Dealing with loved ones who are addicts can be a difficult undertaking.
Everyone wants to try to help.
But often, they are beyond help unless they ask for it themselves.
And sometimes when people take them into their homes, they cause chaos.
So what then?
Redditor hiccupsonthee wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for throwing away my friend’s wedding ring?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have a close friend whom I’ve known for about six years now.”
“She is an incredibly kind, compassionate, loving person, and she has struggled with an addiction to opiates since she was in her teens.”
“She got married a year or two ago to the wrong guy, and they are in the process of getting a divorce.”
“As a result, she’s been staying with a friend in the next town who has the same substance issues of choice.”
“Her doctor lives closer to me, so sometimes she crashes on my couch to ensure she gets there on time the next day.”
“When she’s staying here, the rule has always been that if she has to use opiates, she has to go to the detached garage to do it because I have a cat who is prone to just wandering around wherever people are to see what’s up.”
“She stayed over recently, and it was late when she got here.”
“She was not feeling great, so I told her this time she could do it in the bathroom with the door closed, as long as she cleaned the area really well afterward.”
“She promised she would just chill in the bathtub while she smoked her stuff so she could just rinse the tub out when she was done.”
“The next morning, I’m still in bed, and she leaves for her appointment.”
“When I go into the bathroom, I see a zippered pouch in the middle of the tub, which I confirm is where her pipes, tinfoil, lighters, and stuff are.”
“I am pissed off, and I zip it up and put it on a shelf where my cat won’t get it, and thoroughly clean the bathroom.”
“I don’t hear from her for a little over a week, and I don’t want that stuff anywhere in my house, so eventually I throw it away.”
“Yesterday, and a month later, we finally crossed paths, and she asked if she could get the pouch back.”
“I told her I threw it away after a while because I saw a bunch of used paraphernalia, and she knew how I felt about that.”
“Then she tells me her wedding ring was in there.”
“I feel like an a**hole for not giving her a heads up that I was going to toss it, but I also feel like she let me down by leaving that stuff here in the first place.”
“I don’t know if the right thing to do is to give her money for the loss or move on.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA? What should I do?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“She’s a drug addict.”
“For all we know, her ring was never in that pouch, and she just needed an excuse to squeeze money out of you for her next hit.” ~ Front_Net
“Finally, somebody said it!”
“Ring or not, she’s making a fuss about not wanting the stuff in her house while knowingly allowing her to use drugs there!?!” ~ Huge-Drawer-8432
“Hope OP keeps Narcan around for when this friend inevitably has an overdose in the tub.” ~ vegasnative
“NTA for throwing it away, but you may want to evaluate how your behavior comes off as enabling your friend.” ~ Salty_ET
“NTA for throwing it away, but YTA for allowing that in your house in the first place with innocent animals around.”
“Whatever she’s smoking, you’re letting her use your house as a crash pad to do drugs, and in the bathroom too.”
“That s**t sticks to walls and surfaces your animals will touch.”
“You can use the word ‘opiates’, but when you pair it with ‘smoking’, ‘pipes,’ ‘tinfoil,’ it is not the same as a prescription from a medical professional (which is a whole other thing we don’t need to get into here).”
“I get that you want to be understanding of your friend’s addiction and you say several times ‘you don’t want it around’ ‘she knows how I feel about it’, and you did throw it away, but people that don’t want drugs in their lives do not allow it under any circumstances in their homes.”
“And especially don’t tell their friends it’s okay to smoke inside their houses, and normalize it enough that they feel comfortable coming and going and leaving their drugs there.”
“This is not a normal thing.”
“I strongly suggest you think about what kind of pet owner AND friend you want to be.” ~ PineapplePupcake
“She left a valuable ring in her dope bag and left it at your place, breaking her promise.”
“She can hardly blame you for tossing her crap – and she has only herself to blame for forgetting that she put her wedding ring inside her dope pouch.” ~ KarinSpaink
“You are an enabler.”
“Tell her she can’t use a period when at your home (questioning why you even allow her to use the garage, let alone the bathroom).”
“The ring must not have been that important if she left it for a month, and why would she expect you to be a drug warehouse for her?”
“This is not a friend; she is a user and an abuser.” ~ BGS2204
“NTA. But you were really foolish to let her use the bathroom for this because it was totally foreseeable she’d leave her stuff lying around (not the wedding ring) and put your cat at risk.” ~ HelendeVine
“NTA, I’d have tossed it a lot sooner than you.”
“Imagine if you got caught with her stuff.’
“You’d have gotten the blame for it.” ~ Missamerica3232
“NTA. You didn’t do it on purpose.”
“It was an accident that happened as she left stuff lying around, you asked her not to.”
“That said, I’d still say sorry.”
“And hopefully your friend will get the treatment she needs.” ~ Entire-Employment666
“NTA. If I didn’t have my wedding ring after being at someone’s house, I would not go a week before following up.”
“And you didn’t throw it out on purpose.”
“Drug addicts are not reliable or safe, so I don’t know why you would allow an active user in your home.”
“Help her from afar, but stop enabling her and don’t put your home, yourself, or your cat at risk again.” ~ friendlily
“NTA, and I would doubt her story about the ring.”
“If I left something like that behind, I would message the homeowner the moment I realized.”
“Just a heads up to say I left a ring in the bag.”
“Would you mind keeping it safe until next time?”
“That’s what any reasonable person does.” ~ DebtMindless6356
“WHY ARE YOU LETTING HER SMOKE DRUGS IN YOUR HOUSE???”
“For reals.”
“Sorry, she is an addict, but if she is doing drugs and leaving paraphernalia in your house, that’s f**ked up.”
“I wouldn’t have held on to the punch past a day, and I would be godd**ned if I let her use drugs and pass out in my tub so she can just ‘rinse the mess down the drain.'”
“Also, some advice if you are going to let her keep using your house as a crash pad and pass out in your tub, please, for the love of God, go to your police station and get some Narcan, there is a good possibility she will OD at some point.” ~ BaddestReligion
“NTA, if she was that worried about it, she should have taken better care of it.”
“As far as you- don’t let her do that in your house.”
“When she nods off, your cat could get into serious danger.”
“Hell, she left it in your bathtub.”
“I get it, my step is an addict.”
“But it’s still not coming into my house.” ~ Usual_Bumblebee_8274
“NAH. It’s really hard to love someone in active addiction. It’s hard to balance wanting them to be safe, but also setting healthy boundaries for yourself.”
“You can be big mad at her for leaving her crap around and violating your trust.”
“You can hold her accountable for that and at the same time, love and care for her.”
“Lots of things can be true at the same time.”
“Don’t beat yourself up for softening on the rules.”
“This s**t is hard to navigate.”
“If she were my friend, I would be very clear and direct.”
“I would tell her I love her and she is welcome in my home anytime, but her drugs are not.”
“I would not give her cash.”
“And if you don’t have it already, buy some Narcan.”
“Any pharmacist can sell it to you, though some may refuse to.”
“I had trouble getting it.” ~ Historical_Fish_3372
OP came back to chat…
“Thank you all for the feedback.”
“I agree that I am the a**hole for softening up on the rule because I jeopardized the safety of my cat.”
“I regret that.”
“For those who are writing off my friend as a lying drug addict, I’ve known her for six years, and she’s been riding ups and downs in her relationship with drugs the whole time.”
“If you don’t understand that people who live with addictions can still be good people with genuine friendships, that sucks because I bet there are people in your life you don’t even realize are struggling with similar issues.”
“I don’t think she would be better off with one less person who cares about her, and I would rather she do drugs somewhere private and comfortable than on the sidewalk.”
OP, this is a horrible situation.
Reddit has your back.
You’re doing the best you can.
You’re a good person.
Hopefully, your friend realizes that.