Life is full of tough choices and inconvenient sacrifices.
Especially when comes to important plans.
There will always be events that have to be missed.
The worst events to miss are family events.
Sometimes, the family doesn’t take the absence well.
No matter what the excuse, the wound is there.
And that wound can get deeper and deeper with each following conversation.
Case in point…
Redditor Affectionate-Rip5017 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for choosing my wife instead of my niece?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (M[ale] 25) have a niece (F[emale] 6), I’m her godfather, she’s the only kid in the family for now so she’s quite spoiled.”
“Her birthday party was last Saturday.”
“My sister said that my niece wanted a Disney themed birthday (Encanto), so my sister asked me to dress up as one of the characters.”
“This is something that we usually do for my niece since she likes it and it’s fun.”
“I said yes like three weeks ago, so please have that in mind.”
“My wife (F 25) is pregnant, she’s nine weeks along, but she’s already having a lot of symptoms and she doesn’t feel great.”
“She has a lot of nausea, some smells get her very sick and she’s just feeling tired/ moody since she’s not getting a lot of sleep either.”
“The day before the party she had been sick most of the night, so we didn’t sleep well.”
“The party was at 2 pm, my wife actually told me to go to the party because she could stay alone, she was tired and feeling quite needy but she was mostly ‘fine’ (no nausea at the moment, she was able to eat something and was a bit more comfortable) but I felt terrible leaving her alone.
“So I decided to stay with her so we could cuddle and rest.”
“I texted my sister to let her know that I’m not coming to the party at around 1:45 or so.”
“Now, I know my sister, I know that she and our family would’ve called me and sent me texts to try to get me to go, so my wife and I turned our phones off so we could have a peaceful nap.”
“Just as I thought, hours later when I turned on my phone again I had tons of calls and missed texts.”
“I read the texts and it seems like at some point my niece made a big tantrum because I wasn’t there and because I promised her to go as one of the characters of the movie and play with her/ the kids.”
“She refused to do anything and listen to her parents, so long story short they had to end the party early.”
“My whole family is absolutely blaming me for ruining the party.”
“My sister said I’m an a**hole because I promised her daughter to be there dressed up and then didn’t show up.”
“I reminded her that I said yes three weeks ago, so a lot of stuff can change in those three weeks.”
“I told them what my wife was going through and why I wanted to stay with her.”
“They called me up and said that she (my wife) is somehow trying to get me away from them.”
“They said that she’s an adult and doesn’t need to be pampered all the time, she could be alone for a couple of hours alone.”
“I told them off for acting and talking like that about her, and said that I can do whatever I want with my time.”
“And I told my sister that if she would’ve raised her daughter better then she wouldn’t have made that scene.”
“We had a big argument which ended in insults.”
“Now almost everyone is on their side and not mine.”
“Am I really wrong here?”
“I feel like they’re not trying to understand the reason why I didn’t go to the party, like I’d rather not have my wife feel great and go to the birthday party than this.”
“They say that I’m acting selfish but to me, they’re the selfish ones.”
“Please give your opinions and I’ll answer any questions if there’s any.”
The OP was left to wonder:
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP and everyone involved the A**hole.
“Close to NTA, but you f**ked up just enough to move this to ESH territory.”
“Your wife is pregnant, so she auto-wins; if she’s feeling shi**y, then you can automatically bail on any commitment.”
“BUT – you committed to this party and the birthday girl was informed of your commitment and you only gave 15 minutes’ notice and you didn’t explain why you wouldn’t be reachable for several hours in your first message.”
“You could have given much more advance notice and you could have either responded to their texts or told them that you wouldn’t be at your phone until later.”
“And it doesn’t sound like you apologized to your niece, which you should have, instead of basically telling her that it’s okay that you pulled out 15 minutes before the event because you committed all the way back 3 weeks ago.” ~ dishonestgandalf
“At 9 weeks morning sickness is going to happen, plus early in your pregnancy, most are exhausted for a bit.”
“I couldn’t keep my eyes open at about 2-3 months along.”
“Needy may have been his words.”
“She told him to go.”
“He probably was tired from waking up too.”
“He should have just said he was unwell and not through his wife under the bus.” ~ Glengal
“Yeah at 9 weeks pregnant I was borderline comatose, only disturbed by intense bouts of a fun game called ‘Will this just be gagging or will I projectile vomit?'”
“While there were times I just wanted my partner to lie around cuddling, if he had committed to a significant engagement (like taking an active part in his niece’s birthday) I wouldn’t even notice if he was home since I would have slept from the moment he left until the moment he came home.”
“Which is what it sounds like OP did.”
“A pregnant wife is, and should be, a priority.”
“However – the rest of your life doesn’t stop.”
“OP knew his family would be upset, which is why he turned off his phone.”
“Now he feels guilty and is coming here to be soothed and justify his actions.”
“OP, you owe your niece an apology.” ~ morbid_n_creepifying
“I agree with this.”
“Every pregnancy is different, but generally the whole first trimester just sucks.”
“Unless your wife was feeling acutely ill, cuddling and napping is a perk rather than a requirement.”
“You promised a kid you’d be at her party playing a significant role in the activities, bailed 15 minutes before, and turned off your phone.”
“That’s not cool. YTA.” ~ JLD143
“It doesn’t matter what he chose.”
“A 6-year-old shouldn’t behave so badly that they have to end a party early.”
“That’s on the parents.”
“But his wife was sick and could’ve been sick again at any moment.”
“There’s no way to plan for that. So NTA.” ~ Top_Marzipan_7466
“ESH except for your wife who is sick and your niece who is six.”
“You are an a**hole for being mean to your sister about your niece and expecting so much of her.”
“Of course, she cried and freaked out and was upset because she was disappointed.”
“Saying she should have raised her better and being mean about her was really cruel of you.”
“She is a little kid and that absolutely sucked of you.”
“Boy is parenting going to wake your a** up.”
“Your sister sucked and so does the rest of your family for not realizing that your wife is pregnant and ill and that yes, she does come first and that sometimes plans have to change because of sickness.”
“Then blaming your wife for separating you from the family is histrionic and absolutely vile.”
“Unacceptable. Your niece is not an AH because she is 6 years old and you are being a jerk about her.”
“Your wife is not an AH because she is pregnant and sick.”
“And even if she had asked you to stay behind, she has every right to do so.”
“Everyone else here is an absolute jerk.” ~ Fooftato
“As a pregnant woman who’s been through what your partner is going through right now, I appreciate you staying home.”
“Just the feeling itself that she’s not alone at home helps very much.”
“However, I would have called and explained, talked to the birthday girl, wished her happy birthday, and said that you are sorry you cannot attend.”
“It’s a kid after all.” ~ silv1377
OP came back to chat…
“My wife told me to go to the party if I wanted, but she preferred me to stay since she wanted cuddles.”
“She wasn’t feeling very sick physically at the moment, but she mostly wanted emotional support.”
“Please bear with me if I don’t explain myself too well, we’re Spanish.”
“I can’t answer all the comments I’m sorry!!”
“My family knows that my wife is pregnant for those who were wondering.”
“My niece is six years old, not sixteen!!”
“I told them I wasn’t going fifteen minutes before because I was debating whether to go or not.”
“My wife said to go but she wanted me to stay since she needed emotional support, she’s needy and emotional right now.”
“I know that turning off the phone is rude, sorry, I’m just used to doing it since my family is too much sometimes and they can’t take a no when I do something they don’t like.”
“So I wanted to prevent that or at least postpone it.”
“Also, this was my niece’s birthday party but her actual birthday was another day.”
“That’s why I didn’t mention telling her happy birthday or something like that, I greeted her on her birthday day (last Wednesday).”
Well, OP, this is a messy situation.
Reddit doesn’t seem thrilled with any of you.
It sounds like emotions are high all around.
Pregnancy and family isn’t always smooth sailing.
Hopefully, after some time passes everyone can sit down and have a calm chat.