After getting married, it is generally assumed that you will share everything with your spouse.
An understandable idea in theory, but in the end a little far-fetched.
As some people have personal or precious items that they never intend to share with anyone, even their spouses.
On a more cynical note, some people also like to plan should their marriage not survive.
Redditor Old_Concentrate_4952 had hit something of a rough patch with her husband.
As a result, the original poster (OP) was taking into account what was rightfully hers.
Including a major new purchase she was in the process of, which she very consciously wanted to make sure was hers, and not her husband’s.
Wondering if she would be wrong for doing this, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**Hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA for not putting my husband on the title?”
The OP explained why she was considering excluding her husband from a major purchase:
“I (28 F[emale]) am currently purchasing a new construction home, and the mortgage and loan are completely under my name, as I am the only one qualifying for it and am financially responsible.”
“My husband (32 M[ale]) could not be added to the application or loan due to bad credit.”
“If he were to be included on the loan, we would not have qualified.”
“My husband and I have had some tough times over the last few years, and because of this, I am having a difficult time considering putting him on the title of the house.”
“He is not helping me acquire this house, as he is not helping with the down payment, loan, or closing costs, and I would still be fully responsible if something were to go wrong.”
“I am fully responsible, but he is insisting that I put him on the title, saying that financial responsibility should not be the only factor in home ownership.”
“I am not trying to be vindictive or assume that things will go wrong, but I also do not want to be foolish or unrealistic, especially considering how things have been going with my husband lately.”
“Part of me thinks that when you are married, you automatically share things, but another part of me does not feel comfortable putting his name on something he did not contribute to achieving.”
“All of our finances are in completely separate accounts.”
“We have never had joint accounts of any kind.”
“So… WIBTA for not putting my husband on the title of a house that I’m buying on my own?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to put her husband’s name on the deed to her house.
Some who had trouble sympathizing with her, pointing out that even if she didn’t put his name on the lease, being her husband, he could still claim some ownership of the house should they get divorced:
“YTA to yourself if you think not putting him on the loan or title means he gets nothing if you split.”
“Everything done during the marriage by either spouse or both spouses belongs to the marriage equally.”
“If you buy the house today, only your name on the title and mortgage, only you make payments, he still gets half if you divorce next year.”
“The only way to avoid this is with a post nuptial agreement.”- virtualchoirboy
“It literally does not matter, you are purchasing a home while married.”
“That is a marital asset and he will be entitled to half regardless (unless you have an INSANELY specific pre-nup).”
“So YTA here, if you don’t trust your husband that much you should probably cut your losses.”- Fit-Struggle7990
While others agreed that not putting her husband’s name on the lease wouldn’t avoid future problems, they otherwise felt that the OP had every right to not put her husband’s name on the deed, even if they urged her to seek legal counsel or simply put an end to this marriage:
“NTA, but if you’re married, assets are shared unless you have a prenup.”
“Reconsider this purchase at all.”- OpenPerspective1067
“NTA.”
“Absolutely do NOT do this.”
“In fact, if you want to move forward with both the marriage and the house, get yourself straight to an attorney and have a post-nuptial agreement drawn up!”- RainierCherree
“Divorce, then buy.”
“NTA.”- hopelesscaribou
“NTA, but you need to talk to a lawyer about this!”
“In some states, he may still have a community interest in the home if you divorce, even though his name is not on it.”
“You are not as protected as you think by merely keeping his name off the title.”- JeepersCreepers74
“NTA.”
“Be aware that even if he is not on the title he may be entitled to a portion of the home’s value when you divorce.”
“State law and your judge will decide this issue if there is a dispute.”
“You know that this isn’t a good marriage, don’t complicate things by buying a house before the divorce.”- Fun-Holiday9016
“NTA.”
“If you feel that your marriage may be declining, I’d suggest not putting him on the title.”
“When my marriage was failing (and I knew it), I made some similar investment decisions (we each had ‘mad money’, but I was putting mine into an investment account.”
“His went to buy expensive sunglasses and sneakers.”- Spiritual_Cry3316
“NTA.”
“You seemingly have a good head on your shoulders and you’ve worked hard to get to where you are credit wise and financially.”
“Don’t let him pressure you into doing something that will risk that when your choices have never failed you thus far.”- Ld733k
“NTA.”
“For not putting him on there, but understand that just bc his name isn’t on the deed doesn’t mean he’s not entitled to 50% of the equity if/when you get divorced.”
“But it will make it much easier for you to keep the house in the divorce without having to refinance and retitle the deed.”
“He’ll still be entitled to half and you’ll need to pay him out in some way (refinance, HELOC, cash buy out, etc).”- iiiiitsweslie
“NTA, but does it matter?”
“Are you using some form of non-marital money to fully pay for the house?”
“If you are using your salary or other marital funds, and you split, it’s half his house anyways in most places.”
“Unless you are using inheritance or premarital assets.”
“Even then.”
“He’s eventually going to contribute to upkeep probably.”- Zhentilftw
“NTA, but honestly, check out the laws for your state in marital assets.”
“If you weren’t married YET, it may remain your own home, but nine states are community property states, and I think 4 others are optional, usually going in the way of community.”
“The other states are Equitable, which means that because you are married, your husband is probably still entitled to a portion of the home, regardless of title.”
“However, if you get a good attorney, you may be able to get an agreement that works if things do go south.”
“Check to see the community property laws and if you live in a state with them, and additionally, consult an attorney to see if you can sign a post nuptial regarding the house if things were to happen.”- JGalKnit
“NTA!”
“You better not.”
“It’s pay to play!”- EffectiveGold8273
“You’re getting into legal issues – joint ownership, marital property, and all the rest.”
“If you don’t want to include him in the deed, you probably need some sort of legal agreement stipulating that he has no interest in the property.”
“YWNBTA – but I think you need to talk to an attorney.”
“If you think your marriage is at risk (you said ‘considering how things have been going…lately’), you DEFINITELY need to consult an attorney about this home purchase – or any other major purchase/investment.”- wesmorgan1
“NTA.”
“I’m not sure why you are even still married to him but you are definitely smart not putting him on the title.”
“Depending where you live, he may still be entitled to half because you are married and the house was bought while you were married.”
“I honestly don’t know why anyone would be married to someone they could not financially join with.”- violetlisa
“NTA.”
“Money is without a doubt the most important factor in home ownership in this economy.”
“If the marriage is going badly you might want to find out if you can get a post-nup to exclude the house from being his at all.”
“If he was some super construction guy who was going to re-model the entire house himself, then maybe he should have his name on the deed, but it’s a new construction so I don’t see that happening.”
“Why does he even want his name on the deed?”
“Because the house is worth money and he wants to have a stake in that money.”
“He doesn’t want to put money in but he wants to take money out.”
“Look, you are 28.”
“You’ve been having trouble for a few years, so since you were 25?”
“Your marriage hasn’t been happy since your brain fully developed?”
“And now he wants to own a house without having to buy a house, and you can see the end in site and that part of your brain that has probably been pushing you to end things for awhile now is screaming at you not to let him have a piece of this house.”
“Listen to your gut.”
“This guy is never going to get his financial ducks in a row, and he may be sweet and charming and fun but he can still make your life miserable by being bad with money.”
“Don’t give this up.”- Music_withRocks_In
One can understand why the OP is hesitant to put her husband’s name on the lease.
What the OP doesn’t seem to understand, however, is that doing so won’t solve her problems like she thinks they will.
Least understandable of all, however, is that if the OP finds her husband as untrustworthy as she does, why does even stay in this marriage?