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Woman Balks After Her Parents Expect Her To Give Her Apartment To Her Freeloading Brother

A couple argues, the woman irate, the man holds his head in his hands

Unwanted houseguests are one of life’s most annoying issues.

Movies have been made about it.

Songs crooned about it.

Anyone who has lived in NYC has a story about an annoying person that just won’t leave.

It’s especially difficult when that person is family.

Case in point…

Redditor serious-stuff45 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not moving out of my apartment so my brother can have it?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (F[emale] 23) have an older brother (32).”

“I moved out of my parent’s house earlier than him and found a small place for myself that is really close to my job.”

“The place is not the biggest, it’s a one-bedroom apartment – but it is enough for one person, and the rent is very cheap, so I’m extremely happy with it.”

“I put a lot of work into it and made sure it was my little happy space.”

“Recently, my brother started staying over now and then.”

“I don’t have a problem with that, he works the night shift, and my place is also closer to his job than my parent’s house.”

“The problem began when he started bringing more and more of his stuff to my place.”

“He brought his PS4, started gaming in my living room, and is overall just being a terribly inconsiderate guest and treats me like our mom.”

“I brought this up with my parents, and my dad suggested that I should let my brother live there and get myself a new apartment.”

“He said I should look for a bigger place because my brother makes less money, and he could afford my place, and I could find something better.”

“But I don’t want a bigger apartment.”

“I have no plans to have a family or partner where I would need anything more than one bedroom.”

“And I put so much work into personalizing my apartment that this feels so unfair.”

“My parents said I’d be an a**hole for both, kicking my brother out now for staying over and not giving him the place.”

“Is that true?”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. Please do not let your family bully you into giving up the thing you worked hard for.”

“Your brother is a grown-a** man (32 years old) and can definitely find another place if he needs to and can’t be a considerate guest.”

“That is YOUR space, and you need to put your foot down/have a strong backbone because clearly, your parents are going to side with him once you make it clear you aren’t giving him the place.”

“Also, why would you need something bigger?”

“What you have works for you.”

“Again, don’t let anyone bully you or manipulate you.”

“He’s THIRTY. Let that man figure his own sh*t out. He isn’t your responsibility.”

“If you need him out, kick his a** out.”  ~ catmom22_

“She absolutely needs to make sure he doesn’t stick around long enough to claim squatter’s rights.”

“Sounds like the type that would throw a tantrum and wreck everything if they had to be evicted.”

“This mess has gone from ‘crashing once in a while because night shift sucks’ – which is understandable – to ‘I’m just slowly gonna move my sh*t in and you can either play mommy or leave’ – which is f**king gross.”

“I haven’t read the entire comments – has she informed the landlord that someone that was a guest is trying now just to stay?”

“As much as I dislike landlords, a good one can nip this in the bud much easier than OP trying to tell her family that her brother can’t live there.” ~ Moravandra

“Absolutely! But don’t let them make it a discussion.”

“Just tell your brother he can’t stay in your apartment anymore.”

“Don’t give reasons or debate it.”

“For inspiration, you might read Bartleby the Scribner and just answer, ‘I prefer not.'”

“It should work better for you. NTA.”  ~ BeginAgain2Infinitum

“OP – once you take his gaming items etc, back to your parent’s house as well as his other items and change the locks, you will have moved your brother out.”

“Or you tell him you have a friend from out of town staying for two weeks, and as such, he will need to vacate.”

“Talk about it with your parents and ask him to move his stuff out temporarily.”

“Have a friend stay a week whilst you get the locks changed.”

“Less mess to do this!”

“And he won’t want to go without his gaming.”  ~ Turbulent_Patience_3

“Golden boy here is 32.”

“He should have been weaned off the titty a long time ago.”

“It’s time for him to be released into the wild and sink or swim on his own.”

“If his parents consider being a grown-up too big of a task for him, then they should be the ones who continue to wipe his a**, not OP.”

“The fact that their 23-year-old daughter has a higher-paying job and is a well-functioning member of society doesn’t even factor in.”

“I believe Mark Zuckerberg also has a higher-paid job than the enlightened son over here, but that’s also irrelevant.”  ~ Midi58076

“The parents want him the heck out and just don’t want to risk their relationship doing it!”

“They want OP to do all the work. LOL. NTA.” ~ StrangledInMoonlight

“Kind of stupid of them if that is the case because they risk their relationship with OP.”

“If they are okay with that, then it looks like a brother is a golden child.”

“Still, my vote is NTA.”

“OP needs to move the brother out. He’s not paying to live there.”

“Inform the landlord, change the locks, box up all his sh*t, and let him and the parents figure out another place for him to live.” ~ Redtori2009

“I don’t think the parents care, for whatever reason, about risking their relationship with the OP.”

“Inform the landlord, remove his stuff, and change the locks is the correct answer.” ~ theloveburts

“NTA. OP, talk to the landlord and see if you can get your locks changed.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine with it as long as they get a key.”

“Also, make sure they know to not let your family into your place.”

“Then box up your brother’s stuff and bring it to your parent’s house.”

“If you have a key to their place, just go put his stuff in his room while everyone’s out sometime.”

“Then go home, turn off/mute your phone, and have a nice relaxing evening.”

“Parents and bro are going to be mad.”

“They’re going to claim they have some right to your place.”

“But it sounds like they didn’t pay for anything or even help you find the apartment, so they can buzz off.”

“Again, tell your landlord what’s up, and if you’re friendly with your neighbors, maybe let them know too so they know not to let your family in.”

“If they start harassing you by buzzing your door till you let them in, I suggest some good earplugs.”

“Maybe ask your landlord if the buzzer sound can be disconnected for a week or two, and just have friends text you when they visit. ~ not_princess_leia

“My guess is they were trying to force the situation where OP is still not reimbursed for the deposit and first month’s rent and has to fork out for their own again at a new place.”

“AND let’s not bother taking their name off the lease as that seems a faff when ‘we’re all family.'”

“Oh, brother hasn’t got enough to cover rent this month. Oh, well, it’s OP’s responsibility anyway, as it’s their name on the lease.”  ~ DancingLadybird

“Further, it’s pretty clear your parents are using you to get your brother out of their house.”

“If you don’t want to move/take him on as a roommate, change the locks and make it clear you will not be having contact with any of them until they recognize this isn’t happening.”

“Your brother has become far too comfortable using your place.”

“Consider charging a reasonable entry fee (maybe $25/ night) for his share of utilities and amenities and your inconvenience fee for his overnight visits, AND DON’T let him have a key.”  ~ Disastrous_Photo_388

“Or better yet, get the landlord to explain there will be a $50 surcharge billed directly to him every time he stays there because he’s not on the lease and their rules will not allow him to live there because there is only one bedroom.” ~ theloveburts

“I can’t decide if your brother has always been your parents’ favorite or if they are just so desperate to get a 32-year-old man out of their house that they are willing to screw you over in the process.”

“Either way, NTA and get that parasite out of your happy place ASAP!” ~ Due_Laugh_3852

OP gave an Update…

“With some additional info: My brother does not pay rent to me, he used to stay here for only a couple of days, but it’s been turning into weeks.”

“I did contact my landlord as of today, she hasn’t responded yet, but she’s nice, so I hope she’ll understand my situation.”

“Also, additional info – I didn’t know my parents or my dad would react like this.”

“I thought he’d help me talk to him. We don’t have a bad relationship.”

“I am trying to figure out why he thinks my brother should have my apartment too, but my dad hasn’t been responsive since that conversation.”

Well, OP, Reddit is on your side.

This is a very stressful situation.

Putting yourself first is the most important thing.

It sounds like family counseling to no contact maybe in need.

Good luck.