We all say things that we regret.
Whether or not the words come with the best of intentions or a misunderstanding or even just as a bad reaction, hurtful words will come out of us at some point.
The test, then, is what we do after we hurt someone we love with something we say.
So what happens when someone you love fails that test?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) bluebells-in-disguis when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend to shut the f*ck up after she insulted my sisters thighs?”
OP began with the background.
“I’m 30 and my 12-year-old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being.”
“She is a really great kid and tbh I feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak English so I kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t.”
“Hard to explain but I’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what I mean-“
“My mom and dad are great parents but having an English-speaking person to guide you through sh*t when you live in an English-speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with.”
“Anyway my girlfriend was FaceTiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t-shirt cuz it’s hot.”
He then got to the start of the issue.
“My sister gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less OP, her thighs are kinda chunky’”
“I saw red and told her to shut the f*ck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call.”
“My sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12-year-old girl.”
“Literally. Everybody. I. Know. Has been texting me that I’m a POS boyfriend and that how can I disrespect my gf like that.”
“I am expecting an apology from HER but to my shock everybody is expecting ME to apologize.”
OP was left to wonder,
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some were very direct.
“So f*cking low.”
“I can still remember things people said about my weight when I was that age and I’m 25 now. It’s cruel.” ~ BombusTerrestris
“Huge NTA.”
“Body shaming a 12-year-old is a low move.” ~ bgarth91
Others commiserated with personal stories.
“Same.”
“My daughter is 10 and because my husband is a giant she’s twice as tall as her friends despite being a year younger, and she’s very solidly built.”
“I have to build her up every day and reassure her that she isn’t ‘fat’, that she is absolutely beautiful, and try to get in front of the negativity she encounters constantly on the internet.”
“If she heard a comment like that it would instantly destroy everything positive I say to her.” ~
Critonurmom
“My little sister was called Shaq and the Hulk because she was so tall and had a big butt.”
“I got into a few fights and told her how much people suck.”
“She’s 5’7″ and still has a big butt and tiny waist, she loves herself now.” ~ KOloverr
“I’ve always been overweight and it took me over a decade to recover from things my own family had said to me about my weight growing up.”
“My entire family except for my grandmother is overweight.”
“My grandmother was a 1930s cheerleader who stood at a lousy 94lbs her whole life with osteoporosis always made comments to my parents when we would visit growing up on top of me getting picked on at school.”
“When I was 16, I developed anorexia.”
“I lost 60lbs.”
“My grandmother died when I was 14.”
“Never got to see it and good riddance it took me until I was in my early 20s (I’m 29 now) that I became real comfortable with my body and self to accept that I’m always going to be thick.”
“But hey, I’m at 155 now and got the big boobs and big butt and my bf loves it. I wish I could have told my grandma to STFU” ~ HereInTheNight
OP’s girlfriend was not spared condemnation.
“Brother of the year – more 12 year olds need adults to put other adults in their place when discussing body image.”
“GF is awful and should know better. Hopefully the GF realizes how great of a guy you are and changes her tone.” ~ eurcka
“She had a chance to change her tone, and instead went and spun the narrative to make her look good, and alienate the op from their entire friend group.”
“I’d say she has no emotional awareness.” ~ IthurielSpear
“Yeah, for me this would be instant break up.”
“I would absolutely not be with someone who says something like that.”
“And now, even if she doesn’t say it out loud in the future- how can you guarantee that she isn’t thinking it or doing any number of subconscious reinforcement of that mindset when you aren’t around.”
“Because I can promise your sis might not come to you if your gf says something to her or make little comments like that to her when you aren’t around.”
“Instead she’ll internalize it and it can do lasting damage.”
“Most people who would body shame a child and tell you to stop feeding them because of chunky thighs is NOT someone who will change with a simple conversation.”
“This hints to a deeply different set of personal standards and beliefs.”
“For me, this would be a reason to automatically end any relation with said person.”
“I say you are def NTA for telling her to shut the f*ck up. (It’s honestly pretty tame to what would have come out of my mouth.)” ~ Laurainestaire
Many wondered how full of holes GF’s story was.
“If you didn’t tell your friends what happened during the conversation, that means your GF did.”
“If they’re now telling you to apologize, then she’s twisted and warped the story to somehow make her look like the victim and not the 12-year-old girl she horrifically insulted, because no one in their right mind would support someone who said something that mean and she knows it.”
“You are NTA and your (ex?) GF is definitely the huge AH.” ~ YupYupDog
“Yea Im thinking GF definitely didn’t message her friends saying ‘I called his 12yo sister a fat pig and said she needs to eat less and then he had the audacity to tell me to shut up!'”
“I’m betting she left out the first part and just told them how he disrespected her. Either that or GFs friends are all equally sh*tty people” ~ Whalez
Commenters pointed out that this might be a larger issue.
“It sounds to me like you have a very insecure partner.”
“While that in itself might not be a good reason to break up (obviously, it depends on the person and the relationship), I think she has shown you that she has a really nasty, mean spirit with her comments.”
“Hopefully, she grows from this experience and can reflect on why she needs to insult children to feel better about herself.” ~ thedarklorddecending
“Not even just the comment itself -“
“The fact that she’s now going around and telling everyone about the incident and painting herself as the victim to the point that they’re approaching you is another red flag to consider.”
“Is this how you’d want future issues/disagreements within your relationship handled?” ~ sammythetoller
Some even warned of possible future problems.
“Also throwing this out there because you’re 30 and sh*t happens…”
“Can you imagine having a kid with this woman, and that kid turned out to be a girl?”
“She would most likely be a toxic mom who constantly body shames.”
“Don’t walk RUN away from this relationship.” ~ petty_and_sweaty
Body shaming is never okay.
“SO MUCH NTA,”
“And the fact that your girlfriend doesn’t get why she’s TA is a huge red flag.”
“By the time most girls are 12 they are hyper-aware of their bodies and how their bodies are being perceived by others, and that age in particular is a huge minefield of garbage that girls have to deal with”
“(It’s when both body shaming and sexual harassment really becomes a thing, which is a contradictory mindfuck in it’s own right).”
“I don’t think I’m being melodramatic when I say that hearing something like that could lead to a girl not wearing shorts again for her entire teen years.”
“But what’s an alarm bell in my mind is that your girlfriend knows this, and instead of realizing how f*cked up it is, she’s enforcing the deranged rules that were likely enforced on her and all of the other girls she knows.”
“And her friend’s reactions indicate the same, that instead of coming to the realization that these rules are bullsh*t, they are now the ones who are enforcing them on other innocent girls and women.”
“This unfortunately isn’t a wildly uncommon reaction, but it is a wildly inappropriate one.” ~ TheJujyfruiter
Body shaming and self-image problems are rampant throughout the world.
From terrible advertisements that enforce ridiculous standards to the mean comments we say in our own heads, the problem is everywhere.
So, when you have the chance to stand against this issue, do so.