Even though we're at the end of 2021, many of us are still struggling with moments of sexual harassment in our day-to-day lives, like catcalling on the street.
The best thing we can do is stand up for each other when these moments happen, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor d0vahkiit went so far as to kick her boyfriend's brother out of her car after he behaved inappropriately in her car.
But after seeing her boyfriend's reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was too harsh.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for leaving my boyfriend's brother on the side of the road?"
The OP offered to give her boyfriend's brother a ride.
"Not long ago, I (21 [Female]) was in the car with my boyfriend (25 [Male]) who I'll call 'Rick' and his older brother (27 [Male]) who I'll call 'Jay.'"
"I was the one driving and owner of the car. Rick was sitting in the passenger seat next to me, and Jay was in the back."
"I had agreed to give Jay a ride somewhere since he has no car or license, and Rick had tagged along."
The brother started making comments from the backseat.
"Everything was going fine until I drove up to a red light."
"We're sitting there when Jay noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk, who he proceeded to start catcalling."
"He was yelling things like, 'Hey sexy, nice a**, come over here,' etc, and whistling at her."
"This immediately made me annoyed, since I can't stand when guys talk to me or other women this way. It's degrading and was obviously making the woman feel uncomfortable."
"So I told Jay I wasn't going to have catcalling happening from my car. Either he could stop right away or get out and find another ride."
"He started arguing that he was allowed to say what he wants and women like to be complimented anyway."
The OP heard enough.
"We went back and forth for a little bit when finally I just pulled over and told him to get out of the car."
"I said that since he wanted to harass someone so badly, then he could do it from the sidewalk but not my back seat."
"Then I drove off. I didn't just leave him stranded, as he had a phone and money."
The OP's boyfriend was not pleased.
"But Rick was upset, saying I went too far and that kicking him out of the car was petty."
"He didn't really talk to me the rest of the drive home."
"Jay is still angry and hasn't talked to me since, and he's telling his family about what a jerk I am for ditching him."
"Most of them have taken his side and say I am in the wrong for overreacting, but I don't think so."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP undoubtedly did the right thing.
"NTA. If more of these jerks were brought up short every time they did this sort of thing, maybe they'd learn to be more civil. Also, you gave him an opportunity to stop, and he didn't."
"It was your car and you were giving him a ride as a favor, and he took it upon himself to act like a total tool? And he tried to 'explain' how women felt about catcalled? Gross."
"Good for you, OP. Keep polishing that nice, shiny spine!" - Arbor_Arabicae
"NTA."
"1. It's not hard to be a decent human being, and his mansplaination of what women like is obnoxious."
"2. Even if he hadn't done he above (which he did), it's your car, your rules." - QuiestestDesperations
"NTA"
"He could've just... stopped. Like it would've been so simple to just NOT scream harassment out the window. But somehow he thinks you're petty?" - personofpaper
"Absolutely NTA, catcalling is deplorable and by letting it happen you're facilitating it. Kicking him out sets a clear message on where you stand and allows Jay a hard learned lesson." - CustomerComfortable3
"NTA. You were doing someone a favor."
"They did something offensive in your car, refused to stop, and had the nerve to argue with you, stating he is entitled to behave that way."
"In short, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your bf and his family aren't any better." - holisarcasm
Others agreed and cautioned the OP to take a hard look at her relationship.
"NTA."
"Catcalling is not a compliment - it's harassment."
"Also - seriously consider the sort of person your BF is if he's okay with silently sitting there while his brother harasses women." - Zestyclose_Meeting_8
"Your boyfriend and his family are showing you the kind of behaviour he and they find acceptable."
"If you're planning to one day have kids, these are the behaviours they will teach them. Up to you to decide if that's what you want long term or not." - dude_wheres_the_pie
"NTA but it looks like your BF is ok with this behaviour, and you gotta ask yourself if you want a BF that is more angry with you than his brother for acting like that." - divinateofshadows
"NTA - if his family honestly believe he did nothing wrong, and don't say to him that his getting dumped on the side of the road is a consequence for his action... then dump the whole family on the side of the road." - LackVegetable
"That's how your boyfriend and the rest of his family behave in private. Practically a guarantee from their reaction and defensiveness. You are young, intelligent, and can do much better." - Jessg3985
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a potential update in the comments.
"I'm leaning towards ending things.. He seemed more upset that i 'caused family drama' instead of being upset at his brother for embarrassing me."
"We've been together for 4 years (I was 18 and he was 21), but the older I get, the more I feel like he's not what I want in a partner."
The subReddit was all for the OP standing up for what can happen in her personal spaces, including her car, even if her boyfriend's family couldn't appreciate it.
Growing up can make us question our priorities and how we can do better, and unfortunately, it sounded like the OP was ready to do that work, even if her boyfriend's family wasn't.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.