Those who dream about one day getting married and starting a family often hope that they’ll have achieved this dream by a certain age.
Hence when they pass this age and remain single, their anxiety, or even depression, might grow with each passing year.
Not helping this matter is when they witness their younger siblings achieve that goal before they do.
The older sister of Redditor throwaway_39373 openly admitted that she felt insecure that the original poster (OP) got married before she did.
So much so that the OP’s sister even explicitly told her not to bring her husband to an upcoming barbecue she was hosting.
Something the OP absolutely refused to oblige.
Wondering if she was in the wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for bringing my husband over even though I was told not to?”
The OP shared how her sister deliberately told her not to bring her husband to a party she was hosting, but willingly decided to ignore her request.
“I am 24 and my sister is 27.”
“I am married with 2 kids.”
“My husband is also 24.”
“My sister has told me before it makes her feel insecure that I am married with kids when she isn’t.”
“Personally I think my sister is way cooler than me.”
“She is in school to be a dentist.”
“She works very hard too.”
“She works in luxury retail.”
“She used to tell me all she ever wanted was a white Mercedes’, and she bought herself a white Mercedes’ recently.”
“I was so proud of her.”
“And no, she is not the girl from the Frank Ocean song.”
“Every penny I ever spend comes from my husband.”
“Yeah, I have a nice car.”
“Not nearly as cool as hers but I didn’t buy it my husband did.”
“Same with everything else.”
“My clothes, my house, everything is bought by him.”
“She is a hardworking lady, and she gets to spoil herself.”
“She doesn’t have to ask a man to do it for her, like I do.”
“And I love my husband more than anything in this world, but I still really do look up to my sister.”
“She has a new apartment with a backyard and invited me and my parents all over for a bbq.”
“I asked if I could bring the kids.”
“She said yes but not my husband.”
“I asked why, she said it makes her feel insecure when we are in her presence.”
“I ask why.”
“She said I’m 3 years younger than her and it makes her feel bad about herself because she doesn’t have any kids and isn’t married.”
“Not to mention, she has a boyfriend, and he’s friends with my husband.”
“He has no problem with him at all.”
“In fact, they were communicating about what we should bring.”
“I told my sister I guess I’ll go alone because I don’t want to deal with a 1 year old and a 3 year old all by myself, but she said she’ll help with them and that she wants me to bring them, just not my husband.”
“I said I can only bring one then and she said to bring both no matter what.”
“So I brought my husband.”
“Her boyfriend greeted him and he didn’t even knew he wasn’t supposed to be there.”
“I sat next to him inside and she had me walk over to her and asked if I could move away from my own husband.”
“I respectfully declined that and she went over and told him ‘just so you know you weren’t invited here’.”
“Now he feels like sh*t and he went home, and I followed him.”
“My sister is only a block away from us, we didn’t drive.”
“He said he didn’t know they hated him and he thinks it’s all his fault.”
“She said I knew it made her uncomfortable when I’m around hum because she isn’t married yet.”
“She insisted I bring my two kids, but I’m only one person.”
“I can’t deal with 2 very small children alone.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Neither the OP or her sister came off looking particularly good in the eyes of the Reddit community, who generally agreed that everyone sucked in this particular situation.
Everyone agreed that it was completely unreasonable for the OP’s sister to exclude her husband from the barbecue, but that the OP should have at least explained the situation to her husband rather than simply bringing him, or should have told her sister that she wouldn’t come if her husband wasn’t invited as well.
“Your sister is absolutely TA for the way she treats your husband.”
‘You are also TA for not standing up for him, and subjecting him to her abuse.”
“Instead of telling her that you wouldn’t go without him, so you’d be staying home, you brought him with you without even telling him what’s going on.”
“Your husband is NOT an AH.”
“He is an innocent pawn.”
“Next time, just refuse her invitation unless your husband is welcome.”
“If she can’t accept you ALL as a family, she gets none of you.”
“It is her house, she can invite who she wants, but you are not obligated to visit her.”
“Her insecurity doesn’t need to be your drama.”
“Stop going over until she can act like an adult.”- MbMinx
“ESH If she doesn’t not invite your husband, don’t bring him.”
“Just don’t go at all.”- Daffodilzilla
Many also wondered if the OP’s sister didn’t want her husband there for much bigger reasons than her insecurities.
“ESH I’m calling BS on your sister’s ‘reasons’, I think she’s lying to you.”
“She has a good job, is working towards a professional career, her own place, and a boyfriend.”
“If she had wanted to marry and have babies instead, why didn’t she do that?”
“It feels like there’s something more at play here.”
“Going out on a wild limb, maybe she fancies your husband, envies your relationship with him and can’t stand to see you together because she’s jealous.”
“See, if her insecurities are based on you being married with children, how come she’s demanding you bring the kids?”
“How come she’s demanding you don’t sit next to your husband, when HER boyfriend is there?”
“I wavered on calling you AH as well but my reasons to go with it are partly because you ignored her stated wishes, her home, her rules, and partly because you exposed your husband to her snide comment.”
“And, honestly, I’m struggling with you not telling her ‘thanks for the invite but, no, I’m not interested in attending a “family” event my husband is excluded from’.”- ItisntRocketSurgery
“Yea, if she is fine with the kids but not hubby, hubby is the trigger.”
“It feels very much like she has always wanted him and her current bf actually shines a light on how she still wants what she can’t have.”
“Be upfront with her, tell her you suspect it and that you will not go along with her request going forward.”
“But never put your husband in that situation again.”
“Tell him the truth and then decline an invite where he is excluded because sis can’t handle it.”-redlippedvamp_69
“I feel like there is more to the story.”
“The sister feeling insecure around the husband sounds off.”
“Please tell me this isn’t a she got with her sister’s ex situation.”- No-BShere
Upon reading several of the comments, the OP returned to share that she too often wondered if her sister might have feelings toward her husband.
“Some people have the same concern I’ve had for 8 years now.”
“I think my sister does have a crush on my husband, but I’m not 100% sure of that.”
“The only evidence I have is sometimes I catch is her staring at him.”
“I’ll say something silly like ‘you like what you see?'”
“And she’ll say ‘no I just like his shirt’.”
“And sometimes she’ll look at him and say to me ‘I wish I had what you have’ but I always assumed she was talking about a family in general not my husband specifically.”
The OP admitted that she probably should have spoken to her husband before bringing him to the barbecue, and also shared that she finally decided to confront her sister about her suspicions.
“I just want to say, a lot of you are totally right.”
“I totally should have let my husband know.”
“And I should have just told my sister straight up I’m either going with my husband or not at all.”
“I didn’t think of it like that.”
“That being said, I took your guys’ advice.”
“I called her, I apologized, and I asked her straight up.”
“’Do you have a crush on my husband?’”
“‘She stuttered a ton and then said ‘a little bit’.”
“So…I think that answers.”
The worst thing about unrequited love is that it’s something people have little to no control over.
But if the OP and her sister want to remain on good terms, they’re going to have to have a very serious conversation, if not several, as to how to handle this going forward.
Though no one would argue that this all turned out to be a very unenviable situation for everyone to be in.