Marriage means having a built-in cheerleader for all of life’s victories, right?
Redditor Throwawaywifeged begs to differ.
In fact, their lack of support caused them to take to subReddit “am I the a**hole?” (AITA) to ask:
“AITA for not acting impressed by my wife’s ‘accomplishment?’”
What exactly was the original poster (OP) so unsupportive about?
“My [28-year-old Male] wife [26-year-old Female] and I have been married for close to 7 years.”
“We currently have five kids together- [6-year-old Male, 4-year-old Male, 3-year-old Female], and my wife gave birth to fraternal twins (son and daughter) a year and a half ago.”
“My wife intended to graduate high school the year we got married, but life got in the way.”
“My dad had given me an investor relations type of role at his company, so we were traveling a lot and then after that our kids needed our attentions.”
“After our twins were born, my wife was bedridden for longer than we and even the doctors expected.”
“Since we had to hire extra hands to do the childcare tasks that involved mobility, my wife had some time on her hands.”
“Her mother told her that her friend who proctors at a testing center said that they give GED tests basically every week (at least across the state of Idaho) and that she should dust off her general education knowledge.”
“She started browsing her laptop and decided to enroll in a GED prep class online.”
“It seems she was better at self-paced learning than classroom learning because the stuff they were testing her on came way easier to her now than it did then, even though she’s been away from structured classroom instruction for many years now.”
“Even after she was back on her feet, she’d be studying for it after she dropped the older two off to their respective schools.”
This is where the OP’s true feelings come out.
“I would see what she was studying, and it looked pretty rudimentary, and I knew that getting a GED basically means nothing and that she probably wouldn’t be able to apply it to anything career-wise, or commit full-time to community college, where I doubt the job prospects for students are that great right now either.”
“So my wife ended up taking the test, and the other day she bounded into the room and said ‘Yes! I passed, I passed!’”
“I knew she would since she was doing well on the practice tests, and the GED consistently tests on the same rudimentary topics.”
“I did not gripe at her but merely nodded at her and went back to answering an important email from a client.”
“My wife seemed to get upset, and I asked her what was wrong.”
“She said I didn’t seem that excited, and I said that it’s great that she passed, but I have been telling her that it was easy and no big deal, but if she needed something to prove to herself, she knew the high school concepts, I guess the money was well spent.”
“She got even more upset and said she worked very hard, and this was the essential building block to being able to start a career.”
My wife passed her GED test, but she wasn’t exactly graduating from college and wouldn’t be for at least 15 years. I just didn’t see any immediate applicability to her test, but I am glad she had something to challenge her while she was coming off being unable to fully care for the kids.”
They went on to inquire,
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by voting:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Overwhelmingly, Reddit declared the OP the a**hole.
“YTA. You’re a major AH.”
“Your wife is trying to look after five children and found the time to get her GED. Why don’t you let her go out of town for a week and see how hard it is to look after five small children?”
“Would it have killed you to get up, hug her and tell her how proud you are of her? Maybe take her out to dinner one night to celebrate?”
“Wow. I hope this isn’t indicative of the respect you give her the rest of the time.” – PilotEnvironmental46
“My mom had to give up on college to raise me from when I was a baby. Only when I was a teenager did she finally get to go to college.”
“After she graduated undergrad she didn’t find any jobs in her field and got so discouraged.”
“However, she found a job where she is now flourishing, she’s constantly moving up, she’s known as one of the most trustworthy and solid people in the company, and they task her with sensitive and important jobs because they know her capabilities.”
“The entire time, my dad was her biggest cheerleader, and not a week goes by that he doesn’t gush about how proud he is of her.”
“OP, YTA. You’re a f*cking a**hole if you think your wife’s accomplishments are too little.”
“You guys have SO MANY damn kids! And between raising them and dealing with your bullsh*t, she succeeded in something that she really wanted.”
“Degrees are useful, sure, but even her GED is more than enough to show she is driven to improve her life.”
“With her persevering attitude, she can do so much. Improve with her, or let her find someone who will. Jesus f*cking christ.” – CranberryTaboo
“YTA. Like there needs to be a level above this rating for this post.”
“She feels accomplished because she did something that she put on hold for your lives together. Meanwhile, Daddy handed you a job, and you reek of self-importance.” – BecausePancakess
“YTA”
“‘I have been telling her that it was easy and no big deal, but if she needed something to prove to herself she knew the high school concepts, I guess the money was well spent.’”
“She was excited about something she did, and you said it was ‘easy and no big deal’”.
“It doesn’t matter whether you think it is easy or important. She is proud of it.”
“Try being supportive instead of taking her down.”
“Also, for god’s sake, she has sacrificed a ton for the family. It sounds like she put her personal goals on hold and took a serious blow to her health for the sake of having your guys’ children.”
“Did she want to give up on a career? Why did you two choose to have babies right away instead of waiting for her to finish college?”
“Now she is taking the first steps to start pursuing what she wants to do for herself, and you demean her.”
“‘life got in the way’”
“Your life got in her way. She didn’t need to go traveling with you.”
“She could have stayed and finished her degree back when she was 19.”
“Look, if she freely chose to make those sacrifices, that is fine. But the least you can do is appreciate how far she has gone to support your relationship, and not criticize her for trying to recover some of what she lost.” – SilasRhodes
“Yeah, YTA OP.”
“The math here is making me a little nauseous. Married almost 7 years… Oldest child is 6.”
“So he knocked her up & married her, preventing her from graduating, then kept her pregnant several more times (no wonder her last pregnancy was so hard, even twin complications aside—4 full-term pregnancies in 6-7 years is SO rough… ugh.” – aestheticmixtape
“YTA.”
“You have “important emails” from clients to answer, and your wife having five young children under the age of seven was finally able to get her GED, and you sniff.”
“It’s obvious you see your wife as nothing more than an underling.”
“Keep in mind, dude, you had to get your job from your DADDY.” – ivylass
“YTA. Would it have killed you to show at least a little excitement for her?”
“She gave up her life to grow, birth, and raise YOUR children, and now she’s finally done something for herself.”
“That deserves more than just a nod at her. Jeez, you sound insufferable.”
“‘I knew that getting a GED basically means nothing and that she probably wouldn’t be able to apply it to anything career-wise or commit full time to community college, where I doubt the job prospects for students are that great right now either.’”
“You also clearly lack knowledge yourself. A GED means she can apply to college, which is a lot.”
“It also means her overall job prospects are better because most retail establishments require at least a HS/GED diploma. Which means she can get a job and get away from your sorry a**.”
“Even if she can’t commit to community college full-time right now, that doesn’t mean she can’t go part-time or take online classes.”
“Depending on what field she may want to go into, job prospects can be good. Perhaps you need some education yourself.” – litt3lli0n
“I mean I hate to beat this dead horse but let me just spell it out again, YTA.”
“I’m a vocational counselor in my state. Getting your GED is a big effing deal for future employment prospects.”
“It’s impressive she studied and worked for it in her limited time with so much childcare and in a self-learning format, too (a lot of my clients struggle with this).”
“It also sounds like it gave her a big confidence boost. Why are you belittling her accomplishment? Do you actually like your wife?” – manaliabrid
The verdict is in OP. You are definitely the a**hole.