They say opposites attract.
Indeed, sometimes when you love someone enough, it's easy to overlook any differences you may have, be they minuscule or fundamental.
There are, however, some differences that are a bit harder to overlook.
Sometimes putting relationships to the test.
Redditor Tough_District9786 had one major difference with his girlfriend.
A difference that made going out together very challenging.
Eventually leading the original poster (OP) to wonder if he would be entitled to a bit more solo time.
Still unsure of whether or not this would be wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA bc I (36 M[ale]) don't want my girlfriend (36 F[emale) to travel with me because she's a picky eater?"
The OP explained why he was seriously considering taking his next major trip without his girlfriend:
"My girlfriend says she can't eat any vegetables, and honestly, eating in general is a challenge."
"Right now we have an agreement that I can go out and eat at a restaurant alone once a month, alone bc I just need the ability to eat whatever I want without consequence."
"But for her - she can't even pick lettuce/tomato/onion off her hamburger."
"It needs to be a patty with cheese only."
"She can't eat street tacos, just tacos from Taco Bell."
"I'm really concerned about traveling, and I've received the chance to travel more, and I just want to be able to eat without overthinking everything."
"Each day, when I order food, it becomes about whether or not she can eat anything off the menu, and I find I can't even take her to restaurants without a children's menu."
"I've learned that restaurants with a children's menu will have at least something she can eat."
"I feel like a huge a-hole, but I can't do this anymore."
"I just want to be able to pick for myself without meltdowns."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for traveling without his girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP deserved to enjoy his food without his girlfriend's pickiness, with many wondering whether they had any future as a couple.
"You sound incompatible."
"NTA but do you want the rest of your life to be like this?"
"Also need to say that this sentence is really sad and not okay:"
“'We have an agreement that I can go out and eat at a restaurant alone once a month'.”
"This isn’t something that should need an 'agreement'."
"You can eat alone at a restaurant any time you choose."- embopbopbopdoowop
"I have a brother who is also a picky eater, and I freely admit I don't understand the condition."
"Food is one of the great pleasures of my life."
"Few things make me happier than the prospect of seeking out new eating places and trying dishes I've never had before."
"Sometimes I wonder how we grew up in the same family."
"That said, your girlfriend's picky eating isn't the issue here, any more than my brother's picky eating is an issue for me (or any of us) when we go out for a family dinner."
"Because it isn't."
"Rather, the issue with you and your girlfriend is the somewhat puzzling dynamic that's going on between you two."
"The language you've used to describe your situation is revealing."
"Let's break it down:"
"Honestly, eating in general is a challenge."
"A challenge for whom?"
"For you?"
"You're not the picky eater, so why is it a challenge for you?"
"Right now we have an agreement that I can go out and eat at a restaurant alone once a month alone."
"So you felt obliged to agree to the terms of this arrangement she has imposed upon you, even though you want more out of life"
"Why would you agree to her controlling you like this?"
"bc I just need the ability to eat whatever I want without consequence."
"WHAT consequence?"
"You DO have the ability to eat whatever you want."
"You've always had it."
"Start exercising it."
"But for her - she can't even pick lettuce/tomato/onion off her hamburger."
"It needs to be a patty with cheese only."
"She cant eat street tacos, just tacos from Taco Bell."
"So why is that your problem?"
"She's a grown-up. She can solve her own problem."
"She can either find something on the menu she likes, OR she can load up beforehand and sit and make conversation while you eat, OR she can eat afterward, OR - if she really hates the idea of sitting and watching you eat - she can eat elsewhere or stay home."
"I genuinely don't understand why you have become so invested in HER problem."
"I'm really concerned about traveling, and I've received the chance to travel more."
"Congratulations!"
"Go!"
"Travel!"
"Enjoy!"
"And I just want to be able to eat without overthinking everything."
"You CAN."
"You don't have to overthink anything."
"You just say 'Girlfriend, here's where I plan to eat tonight. You can join me if you want, or you can find somewhere more to your liking, and we'll meet back here afterward."
"Each day, when I order food, it becomes about whether or not she can eat anything off the menu, and I find I can't even take her to restaurants without a children's menu."
"I've learned that restaurants with a children's menu will have at least something she can eat."
"You don't have to TAKE her anywhere."
"You're not her parent."
"I repeat, she's a grown-up, not a toddler you have to escort around."
"If she can't find anything she likes at the place you want to eat, that's HER problem to solve, not yours."
"I feel like a huge a**hole, but I can't do this anymore."
"You should never have been doing this in the first place."
"I just want to be able to pick for myself without meltdowns."
"Aha!"
"Finally, we have it!"
"Meltdowns'."
"Is that the consequence you hinted at earlier?"
"Is she making you feel like YOU are responsible for satisfying her pickiness, and does she have a meltdown when you can't?"
"If so, THAT'S the real issue here."
"Not her pickiness per se, but the fact that she is taking what should be entirely her problem to solve and making it YOUR problem."
"Unlike my brother, who has never turned his pickiness into anyone else's problem, not even his wife's."
"Your girlfriend should not be doing that."
"And it means the issue you have is much greater than where and how often you eat out and whether you go traveling with her."
"If you want to stay with this woman, you would both benefit from counseling."
"NTA."
"I am neither disbelieving nor scornful of the girlfriend's food aversions."
"I KNOW that food aversions are not necessarily a free choice."
"I know that ARFID is real."
"I know that autism causes sensory issues, which may extend to food."
"If you read all of my comments here, you'll see that not once have I been critical of the girlfriend's limited diet, any more than I'm critical of my brother's."
"He can't help it, and most likely, neither can OP's girlfriend."
"I have been critical only of the girlfriend's behavior towards OP - her attempts to control what he does and make HIM responsible for satisfying her dietary needs."- ThisWillAgeWell
"Why is she conditioning what you can or can't eat or where you two can go!"
"I mean, this should be a 50/50 situation!"
"She should compromise sometimes, not only you!"
"You are doing everything to accommodate her complicated preferences; she is doing absolutely nothing to accommodate your pretty standard situation!"
"NTA!"
"Actually, a very common mistake in younger couples: the person who is more flexible ends up adapting completely to the other because it's easier for them to adapt, while the person who is more rigid ends up being a lazy life partner expecting the other to adapt to everything so they don't need do anything."
"This is not fair nor healthy for you, and it's not a realistic way to maintain a relationship."- No-Being4681
"I couldn't deal with this level of pickiness."
"She's 36. It's not going to get better unless she gets significant therapy."
"You're NTA for not wanting to travel with her."
"But if she doesn't even want you going out to eat without her, I can't imagine she's going to be happy about your choice."
"Just end things."- whenyajustcant
"NTA."
"I think you already know the answer to your questions."
"If this is unsustainable to you, you can always break up."
"No judgment."- asiangontear
"I think you need to solve this in a workable way before traveling, like try to improve your situation here first."
"First thought in my mind is: why do you need to manage this for her?"
"It sounds like she’s not suggesting any restaurants but expects you to bring her to places."
"I would make her pick."
"Also, if she's this restricted, maybe you two can go out and pick something up for her on the way, and then she’s just sitting with you having a drink or a dessert or something."
"Then you mentioned meltdowns - what are we talking here?"
"She is allowed to avoid certain foods, but at 36, she should be able to manage her emotions without melting down?"
"I don’t want to be rude, but she might need to try therapy to manage her situation better."
"I don’t want to say she has this or that, but we’ve known for quite some time now that some people are not just picky."
"Either way, she shouldn’t put everything on you."
"NTA."- emadelosa
It is not a requirement for a couple to like and dislike all the same things.
But in order to maintain a little bit of harmony, some compromise is required.
Something that seems to be a problem between the OP and his girlfriend.
Leaving one to wonder if a lot of solo vacations are in the OP's future...
