When a family member needs moderate financial aid, most people would be willing to help out where they can.
But one guy who took issue with how his wife was helping her sister supplement her income during a challenging time really rubbed him the wrong way.
Drama ensued when he confronted the issue, and in the aftermath, he sought the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, the anonymous Redditor asked:
“AITA for telling her to stop spending $45 on burgers weekly?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My (M[ale] 42) SIL (33) recently started selling burgers on Saturdays.”
“She works a 9-5 Mon-Fri office job with a good salary, but she recently discovered she is pregnant with her ex’s baby, he is no longer in the picture, so she is selling burgers for extra income.”
“Now, every Saturday my wife (40) buys burgers for our family (3 kids, 12, 10 and 8). My issue is that my SIL sells every burger for $9. So 5 burgers is $45.”
“The burgers are tasty, don’t get me wrong, but she is using my MIL recipe, that my wife also knows, so I don’t see why we should spend $45 weekly on burgers when my wife can make identical ones at home and we would spend less money on ingredients.”
The OP continued:
“To be clear, technically we can afford SIL’s burger comfortably, I just don’t see why we should when there are cheaper options.”
“I tried to talk about it with my wife, and she said she mostly buys because she wants to support her sister. I told her it’s not our job to support her sister, beside as I said the burgers are tasty and every weekend they are sold out in a couple of hours, so I don’t think losing our 5 burgers would put a dent in her business.”
“Yesterday I told my wife again we shouldn’t buy burgers, and she asked me why I cared if she was buying them from her money, not our money (we have each an account, and one joint account).”
“I told her it’s not about that, I just don’t think it’s sensible to spend $45 every weekend on burgers when she already knows the recipe.”
A unilateral decision was made.
“She said she will be spending $36 then, because she won’t be buying mine anymore if it bothered me so much.”
“That’s exactly what she did; she bought burgers for our kids and her and didn’t buy one for me, which was okay, I got a big Mac for cheaper. So I thought we were okay, but she has been acting as if she is mad at me since yesterday.”
“I fail to see why she is mad, AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors judged “You’re the a**hole” (YTA) here.
“YTA.”
“I was going to say NTA until I got to the part where you say that you guys have separate accounts and a joint account, and she is buying the burgers from her own money.”
” ‘We’ aren’t buying the burgers. She is. From her separate money. Does she micromanage how you spend your money? What if she instead just gave her sister $45 a week from her own money, in exchange for no burgers, what business is that of yours?” – HudsonsBlink
“Call me a dick but even if it’s a joint account the fact that OP said they can comfortably afford them and that they have no pre-existing beef with the SIL… Then just buy them man.”
“It’s a sweet thing to do, wife doesn’t need to cook or clean up and you can help out SIL without it seeming like charity like damn.” –JeansInMyKidneys
“There’s just a lot of people in the world, sadly, who are just ‘me, me, me.’ ” They don’t comprehend that you are actually supposed to care about people outside of your nuclear family.”
“Just because you move out of your parents’ house and get married, that doesn’t mean that your parents, grandparents, siblings, etc just become completely unimportant NPCs in life. OP’s one of those people.” – IronclayFarm
“The part that got me is ‘it’s not our job to support her’. That’s EXACTLY what family is for. The woman hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“They can afford it. It’s out of the wife’s account. The second my husband says that to me is the second he’s out the door. I’d do the same for his sister too. Family takes care of family. He’s a huge AH.” – LJ_in_NY
“Yes! He wasn’t offering to cook, he just thought she could. What an A-hole!!! Self serving mofo. Just another dude who thinks his opinion is the only one that counts and that women exist to serve his needs.”
“And god forbid she ever has a negative reaction or gets grumpy with him- I mean, why does she get to have any emotions at all. Poor him, why oh why is his help causing him so much trouble. YTA!!!!” – Sokotokodo
“i’d say community takes care of community. she didn’t ask for a handout. she got a side hustle to support her children. ppl can’t have it both ways. ANYONE can become a single mom!”
“it’s not always poor choices. Sometimes it’s untimely death. Most ppl are just a paycheck away from being on the street. it’s hard out here and she’s found a way to supplement her income without just asking for money.”
“OP you and ppl like you are jerks!” – No_Ordinary944
“I feel like there’s no better way to support family than supporting their business. SIL isn’t asking for handouts. A good burger for $9 or a sh**ty $6 burger from McDonald’s? I’ll pay the extra money for something that doesn’t give me a raging stomachache.” – TranslatorWaste7011
“Seems like he doesn’t even care much about his nuclear family. His wife wants to buy them. His wife benefits from not having to cook (I don’t see anywhere where he is offering to cook instead). He doesn’t give a sh*t what his wife wants.” – not-a-creative-id
“OP also misses the point when his wife says they are supporting her sister, she doesn’t mean financially, she means emotionally supporting her and believing in her and her product. It’s not about the money, it’s about the community. He doesn’t get it so yeah he is TA.” – Sheepherdernerder
“I love the bit where he bought a big Mac anyway because he does actually want a burger, and feels like he’s proved some sort of point by doing so.”
“His preferred option: wife makes burgers for ‘free’ (as you say this is effort for the wife). No effort from OP and he thinks it’s ‘cheap’ to make fancy burgers from scratch with no economy of scale.”
“His option two: buy a sh**ty big mac for himself because it’s cheaper. OP make your own damn burger at home, it’s so cheap!”
“His absolute no go option: the SIL who makes tasty burgers and needs a little support.” – SorbertNo7877
“This! Just because she knows how to make them doesn’t mean she wants to cook them and clean up after, because I’m willing to bet OP doesn’t help with either part.”
“But also, I’d personally much rather spend more money supporting someone I care about in an endeavor they are working hard at when I can afford it rather than get cheaper, nastier food for less just because I could.” – Dapper_Highlighter7
“Well, if it is going from the joint account, OP would’ve had some say or at least the right to question purchases which he isn’t sure about. For example if wife is spending $200 a month on outside food they don’t need, it is worth discussing it.”
“Would the money from their joint account be better invested in their retirement or kids education? Would it be more fun if they could try a different cuisine/restaurant every week if that’s their weekly takeout budget? Etc.”
“But OP is definitely the AH (YTA!!) when it is coming from her money after all bills and stuff is taken care of. He is being a total ass here.” – poochonmom
“To me, this was never in N T A territory, 100% TA through the entire thing. So WHAT if it’s cheaper to make at home?! She’s supporting her sister who is trying to step up during a tough time and his wife just wants to be there for her. And last time I checked, which was just now, a Big Mac is $7? So SIL charging only $9 for what I GUARANTEE is a MUCH better burger sounds like a steal.”
“If you didn’t get it OP, YTA x1000 and your wife and SIL both sound awesome.” – Keni-b2211
“YTA. I’m a pretty ok cook. I make something we call Fopotle. It’s just as good (spouse says better but Idk about that) as Chipotle. It’s generally cheaper too.”
“But you know what sometimes I want the damn thing without the work. It’s hot there’s lots of moving parts and I just want something delicious without all the dishes and counter wiping and children interrupting. So we get chipotle.”
“Its not straining your finances.”
“It’s not your money.”
“You have not offered to do the work yourself, as far as I can tell.”
“and rather going to some evil multi billion dollar corporation the money goes to your sister in law who needs it.”
“I genuinely do not see how you can have a problem with it other than just wanting to argue.” – Level-Researcher5432
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was TA here and missed the point about supporting a family member in need.
They also said they would have helped contribute to the cause if they were in the OP’s position because they believed that was the right thing to do.