet_5033
The OP later returned with an update, sharing that things didn't seem to be improving with her husband:
"He continues to blame me."
"Asked me to tell 'all my internet friends' that it was actually 14 years and not 16 years since our last solo vacation and that I’m a liar'.”
"My bad."
"I forgot about that first anniversary trip."
"Yes I took screenshots and texted him some of the comments."
"I’m still hurt."
"He resents me for posting this and tells me I’m wrong."
However, after sharing this post with her husband, the OP's husband would later have a change of heart:
"I shared this entire post with him last night."
"We didn’t talk much yesterday."
"I pretended to fall asleep in my son’s room and slept with him."
"This morning, he cried and practically begged for forgiveness."
"I’ve only seen him cry one other time when his dad died."
"The other couple is no longer going."
"He told them he messed up."
"I’m still pretty upset, but I’m grateful he appreciates my perspective."
"While I cannot reply to all of the comments and questions, please know I appreciate all of you."
"I read the links you shared, and some of you provided amazing advice and perspectives."
"Thank you."
It's hard for the OP, or anyone, for that matter, not to think that the OP's husband would have rather spent time with their friends than with the OP.
Not a fun position to be in in general, but even worse on one's anniversary.
Thankfully, perhaps with a little insight from Reddit, the OP's husband came to his senses.
And hopefully they will have a very happy anniversary.
