Even though we're at the end of 2021, many of us are still struggling with moments of sexual harassment in our day-to-day lives, like catcalling on the street.
The best thing we can do is stand up for each other when these moments happen, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor d0vahkiit went so far as to kick her boyfriend's brother out of her car after he behaved inappropriately in her car.
But after seeing her boyfriend's reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was too harsh.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for leaving my boyfriend's brother on the side of the road?"
The OP offered to give her boyfriend's brother a ride.
"Not long ago, I (21 [Female]) was in the car with my boyfriend (25 [Male]) who I'll call 'Rick' and his older brother (27 [Male]) who I'll call 'Jay.'"
"I was the one driving and owner of the car. Rick was sitting in the passenger seat next to me, and Jay was in the back."
"I had agreed to give Jay a ride somewhere since he has no car or license, and Rick had tagged along."
The brother started making comments from the backseat.
"Everything was going fine until I drove up to a red light."
"We're sitting there when Jay noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk, who he proceeded to start catcalling."
"He was yelling things like, 'Hey sexy, nice a**, come over here,' etc, and whistling at her."
"This immediately made me annoyed, since I can't stand when guys talk to me or other women this way. It's degrading and was obviously making the woman feel uncomfortable."
"So I told Jay I wasn't going to have catcalling happening from my car. Either he could stop right away or get out and find another ride."
"He started arguing that he was allowed to say what he wants and women like to be complimented anyway."
The OP heard enough.
"We went back and forth for a little bit when finally I just pulled over and told him to get out of the car."
"I said that since he wanted to harass someone so badly, then he could do it from the sidewalk but not my back seat."
"Then I drove off. I didn't just leave him stranded, as he had a phone and money."
The OP's boyfriend was not pleased.
"But Rick was upset, saying I went too far and that kicking him out of the car was petty."
"He didn't really talk to me the rest of the drive home."
"Jay is still angry and hasn't talked to me since, and he's telling his family about what a jerk I am for ditching him."
"Most of them have taken his side and say I am in the wrong for overreacting, but I don't think so."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP undoubtedly did the right thing.
"NTA. If more of these jerks were brought up short every time they did this sort of thing, maybe they'd learn to be more civil. Also, you gave him an opportunity to stop, and he didn't."
"It was your car and you were giving him a ride as a favor, and he took it upon himself to act like a total tool? And he tried to 'explain' how women felt about catcalled? Gross."
"Good for you, OP. Keep polishing that nice, shiny spine!" - Arbor_Arabicae
"NTA."
"1. It's not hard to be a decent human being, and his mansplaination of what women like is obnoxious."
"2. Even if he hadn't done he above (which he did), it's your car, your rules." - QuiestestDesperations
"NTA"
"He could've just... stopped. Like it would've been so simple to just NOT scream harassment out the window. But somehow he thinks you're petty?" - personofpaper
"Absolutely NTA, catcalling is deplorable and by letting it happen you're facilitating it. Kicking him out sets a clear message on where you stand and allows Jay a hard learned lesson." - CustomerComfortable3
"NTA. You were doing someone a favor."
"They did something offensive in your car, refused to stop, and had the nerve to argue with you, stating he is entitled to behave that way."
"In short, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your bf and his family aren't any better." - holisarcasm
Others agreed and cautioned the OP to take a hard look at her relationship.
"NTA."
"Catcalling is not a compliment - it's harassment."
"Also - seriously consider the sort of person your BF is if he's okay with silently sitting there while his brother harasses women." - Zestyclose_Meeting_8
"Your boyfriend and his family are showing you the kind of behaviour he and they find acceptable."
"If you're planning to one day have kids, these are the behaviours they will teach them. Up to you to decide if that's what you want long term or not." - dude_wheres_the_pie
"NTA but it looks like your BF is ok with this behaviour, and you gotta ask yourself if you want a BF that is more angry with you than his brother for acting like that." - divinateofshadows
"NTA - if his family honestly believe he did nothing wrong, and don't say to him that his getting dumped on the side of the road is a consequence for his action... then dump the whole family on the side of the road." - LackVegetable
"That's how your boyfriend and the rest of his family behave in private. Practically a guarantee from their reaction and defensiveness. You are young, intelligent, and can do much better." - Jessg3985
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a potential update in the comments.
"I'm leaning towards ending things.. He seemed more upset that i 'caused family drama' instead of being upset at his brother for embarrassing me."
"We've been together for 4 years (I was 18 and he was 21), but the older I get, the more I feel like he's not what I want in a partner."
The subReddit was all for the OP standing up for what can happen in her personal spaces, including her car, even if her boyfriend's family couldn't appreciate it.
Growing up can make us question our priorities and how we can do better, and unfortunately, it sounded like the OP was ready to do that work, even if her boyfriend's family wasn't.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.