"Sex work is work" is a saying that is becoming increasingly common to see and hear in the digital age when people are finding safe ways to make money online, such as OnlyFans.
But such endeavors require a camera of some kind and a place to take photos or film content.
So what happens when an online sex worker is a houseguest?
A Redditor with a houseguest who wanted to use their home as a studio during the day turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback. Similar to AITA, this subReddit allows a broader range of topics and asking for advice. It doesn't include official voting acronyms or a final judgment.
Butterbean6057 asked:
"AITAH for telling my best friend she can't do her adult content at my house?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My best friend was recently kicked out of where she was living and asked if she could stay with me in this emergency situation as she had nowhere else to go right now."
"I instantly said yes. We moved all her furniture and bigger things into a storage unit, and she brought a few suitcases to my place."
"I'll be honest, at the time, I really wasn't thinking about her work situation. I knew her job was OnlyFans; that's what she did for a living; that's how she made her money, and I've never judged her for it."
"However, the following day, after the evening she moved in, I took my daughter to school and came home to do my own work (I work from home). She wandered into my kitchen at like noon and told me she had some videos she needed to make."
"I instantly knew what she meant by that, and I said, 'Well... I mean... Are you going to be quiet during these videos?' She laughed and said, 'No, but you're my best friend so I don't mind if you hear me'."
"To which I responded with, 'I mind if I hear you. I'm not gonna lie; I don't feel comfortable with you making those videos in my house. You can take your pics and stuff though, granted you don't do it while my daughter is home'."
"She got a little snippy and upset with me and told me that making custom request videos was how she made the majority of her money, and she had a bunch of requests that she needed to do."
"I told her again that I didn't feel comfortable with that specifically. She told me to wear headphones."
"I said, 'I DO wear headphones because I have pretty much constant work calls through my day, and I can't have you moaning and screaming in the background'."
"I ended up saying, 'If you can be QUIET, then you can film while I'm here working, and again, as long as you're not doing it when my daughter is home'."
"She told me she won't be able to be quiet because that's not what they (her clients) want. So I told her, 'I'm sorry, girl, no. I can't have that.'"
"She's now a little pissed off at me because I'm basically stopping her from making decent coin while she'll be staying with me until she finds a new place and she has nowhere else to go to do it."
"I feel bad, but I think my feelings and reasons are justified."
"AITAH?"
The OP later added:
"Just to answer the majority who have mentioned she got a hotel room, she claims a hotel would kick her out and that she really didn't think I would care about her doing it here as long as she didn't do it when my child is here."
"I genuinely thought because she does make decent money from it and had money in the bank, she just wouldn't do it in the short term time that she'll be here at my place. She is actively looking for a new place to rent. She's not going to be here long term."
"It was just an emergency situation, and she knew I had a spare room in my house she could stay in, so I said yes because she's a very good, close friend of mine."
"I'd like to point out that outside of her OnlyFans content, she dresses modestly and doesn't act like a whore'. So I don't mind her being around my child."
"She's known my daughter since I had her 7 years ago. My daughter is not exposed to anything inappropriate around her. Just wanted to mention that."
"Another point to mention, this isn't a case of her bringing people here to f*ck them!"
"She's just making videos for them, but those videos include a variety of things where she will obviously not be quiet. And I just don't wanna have to hear it, to be honest, especially not while I'm on work calls!"
"Also, the reason she was kicked out of her last place was actually nothing to do with her sex work, but it's also not relevant to my post, so I won't be discussing it here."
Some Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was justified in their response (NTA).
"NTA, she needed help, and you are helping her. She's disrespecting your house rules. If she makes so much 'coin' doing it, she can easily get a hotel room." ~ bitty20
"Exactly! Helping her out doesn't mean she gets to ignore boundaries. If she's making good money, she should be able to figure out a solution that doesn't involve disrupting your home life." ~ MusicianEmpty2012
"Bingo. OP NTA! OP, it's your home. Not your friend's."
"In my opinion, if she can't abide by your rules, especially with the fact you have a daughter that you have rules, boundaries, and a standard to teach and hold up for her, she can hit the road with all of her belongings."
"Call her an UBER to the nearest hotel/motel and let her make her money there. Maybe she can fund another friendship to kill/destroy." ~ WiseConfidence8818
"She needs to check into a cheap motel and do her content. She can afford it." ~ Zestyclose_General87
"Ummmmmm, she is being snippy with YOU, in YOUR house, about rules around YOU & YOUR CHILD? Sorry, uh, NO!"
"She didn't figure her sh*t out before she assumed you wouldn't mind, again, in YOUR house. Her life choices are not your problem."
"As someone else commented, Airbnb. If that doesn't work, then some motel probably won't mind her screaming while she works."
"I understand that she is your friend, but it looks like you value the friendship more than she does. Otherwise, she wouldn't put you in this situation."
"She needs to go ASAP. Like tomorrow. She's a big girl. She'll figure it out. The ONLY person you owe a damn thing to is your child." ~ Boring-Concept-2058
"She is being snippy because she's not getting her way and trying to manipulate you into letting her do her 'thang' anyway."
"You care because this is in your home/place of work and how you make a living. And, most importantly, where you are raising a child.
"This woman's sense of entitlement while being in your home is astounding!" ~ Specialkendra
"That's the awesome thing about it being your house, you don't need to justify your reasons because it's your house. I don't let people chew gum in my house, if they don't like it they can GTFO, no explanations involved." ~ jackandsally060609
"You take her in, help her out in a dire situation. But she can't show your house and you basic respect? Selfish."
"You know what I've learned through experience, what with always being the non-judgemental kind? Sometimes people are judged for a reason—because they lack values and morals and show aberrant behavior."
"It shouldn't surprise you she doesn't understand your values or boundaries and that she does not care how that makes you feel even after you expressed it."
"I'm sorry she is being such a poor friend to you. She sounds wholly self-absorbed and like she doesn't care about you as you do her."
"She can't even show you basic respect and acts like a petulant child when she can't get her way."
"I'm not surprised, though. You shouldn't be either. Don't give people credit until they earn it." ~ InnerSight3
"You offered her a place to sleep, not an office. It's weird she would even expect that it would be okay. People are out of touch these days." ~ MowEmSayin_
"You care because during the day, your home is your office, and it would be inappropriate to have sexy-type noises in the background of your work calls or even just distracting you—no way should you be 'locked into' wearing headphones 100% of the time during the day."
"This is one for 'Choosing Beggars.'"
"She can find someone who works in an office and borrow their place during the day to shake her money maker." ~ Constant_Host_3212
The OP provided an update:
"She finally listened and booked a hotel room for the night. Just so she can go and get these requests that she has built up DONE."
"She's let her subscribers and clients know that she's not going to be taking requests until she's settled in a new place."
"She's also just told me that she thinks she found a new place to rent. And she's now starting the process of that."
"Problem solved."
Well, it sounds like it's happy endings for everyone.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.