Redditor AdDismal9445 is a 19-year-old male named Sebastian who grew up with parents who had a specific rule about how to refer to each other in the family.
All that changed when his little brother was born six years ago.
When he recently upset his father for challenging the rule, he visited the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for going against the family rule of 'no nicknames'?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"If you ask me why we have that rule, I can't answer you, my parents never gave a nickname while growing up, never gave me an endearment way of saying my name and neither called me 'son'."
"I was always 'Sebastian' [my name], they also never called each other 'love/darling' anything. Only by names."
"When I was 6 they told me I had to stop calling them 'mommy/daddy' and I had to call them 'mom/dad' or by their names."
"My parents had a surprise baby 6 years ago, my little brother Pietro. I don't have the words to explain how much I love that child, I find him the prettiest baby in the world and I try to show him love in ways I know our parents never will."
"Since he's still a small child, they let me call him whatever I want but said that I had to stop once he turns 6, well since his name is 'Pietro' I call him 'Pea', this started as 'sweet pea', first it was 'Pi[etro] sweet pea', then 'Pietro Pea', 'Sweet Peatro' until it landed on just 'Pea'."
"He actually loves it, even says his name is 'Pea Pietro' when introducing himself, I guess because it's the only real nickname in our family, once he turned 6, my dad said no more, but I said f'k it since I don't live at their place and continued to called my brother Pea."
"I only use his real name when I need him to get serious."
"Well, my dad called me a few days ago and said that Pea is refusing to come when they call him because he wants to be called 'Pea' at home too, he says he likes it, and he doesn't understand why our parents refuse to call him something he loves."
"I talked to him, because it was never my intention to get Pea to act out, he kinda got it, but he's a kid and got sad. Our mom ended up agreeing and calls him Pea now, I guess she's tired of that sh*t too. But not my dad."
"He completely refuses and blames me for 'causing this mess'. He said that if I had stopped when they asked me to, Pea wouldn't be like this, but man, it's just a kid, chill out."
"My mom says that for her the matter is settled but I should talk to Pea again and explain him how names are a big deal to our dad and he should at least listen to him when he calls him Pietro."
"For my dad I'm a complete and total AH so I had to ask."
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors saw nothing wrong with the OP going against the family rule.
"NTA."
"What a weird flex of parental power." - bunnyball88
"Exactly this. Why would you mis use your parental power for something so stupid as a NN. I personally think OP's parents enjoy their parental powers a little too much by misusing it for unnecessary things. Parental powers should be used to for example set a curfew or something, not sh*t like this." – RedRoseSapphire
"NTA"
"If the kid wants a nickname let him have it."
"I also have one for your dad. It's part of the name of this sub. You have three guesses and the first two don't count." – Velocityg4
"NTA. It's not up to you, your father or your mother; it's up to Pea." – Hegemonic_Smegma
"Pietro is such an adorable name by itself, I love it and it just exudes this kind of cuteness, he's going to be a handsome young man and with a brother like you you'll be two peas in a pod!"
"Let Dad be a grump, having personal qualms is okay until it gets forced on others. I'd definitely still respect Dad not wanting to use a nickname but yeah, the rule for everyone has got to go and Dad can just accept that he'll be left out of the fun."
"NTA, i call my brother Andrew Drew Drew to this day and we're almost in our thirties." – PrincessofSharks
"Honestly I'm always using shortened names for everyone."
"My youngest I even managed to make a song up for him. His name is Dominic but we shorten it to Dom."
"So it's 'Dim dam dommy dommy dommy dommy dim dam dim dam doooo, stinks of poooo' which as a 6 year old he finds hilarious because poo is funny ofc."
"My neice has out of control hair exactly like mine. It's curly and has a mind of its own. My sister used to call me cousin It when we were kids. I call my niece swamp rat but only me and my husband are allowed to call her that according to her."
"My sister had a wee baby so her nickname is swamp mouse as she's a smaller version 🤣"
"Literally no one cares and the kids all love it. My Grandma will not use our shortened names because she likes our full names. But she always calls us 'sweetheart' or 'beauty.'"
"Or in the case of my youngest who's a complete suck up to his Great Grandma 'my little lamb' cue everyone's eye roll because hes far from a little lamb. At times I'm certain he's some sort of hell spawn with a cute smile."
"NTA the dad in the OP has issues." – Saysaywhat91
"Why respect the dad for this frankly weird and nonsensical rule? Wild stab in the dark, but I'm guessing the dad may have had a nickname at school or home which upset him, and he's taking it out on his own family."
"Op, do you have uncles/aunts/grandparents on your dad's side that you can ask? But again, no respect for making his children upset over something so petty." – Fattydog
"Your dad is a controlling AH. My mom gave me a name that only really has one possible nickname, Laurie, and she hated the nickname Laurie, so I have never gone by it. However, there was a older couple who lived near my grandparents when I was little, and they doted on me as they didn't have their own grandchild."
"They were like second grandparents to me when I was very small. They called me Laurie, and I told my mom I didn't like it, and I know she hated the name Laurie, too. BUT, she told me, 'Bob and Sandra are older people and they don't have a little grandchild of their own, and they're so nice to you and let you play in their home and give you cookies and treats. It would be really kind, polite, and generous if you let them call you Laurie, because they love you very much and do a lot of very kind things for you.'"
"My mom understood that you can't always control what people will call your kids, or what they'll call themselves, and that a nickname isn't a hill to die on - and she taught me that, too." – boudicas_shield
"NTA. This is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. You gotta find out why!"
"My grandma named all her kids what she wanted to call them, like my Aunt Becky is not Rebecca, and my uncle Bill is not William. But she's okay if people say 'Beck.' Strange." – Cautious-Damage7575
"NTA but it sounds like maybe your dad has some sort of past trauma regarding nicknames. That sucks... but he should be working on dealing with that and processing it if that's the case, not forcing everyone in his life to live by the rules of his traumas."
"At the very least he should explain to you all why and not just say 'because it's important to me' as if the nickname isn't important to you and your brother." – Sirealism55
"NTA. Kids, you and Pea, have an innate skill of honing in on what feels like the pettiest, most futile hill your parents want to die on and going against their wishes and as parents, they have to, they must, learn to respect you as individuals with your own preferences and give up silly grievances like this."
"There is nothing wrong with having pet names for your siblings. I am about 20 years older than you and my brother still calls me a pet name and I still use two for him."
"My kid hates frills. I am not inclined to wrap her in ruffles and lace either but if there is a rosette or a bow or a little gathering of fabric? Hard pass from her. Her favorite print is camo 🤣" – wildferalfun
Overall, Redditors supported the OP's using the nickname out of affection for his kid brother, and they continued criticizing his dad for being such a stickler for his specific family rule.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.