A 33-year-old man is contemplating how to deal with his fiancée after she took it upon herself to cancel his job interview because she disapproved of his potential supervisor.
As he was unsure if he was the one in the wrong in their ongoing feud, the Original Poster (OP) took to Reddit to gather others' opinions of the situation.
The user, who has since deleted his Reddit account, asked:
"AITA For losing it when my fiancee cancelled my job interview?"
OP began with some background on his current employment situation, or lack thereof.
"I M[ale] 33 been engaged to my fiancee F[female] 28 for over 7 months and were planning on having the wedding next year."
"Thing is I've been struggling to find a new job after I lost my previous job due to reasons that are out of my control and it was hard because I worked so hard for this company and I ended up being told that I was no longer needed."
"I been struggling with rent/bills and my fiancee is the one taking care of rent for now, while I take care of other things and help as much as I can."
"After looking for 4 months I finally found a potential job opportunity and contacted the company and set up a date for an interview."
"I've learnt that the manger is a lady and for a reason that pissed my fiancee off, she told me having a woman as your boss is never a good thing because she says women take advantage of their positions and get employees to do things for them so they could benefit."
"I thought that was just wrong and ignorant to be honest."
"She told me to keep looking for other jobs and cancel my interview but I refused I wasn't going to throw this opportunity away after looking for months."
"Besides I feel frustrated and helpless without a job not to mention not being able to pay for rent and other things since she complains that I don't contribute in anything."
"She threw a fit and kept bringing it up over and over again. A few days ago I found out that she used my laptop and cancelled my interview with the company."
"I was so mad when I contacted the company and they told me that they had other potential employees that attended interviews and that I was two days late."
This was just too much for OP to take.
"I yelled at my fiancee especially when she didn't even deny it. She thought I was overreacting and that she'll 'try' and find another job for me."
"I just couldn't take it and yelled at her for cancelling an important interview because she felt insecure."
"She got upset that I called her out on her insecurities and thought I was in the wrong for how I reacted. She's refusing to even talk about it without me apologizing to her first."
"I haven't apologized and She's even more pissed saying I shouldn't treat her like this when she's working and paying for rent and that I should appreciate her for that instead of being mad at her."
Redditors pronounced judgement on the situation by voting:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone's Sucks Here
There was very little disagreement in the comments, with most Redditors pronouncing that OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA and welcome to a preview of what your marriage will be like if you go through with it. This controlling, jealous, and abusive behavior typically only increases once you have locked the spouse down."
"Doubly so if you dont have your own income or control of finances, leaving you with no real way out" ~ justajigglygiraffe
"Does she expect some sort of hi-five or congratulations on canceling your interview and being the 'breadwinner'?"
"All I read is MANIPULATIVE and CONTROLLING!" ~ throwawaybitterlatina
A huge number of people suggested that OP get out of the relationship while he still can.
"NTA. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN" ~yourshadowtwin
"More red flags than a May Day parade. It's time for a serious re-evaluation and for OP to start working towards an exit strategy from what is clearly a toxic relationship that is only going to get worse." ~ Far_Administration41
"Run fast in the opposite direction. The gall of her canceling your interview is unforgivable she is totally and utterly a controlling insecure untrusting a**hole." ~ carrieosman
"Op get your best sneakers on and run for the hills" ~ someadvice
"NTA. I don't generally recommend this. Unless a relationship is physically abusive I really don't. Usually I just say that you need to consider if this is working or that it's going to be hard work from here. Things like that."
"But seriously, dump her a** and get out. You can't fix this kind of stupid behavior and she will continue to do crap like this throughout your entire relationship."
"GET OUT NOW. RUN. DONT WALK." ~ What_Was_I_doi
"Everyone is saying to run and nobody is explaining why. What she did is a form of financial and emotional abuse."
"She cancelled your interview so 1. You wouldn't be under the control of another woman and 2. She can be the one in control of the finances and 3. Continue being praised and in control for being the only one bringing home the bread."
"NTA. Get out and get away from her." ~ Maudella
OP has since deleted the post, and his account, so there probably won't be any followup on the situation.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.