Giving people advice is never an easy thing to do.
It’s a fine, fragile line to walk.
It’s especially difficult when it’s relationship advice.
The heart wants what it wants.
Be careful about getting in the way.
Case in point…
Redditor Ok-Key7943 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for yelling at my friend and ‘discouraging’ him dating?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll try to make this short.”
“My friend and I are in our mid twenties.”
“I don’t want to get too specific so I’ll just say he is a salesman of sorts.”
“He was telling me about how a customer came into his work and they made small talk about how she had an extremely busy week.”
“He proudly told me how he took this as an opportunity to spit some game.”
“By that, he asked if she would like an even busier week.”
“By freaking offering to buy her dinner at a restaurant of her choosing.”
“Apparently she laughed and didn’t know what to say but my friend sorta forced a number exchange.”
“He was telling me how he texted her and she stopped responding so he doesn’t know how to react.”
“I said dude don’t f**king say anything.”
“I told him that what he did is most likely a fir-able offense.”
“I told him the most likely scenario is she was creeped out and won’t ever be back in the store.”
“Second scenario is she comes back in and tells another employee how her cashier last time tried to ask her out.”
“Depending on how that goes he can get fired.”
“I’m not exactly number one feminist but I would assume most women want to run errands without being hit on.”
“I just told him what he did was super creepy.”
“Again, this was a complete stranger just walking into the store and after a 30 second convo he asked to take her out.”
“Now he’s being weird with me because I’m not ‘being supportive’ and I’m ‘discouraging’ him from putting himself out there.”
“I will add that he doesn’t do too well with the ladies and it’s probably been ages since he had a date go well.”
“So I do feel bad but at the same time I’m trying to lookout for him because I think he’s being very stupid.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You are being incredibly supportive in telling him to not be THAT GUY.”
“Also by supporting all women everywhere who just want to exist without being harassed.” ~ Punkrockpm
“If he doesn’t wanna be THAT GUY, he needs to stop being THAT GUY.”
“And… you know what makes a partner a great catch?”
“Respect, compassion, treating a woman well, stepping up with housework, you know, all the things women have been saying… forever.” ~ Punkrockpm
“Look, if I had a friend who wanted to take up fishing and decided to start at the community swimming pool.”
“I would be a decent friend by saying ‘Hey, this is a chlorinated pool, there are no fish here, go try somewhere else’ instead of letting him sit there getting nothing done until the lifeguards made him leave.”
“There are no fish in the swimming pool of his work – and you are being a good friend by telling him not to chase dead ends.”
“If he wants a date he needs to look somewhere where the women are looking back.”
“Women are extremely jaded about being approached while just tying to live their lives – you can’t corner a girl into dating you.”
“He needs to go try a pond or a lake (singles night, dating apps).” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“NTA. Even putting aside the work thing (which you’re right about), she stopped responding, so he just needs to let it go.”
“Thanks for attempting to teach this guy some manners.” ~ Rubly
“NTA, I wouldn’t say that one could never strike up a conversation with potentially romantic implications in the context of a commercial transaction.”
“But your friend sounds like he really forced it when she was giving off vibes of not being interested.”
“Also, his game doesn’t even sound any good.”
“He sounds like he has a lot more to work on before he’s somewhat datable.”
“As a guy who spent a lot of time being single, the key to success with women is to not take it all so seriously.”
“If you get bent out of shape about every interaction and take every rejection as a definitive referendum on your entire personality you will psyche yourself out, miss real opportunities, and won’t take enough shots for genuine and lasting success (however you define that).”
“It sounds like your friend is doing exactly that.”
“Trying to force something that just isn’t there is dumb and also creepy.” ~ Different-Sign6050
“Guys like the OP’s friend aren’t good at picking up vibes or the lack thereof, but even when they are, asking out a customer who’s never seen you until 20 seconds ago is a bad idea.”
“Asking out a customer, period, is a bad idea, one that could easily get him fired at most retailers.”
“And essentially forcing her to give him her number is way over the line.”
“That’s not to say that your advice about not taking rejection seriously isn’t good.”
“It definitely is… for someone who CAN read reactions and is trying to meet women outside of work.”
“This guy’s problem isn’t rejection; it’s total cluelessness.”
“He doesn’t know when, where, or how to ‘put himself out there.'”
“And from the way he’s reacted to the OP’s advice, I’d say he’s not good at reading reactions, period.” ~ bambina821
“NTA I once had a pizza guy call me off the phone number he stole from my order.”
“I was extremely pissed seeing how I was in my then b[oy]f[riend]’s house at the time and it is extremely creepy.”
“Not sure what number rule this should be but do not hit on woman if you’re at work or they’re at work.” ~ BriefHorror
“NTA… and no they do not unless they have daddy issues I remember as a teenager some family friends owned a gaming store.”
“So I would hangout there after school and swim practice and there was a regular group that hung out there (mixed with both males and females) but I was probably one of the younger ones there.”
“And guys would come in see me and start hitting me (not all the time but quite often) and normally I could just say no and that I’m 15/16/17 depending on the year and they’d be cool about it and apologize if they made me feel uncomfortable.”
“One time this guy who was most likely in his 40s in front of a group of 6 or 7 of us kept asking me to go to the movies with him and I politely declined and he would not let it go.”
“Even the others in the group were like she said no and she’s 17 and that he needed to stop and walk away but still would not get the hint.”
“Finally one of my friends asked me to go to the back room and grab something for them.”
“And while I was gone apparently they explained in no uncertain terms that he needed to leave me alone and that it didn’t matter how much he spent in the store (he was a regular too and would drop a ton of money there each month) that he was no longer welcome in the store.”
“I was so very very creeped out and scared since he was bigger than me and would not leave me alone, lucky I had friends there who protected me.”
“Your friend needs to learn who, where, and when it is appropriate to flirt with someone before he does it to the wrong person and ends up arrested or having the teenage girls brother or dad beat the crap out of him.” ~ jenna_ducks
“NTA. Set aside the bit about him possibly (fairly) facing professional consequences for this horses**t, you gave him legitimately solid advice – she’s ghosting him, and not taking the hint is at best embarrassing.”
“At worst, it will lock in the potential consequences he might face from unprofessionally hitting on this woman while on the job.” ~ tomksfw
“NTA – When looking out for your friend, the very first thing you need to do is get him to stop talking about ‘spitting game’ or any of the other garbage he’s picked up over the years.” ~ Last-Possible-3960
“NTA. She’s there for business, not dating. In a sense, since his work had something she wanted, he essentially had her hostage and took advantage of it to push an unwanted personal connection on her.”
“That’s unethical and yes, creepy.”
“When someone you’re interested in stops communicating, you react by accepting that they don’t share the interest in you that you have for them and move on.”
“That’s how you react.”
“You don’t send more messages, you don’t apologize, you don’t ask what went wrong.”
“You respect their choice, even if you don’t like how they chose to execute it.”
“Tell him you support him dating and that is why you are giving him tips so he doesn’t get in trouble and you’re only discouraging him from taking advantage of women by hitting on them when they are in front of him for customer reasons and risking his job.”
“Tell him you’re happy to be a wingman, but only an ethical one and you don’t want him getting a bad reputation.” ~ Curious-One4595
Well OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.
You’re trying to be helpful.
Maybe one day your bud will look back and agree.