People make mistakes in relationships.
Either you choose to work through them, or you don’t.
If you do choose to look beyond the flub and work to make things right and perhaps even better, you don’t expect a similar situation to ever present itself.
As it happens, though, it certainly can.
A woman on Reddit knows all too well and took to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors after her husband was told he had to go on a two-week business trip with his former mistress.
Redditor NothingButHot asked:
“AITA for not allowing my husband to go on a business trip with the woman he cheated on me with?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My friends have mixed opinions about this.”
“Here’s our story:”
“Six years ago, my husband cheated on me with a woman who was part of our social circle.”
“I found out about it and wanted to divorce him.”
“My husband made a considerable effort to repair our marriage, and I decided not to go through with the divorce.”
“I can say that since then and until recently, we had a beautiful relationship without major issues.”
“I almost forgot what happened until, in 2023, that woman coincidentally got hired by the same company where my husband works.”
“My husband did not hide this from me.”
“In fact, he seemed bothered by the awkward situation, especially since the company requires employees to declare any past or present relationships with coworkers.”
“He didn’t say anything at work about their past relationship because all his colleagues know us both and know we have been married for 12 years.”
“It would have been a very strange situation.”
“I felt chills down my spine when I heard the news, but I tried not to think too much about it.”
“My husband hasn’t shown any interest in that woman, and our relationship hasn’t changed at all. It’s still a beautiful relationship.”
“Last week, both of them were notified that they have to go on a business trip to Canada.”
“The two of them and another person from the company, but from a branch in another state who doesn’t know either my husband or that woman.”
“This time, no matter how much I want to overlook it, I can’t.”
“The thought of my husband being around this woman again for 14 days drives me crazy.”
“I told him I don’t want to hear about such a thing.”
“That if he goes on this trip, I’ll leave home for good.”
“I know I’m putting him in a difficult situation, especially since he can’t really miss this trip without facing repercussions at work.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I feel guilty but also justified in behaving this way.”
“Am I the ahole in this situation?”
Redditors weighed in and decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA”
“Jesus, why would you even need to ask?” – Ok_Shock9350
“NTA.”
“Your husband’s past infidelity caused a significant breach of trust in your marriage.”
“While you forgave him, it’s understandable that you’re triggered and concerned by the prospect of him spending an extended period alone with the woman he cheated with.”
“It’s important to set boundaries in any relationship, especially after a breach of trust.”
“You have the right to express your discomfort and ask your husband to prioritize your marriage and how you feel.” – MistressNaomiXXXX
“This is so odd, the double-coincidence that she’d join the same company and now there’s a business trip they’d go on together.”
“If it’s a large company, the first coincidence is likely nbd, but the second one is.”
“If it’s a small company, the second one isn’t as unlikely, but certainly the first one is odd.”
“And 14 days? In like, a honeymoon fortnight number of days?”
“I think you need to tell your husband this is a consequence of a thing he did back in the day and he needs to handle it.”
“I’m in your camp, this would have me rattled.”
“He likely needs to start looking for a new job, and it’s his fault.” – ResponsibilityOk2173
“NTA”
“Extremely so.”
‘NO CONTACT with AP is mandatory is reconciliation is to succeed – even after 6 years.”
“And that includes hubby working with AP.. or travelling with her..”
“Sorry, but you and he cannot tell AP what she should do or not.. but hubby needs to find a new job, sorry..”
“And AP… her spouse has no opinion about all this??”
“I assume he was told of the adultery, yes??” – clearheaded01
“You’re not the a**hole.”
“Your feelings are valid, and your husband’s past infidelity understandably makes you apprehensive about this trip.”
“It’s also reasonable to want to protect your marriage and well-being.”
“While your reaction may seem extreme to some, it’s important to communicate your boundaries and concerns to your husband.”
“Open communication is key to finding a solution that respects both of your needs.” – Cutei_bella
“Your husband is a liar and a coward, and it is because of his behavior that you are in the position in the first place.”
“If he goes and you don’t want him to go, you’re at the mercy of your imagination and whatever trust you have left in him to get you through the 2 weeks wondering what the hell he’s doing, and then mostly likely dealing with the aftermath.”
“If he doesn’t go, it puts his career in danger and you’re going to get blamed for being controlling and insecure (not at all saying it’s justified, just what I can imagine people will say when he tries to put the blame on you for “not letting him” attend the work trip because he sounds spineless enough to try to blame you).”
“You’re screwed whatever happens.”
“He needs to deal with this himself and speak to his workplace, like a big boy.”
“I also can’t help but notice that there is no mention of how HE feels about going on a 2-week trip with his ex-AP, only how you feel about it.”
“What’s his position on this?”
“Because at the end of the day, he’s going to be the one deciding between his job or his marriage, if he can’t figure this out on his own and you follow through with the ultimatum.”
“NTA, he has put you in a lose-lose situation and he sucks.” – theworldisonfire8377
Many agreed OP’s husband put himself in a tough situation when he didn’t disclose his previous relationship to human resources.
“NTA – Your husband f**ked up the moment he realized she works with him and decided not to tell HR.”
“I’d draw the same line in the sand re: this trip and I would follow through if he goes on it.”
“Dealbreaker for me.”
“Actually, cheating is the dealbreaker… wanting to go on a work trip with his AP is just beyond f**ked up.”
“He should’ve told HR immediately and started networking for a new job.”
“It’s f**ked up he’s making you live with knowing he’s in close proximity and contact with his AP.”
“F**king gross of him.” – Complete-Design5395
“NTA and you’re not putting him in a difficult situation.”
“He put you in this situation when he cheated.”
“This is a consequence of staying with a cheating partner – you figure but can’t forget.”
“He needs to declare their past relationship to HR (it doesn’t need to be public knowledge) and inform them he can’t go for the sake of his marriage.”
“Remember he caused this so don’t feel bad at all.” – DevotedRed
“If the company requires their employees to disclose past or present relationships with other coworkers, why hasn’t the woman told the company about this previous relationship.”
“Your husband should go to HR and explain he had a previous relationship with this woman and is not comfortable traveling with her.”
“If the company insists he travel on this trip, then he should simply not go and allow the company to fire him (so he can collect unemployment.)” – STUNTPEN*S
“NTA.”
“He needs to come clean at work that he had an affair with her.”
“Yes, it will be embarrassing for him, but those are part of the consequences of having an affair.”
“He’s breaking the rules, and I’m not sure if he could be fired for it.”
“The rule also exists to avoid situations exactly like this.”
“Nope. No contact with an affair partner is a common requirement to stay married.”
“Again, these are the consequences of HIS actions.”
“Get better friends.” – RNGinx3
“NTA he should have mentioned the issue to his superiors and HR, when this woman was hired there.”
“It is his mistake to not do it and clarify he can’t work closelt/alone with her.”
“Wrong decisions and mistakes have their negative consequences.”
“Between infidelity and not ensuring this situation would not arise, even losing his job is a predictable result.” – Gosc101
“NTA, he should have automatically gone to HR when they hired her.”
“It’s his reputation he was worried about and it’s fault it was a problem.”
“Now he has to face the music.”
“She also didn’t go to HR when she found out he worked there.”
“This is going to be a problem for both of them.”
“Your marriage is more important than a job.”
“He needs to deal with the consequences.” – lifehappenedwhatnow
According to her fellow Redditors, OP has no reason to feel guilty for her stance on the situation.
She does, however, have a tough conversation – or a massive shift in her relationship – ahead of her.