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Woman Furious After Her Husband’s Best Friend Admits He’s Been Secretly In Love With Him For Years

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You can’t control who you’re attracted to. But what you do about it is a choice.

A wife and mother questioned what to do about a family friend after he made some choices about the object of his affection: her husband.

Redditor ThrowRAhubbysprob posted:

“I don’t know how to feel about my husband’s best friend having feelings for him.”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My husband went over to his friend [Steve’s] house on Sunday to have a beer. When he came home he seemed off and like he was stressed.”

“When I asked him what was wrong, he said his friend [Steve] just told him he’s in love with him. I actually thought he was joking around and he insisted he was serious.”

“I saw how bothered he was by this and I asked him how it all came out. So he said they were having a beer and watching TV.”

“Another friend from our group was there but he ended up leaving early so it was just them. His friend said he had something to tell him and he admitted he’s had these secret feelings for him for almost a whole decade.”

“Basically since the beginning of their friendship when it was a small crush at first. And that he always had this secret wish that my husband would have feelings for him too and if there is even a slight chance my husband might want to be with him, he was willing to take that chance no matter what the consequences.”

“His friend said he wants to see where their relationship can go if my husband is interested. Basically saying if my husband wanted to end our 8 year marriage [a couple for 11 years] and destroy our family’s lives to be with him, he’d be absolutely okay with that.”

“My husband said he was taken aback by what he said. Yes we have known that his best friend is bisexual.”

“He told everyone years ago but neither of us ever thought he had feelings for my husband.”

“My husband said he’s very confused now because if he’s harbored these feelings for so long even after we’ve gotten married and had our family then they likely won’t go away for a while, which will make him feel very weird if they interact after this. Obviously he doesn’t have feelings for his friend and he says he feels bad that this could very well change their friendship.”

“I hate to say it but I, at the same time, feel a little insulted. Not about him having romantic feelings for my husband because I know sometimes we have no control over who we fall for, but that he put my husband in a tough spot and also that he would’ve been willing to hurt me if it meant getting to be with my husband.”

“This is someone I considered family and has been in our lives and my kids lives for years. He knows something like this would devastate and hurt us deeply.”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s selfish to feel this way, but I can’t help it. He would be fine with splitting up our family.”

“My husband agrees and he doesn’t know why his friend felt this was the time to tell him when we’ve been married for years and have 2 kids, so obviously he would not have feelings for him.”

“Neither of us know how to proceed with this new information, my husband feels a little uncomfortable and confused with all of this, also sad their friendship won’t be like before.”

Redditors were pretty unanimous in their belief the friendship was damaged beyond repair. 

“That was an extremely selfish and disrespectful thing for his friend to do. Yes we can’t control who we are attracted to, but when you get a crush on a friend and its not mutual you let those feelings go.”

“Holding onto that for a decade is very unhealthy, and then acting on those feelings shows a severe lack of judgment, puts your husband in a terrible situation and is a complete insult to you, his wife.”

“What his friend did was absolutely messed up. He was only thinking of himself, not your husband, not you, not your family.”

“I would recommend a long break from this person in both your lives. And I would be very concerned about how long he’s been stoking the fires of this unrequited love, that is a bit disturbing.” ~ Material_Plum

“People are attracted to friends all the time. It’s natural.”

“But Steve crossed several lines by actively hoping your marriage would fail and your husband would return his feelings.”

“Your husband should be uncomfortable because now he has to second guess every past and future interaction with Steve. You were friends with Steve because you liked him as a person, but can you still say that?”

“Steve basically said his friendship wasn’t genuine—he had ulterior motives. Was he acting on them, even unconsciously? Did he give your husband bad advice? Did he try to sabotage your marriage?”

“I’d never trust him again and I can’t be friends with someone I can’t trust.” ~ LakotaGrl

“Wow how utterly disrespectful of his friend. I totally understand why you are hurt.”

“That is awful that he tried to tear your family apart.”

“I think you should react the exact way you’d react if the friend in question was another woman. Which would probably be to yeet her out of your lives immediately.” ~ Hazy-Hazel

“It is sad to think about but it would be for the best. The friend needs to move on from his feelings for your husband.”

“It’s next to impossible to do that if he remains a constant in your life.”

“And I can understand exactly why you’d be uncomfortable having him continue in your life. He’s just admitted that he wants to break your marriage up and has for a long time.”

“That in itself raises the question about whether his involvement in your lives has been about friendship or if he’s been hanging about waiting for your husband to suddenly ‘see the light’ and choose him over you.”

“For his sake and the sake of your marriage it’s time to let this ‘frenemy’ go.” ~ MadamKitsune

“He said he was willing to take his chance no matter the consequences.”

“Seems pretty clear that he knew that this would ruin the friendship if your husband didn’t reciprocate … so that’s the consequence.” ~ AgentUpright

“Gotta agree here. Being in love with someone secretly can happen, he took a huge gamble revealing that and he lost.”

“He killed a friendship for the small chance of his dreams coming true, it didn’t happen, now he has to accept the consequences.”

“Honestly if I was in his situation, I wouldn’t want to be around a person that I love for such a long time and knowing they will never reciprocate anyway.” ~ OutlandishnessAdept

“Time to end the friendship.” ~ Constant-Commercial9

Less than a day after posting the request for advice, the OP returned with an update:

“I know it’s only been a few hours but I wanted to update on what’s going on as of right now.”

“My husband came home from work earlier and told me that Steve (best friend) had sent him a text in the morning asking If he wanted to grab lunch.”

“According to Steve, he was worried he hadn’t heard from my husband in days and wanted to know if they could meet up. So my husband decided to respond by telling him everything that he’s been feeling.”

“He told Steve what he said on Sunday has been bothering him a lot. My husband said while he can’t imagine what Steve must’ve been feeling all those years keeping that bottled up, he didn’t think it was right to tell him all this now and feels like he disrespected our marriage by suggesting he leaves me and our family to pursue a relationship with him.”

“This was all too much thrown at him and he was confused as to why Steve thought he should tell him when he never gave him any indication that the feelings were mutual.”

“My husband told him he thinks it’s best if they keep a distance for a while until he decides if the friendship is salvageable at this point.”

“No response yet from Steve. We did talk about this some more and my husband admitted he doesn’t think he’ll be comfortable continuing this friendship with him.”

“He will always feel like he has to be careful around Steve and his feelings, and like some of you said, it will keep Steve from being able to properly move on if he’s still in our lives.”

“Nothing is set in stone yet. This is all still fresh and I haven’t even decided if I want to talk to Steve at all about this or keep my distance from him.”

“Everything else my husband told him is exactly how I was feeling so I don’t know what else I can say.”

“My husband seems to have made up his mind about not continuing this friendship even if he admits he feels guilty. We’re still giving it some time.”

“That’s where we’re at right now. Thank you everyone who’s commented so far.”

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.