Even though we’re at the end of 2021, many of us are still struggling with moments of sexual harassment in our day-to-day lives, like catcalling on the street.
The best thing we can do is stand up for each other when these moments happen, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor d0vahkiit went so far as to kick her boyfriend’s brother out of her car after he behaved inappropriately in her car.
But after seeing her boyfriend’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was too harsh.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving my boyfriend’s brother on the side of the road?”
The OP offered to give her boyfriend’s brother a ride.
“Not long ago, I (21 [Female]) was in the car with my boyfriend (25 [Male]) who I’ll call ‘Rick’ and his older brother (27 [Male]) who I’ll call ‘Jay.'”
“I was the one driving and owner of the car. Rick was sitting in the passenger seat next to me, and Jay was in the back.”
“I had agreed to give Jay a ride somewhere since he has no car or license, and Rick had tagged along.”
The brother started making comments from the backseat.
“Everything was going fine until I drove up to a red light.”
“We’re sitting there when Jay noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk, who he proceeded to start catcalling.”
“He was yelling things like, ‘Hey sexy, nice a**, come over here,’ etc, and whistling at her.”
“This immediately made me annoyed, since I can’t stand when guys talk to me or other women this way. It’s degrading and was obviously making the woman feel uncomfortable.”
“So I told Jay I wasn’t going to have catcalling happening from my car. Either he could stop right away or get out and find another ride.”
“He started arguing that he was allowed to say what he wants and women like to be complimented anyway.”
The OP heard enough.
“We went back and forth for a little bit when finally I just pulled over and told him to get out of the car.”
“I said that since he wanted to harass someone so badly, then he could do it from the sidewalk but not my back seat.”
“Then I drove off. I didn’t just leave him stranded, as he had a phone and money.”
The OP’s boyfriend was not pleased.
“But Rick was upset, saying I went too far and that kicking him out of the car was petty.”
“He didn’t really talk to me the rest of the drive home.”
“Jay is still angry and hasn’t talked to me since, and he’s telling his family about what a jerk I am for ditching him.”
“Most of them have taken his side and say I am in the wrong for overreacting, but I don’t think so.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP undoubtedly did the right thing.
“NTA. If more of these jerks were brought up short every time they did this sort of thing, maybe they’d learn to be more civil. Also, you gave him an opportunity to stop, and he didn’t.”
“It was your car and you were giving him a ride as a favor, and he took it upon himself to act like a total tool? And he tried to ‘explain’ how women felt about catcalled? Gross.”
“Good for you, OP. Keep polishing that nice, shiny spine!” – Arbor_Arabicae
“1. It’s not hard to be a decent human being, and his mansplaination of what women like is obnoxious.”
“2. Even if he hadn’t done he above (which he did), it’s your car, your rules.” – QuiestestDesperations
“He could’ve just… stopped. Like it would’ve been so simple to just NOT scream harassment out the window. But somehow he thinks you’re petty?” – personofpaper
“Absolutely NTA, catcalling is deplorable and by letting it happen you’re facilitating it. Kicking him out sets a clear message on where you stand and allows Jay a hard learned lesson.” – CustomerComfortable3
“NTA. You were doing someone a favor.”
“They did something offensive in your car, refused to stop, and had the nerve to argue with you, stating he is entitled to behave that way.”
“In short, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your bf and his family aren’t any better.” – holisarcasm
Others agreed and cautioned the OP to take a hard look at her relationship.
“Catcalling is not a compliment – it’s harassment.”
“Also – seriously consider the sort of person your BF is if he’s okay with silently sitting there while his brother harasses women.” – Zestyclose_Meeting_8
“Your boyfriend and his family are showing you the kind of behaviour he and they find acceptable.”
“If you’re planning to one day have kids, these are the behaviours they will teach them. Up to you to decide if that’s what you want long term or not.” – dude_wheres_the_pie
“NTA but it looks like your BF is ok with this behaviour, and you gotta ask yourself if you want a BF that is more angry with you than his brother for acting like that.” – divinateofshadows
“NTA – if his family honestly believe he did nothing wrong, and don’t say to him that his getting dumped on the side of the road is a consequence for his action… then dump the whole family on the side of the road.” – LackVegetable
“That’s how your boyfriend and the rest of his family behave in private. Practically a guarantee from their reaction and defensiveness. You are young, intelligent, and can do much better.” – Jessg3985
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a potential update in the comments.
“I’m leaning towards ending things.. He seemed more upset that i ’caused family drama’ instead of being upset at his brother for embarrassing me.”
“We’ve been together for 4 years (I was 18 and he was 21), but the older I get, the more I feel like he’s not what I want in a partner.”
The subReddit was all for the OP standing up for what can happen in her personal spaces, including her car, even if her boyfriend’s family couldn’t appreciate it.
Growing up can make us question our priorities and how we can do better, and unfortunately, it sounded like the OP was ready to do that work, even if her boyfriend’s family wasn’t.