Everyone has food preferences and certain foods that they would prefer not to eat, but some people have much fewer foods to pick from than others.
For some people around them, like a romantic partner, their preferences might become frustrating, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, though there are still ways to accommodate tastes.
Redditor Every-Community9492 was over his girlfriend’s limited eating options and decided to trick her into trying something new.
When she accused him of misleading her, the Original Poster (OP) questioned what the big deal was.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not telling my girlfriend her food had shrimp in it?”
The OP was frustrated with his girlfriend for being a picky eater.
“My (23 Male) girlfriend (19 Female) is a picky eater. She doesn’t like fish or pork.”
“On Saturday, we went out to eat in Chinatown with my friend (34 Male) and his girlfriend (22 Female).”
“They have hung out with us enough to know my girlfriend’s palate and how picky she is, so when we go out to dinner, we always have to accommodate her, and our dining suffers as a result.”
The three decided to pull a fast one on the OP’s girlfriend.
“For an appetizer, we ordered spring rolls. My girlfriend asked if they had shrimp in them, and we said no. This was a lie, but she wouldn’t know the difference when she ate them.”
“When the spring rolls came out, the three of us smiled at each other and watched my girlfriend happily eat them.”
“I couldn’t believe she had no idea there was shrimp in the spring rolls. It was minced but still.”
“Anyway, it was pretty funny.”
The trick led to an argument.
“At the end of the meal, we told her the spring rolls had shrimp in them.”
“She got upset at me, and now I am the bad guy, even though my friend was in on it, too.”
“She is saying that’s not cool to mislead her like that and trick her into eating something she doesn’t want to eat.”
“But she makes no sense. She ATE the spring rolls, so obviously she likes shrimp.”
“AITA or is she being too sensitive and needs to grow up?”
As responses started to come in, the OP updated the post with a few clarifications.
“I will clear some things up because a lot of people are freaking out and are overreacting.”
“My girlfriend is simply a picky eater and really stubborn. She acts like a young child with her palate. She refuses to try food she claims she doesn’t like.”
“It has nothing to do with religion or food allergies. Trust me. She would announce if she had an allergy. She claims she is allergic to some fruit and nuts (which I think is just in her head), so I know she wouldn’t hesitate to say she is allergic to shellfish.”
“She also is not Jewish, Muslim, etc. She is just a pain in the a**.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that he had done nothing wrong.
“I’m probably gonna get downvoted to s**t here but NTA.”
“People assume you haven’t inquired about allergies before, and I’m sure you would know the religion and culture of the person you are dating.”
“Also, the consent thing is kinda blowing this up. I think it’s overall pretty harmless.”
“I would like to add, though, that I don’t think the girlfriend is an a**hole, either.”
“Another point is that if it was an allergy or religious thing, she should also be making the restaurant staff painfully aware of this, which I would expect him to be present for.” – Havistan
“NTA. She sounds like a child. She’s mad she enjoyed something that had shrimp in it because she’s so h**l-bent that she ‘doesn’t like shrimp.’ I’m biased, though. I hate picky eaters.” – jbonesjibb
“NTA. She doesn’t have an allergy. She was in no discomfort or ill in any way.”
“It might be the beginning of not having to deal with a picky eater…” – Ballamookieofficial
“NTA. It didn’t hurt her, she enjoyed it. She needs to be less picky. Ignore all these people telling you you are magically in the wrong for paying for a meal she enjoyed.”
“My stepdad doesn’t like mushrooms, but if we mince them up real fine and mix them with ground beef, he has no idea. We tell him after the meal, and his entire response is, ‘Wow, I couldn’t tell at all, that’s impressive,’ which is how an adult SHOULD respond.” – WrumGapper
“NTA. This is how you have to treat children. This is how you have to trick some adults into expanding their food horizons. Otherwise, you could wind up married and eating spaghetti Os and chicken nuggets for the rest of your life.”
“I don’t like shrimp generally, but I’ll try them from time to time. It’s a texture thing. I’m always willing to try foods I’ve already determined I don’t like.”
“This is an important part of learning to eat healthily. You don’t want to be stopping after a friend or family dinner to pick her up McDonald’s all the time.” – guy30000
But others found this to be disrespectful and potentially dangerous behavior.
“YTA. Funny that you think your girlfriend is the one who ‘needs to grow up’ while you and your friends sit there smirking over lying about what someone is eating like you’re junior high kids in a school cafeteria.” – BeJane759
“YTA. Don’t lie to people about what’s in their food.”
“Also, you all grinning at each other as she ate it was some weird group power trip. You’re bullies, and I hope she gets out.” – KaraAuden
“The only time it’s acceptable to lie to somebody about what’s in their food to get them to try it is if they’re like, a very young child. Otherwise, just accept that they are a picky eater and accommodate them as best you can, even if the picky eating is or seems irrational to you.” – Milskidasith
“Ever think she might have had an allergy to seafood or shellfish, and that’s why she avoids eating them? If she had an allergy, you could have killed her with that little trick.”
“And even if she wasn’t allergic, you’re still an a**hole for tricking her into eating something she doesn’t like.” – WolfGoddess77
“I tell people I hate pork. Don’t like it. I use those words instead of describing the fact that my body doesn’t tolerate it and won’t digest it and rockets it immediately out of my body with maybe just a couple minute’s warning.”
“Maybe your girlfriend just knows what her body can tolerate. YTA. Who cares if she eats like a five-year-old? Her body, her call.” – bentscissors
“Order food you both like to share and get food just for yourself. Why is that so difficult?”
“My husband and I like to go out and share food. I don’t like mushrooms or eggplant. So he gets those for himself, and we share other things.”
“YTA for lying and being a smug a** about it.” – EngineeringOwn2299
“YTA as well as the immature one. You lied to her and then made fun of her with your friends.”
“I HATE shrimp, like, absolutely hate it. However, I have totally eaten it in a spring roll without noticing because there are so many other flavors and sauces and such.”
“The difference is, I knew that it had shrimp but tried it anyway. If my partner treated me like you treated her, I would lose my respect for you, and I wouldn’t trust you. What you did was unnecessary and extremely unkind. You need to grow up.” – Deep_Middle9124
“The argument of ‘but she ate it so clearly she likes it’ borders into very uncomfortable territory when you take it to its logical conclusion. OP doesn’t see a problem with lying to his partner to get them to do something more in line with what they want.”
“There is any number of reasons as to why his partner didn’t want to eat shrimp outside of taste, all of which are none of his concern. All he needed to know was that she didn’t want to eat shrimp and then honor that, and he explicitly chose not to.”
“100% YTA, OP.” – AdamOfIzalith
Some were also side-eyeing the OP and his friend for the noticeable age gaps.
“That age gap is getting some side-eye from me on a good day, but the way you and your (34-year-old!) friend decided to treat her like your picky child instead a grown-a** adult is gross.”
“YTA, and if this is how you think relationships, trust, or consent work, you’re going to wind up on a list.” – shadowheart1
“And here we see that even a fairly small age gap can be used by an insecure man to date a younger, and try to control a younger, woman.”
“You’re a whole grown adult. If her eating bothers you so much, why DON’T YOU do the grown-up thing and break up with her and go find someone else who will tolerate you? YTA.” – rohini_rambles
“Definitely YTA. You’re lucky she’s not allergic to shrimp. I am, and if someone did that to me? Restraining order and pay my hospital bills.”
“Regardless of her reasons, if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like it. She’s not a child, and you’re not her father. It’s not your job to get her to ‘expand her palette’ or whatever weird thing you’ve got going on in her head.”
“Also, the age gap is making me raise my eyebrows. Before anyone says anything, I know it’s legal, but it doesn’t mean it’s not weird or off. I’m 22, and 19-year-olds are not in my field of acceptable ages.” – Due_Loan6604
“YTA, significant age gap for that age. You think you know better than she does and that you can make decisions that go directly against her wishes. You think you had an a-ha moment, but the only a-ha was you being a terrible boyfriend.” – boomosaur
Some of the subReddit could understand where the OP was coming from with his general annoyance that his girlfriend didn’t enjoy a wide range of foods and was upset to have been tricked into eating something she normally wouldn’t like.
But most were concerned about the trick the OP and his friends had pulled. Not only could this have led to a terrible allergic reaction for some people, but the moment seems left some Redditors to question what else the OP might do to try to prove a point.