Now yes, it is true, people get to invite whomever they wish to their wedding.
But there will always be questions about people not on the list.
Some choices by soon-to-be-married folks can raise a lot of questions.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my father ‘we’ll catch the next one’ when he invited me to his wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My dad has been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years.”
“I don’t know how he has such a high turnover rate but I’m guessing it’s to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist.”
“He invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancée.”
“I knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, and none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancée, then been invited to the wedding.”
“And both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively.”
“Dad told me to bring my ‘partner’ when I came for coffee and I brought my (trans) boyfriend along.”
“We have been together for 3 years.”
“The fiancée seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a sh*t.”
“Dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if I’ll be there.”
“I notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so I say ‘we will check if we’re free.'”
“Dad replies that ‘this is family only.'”
“I reply, ‘I just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones.'”
“Dad says ‘That’s different. Are you coming?'”
“I say ‘We’ll catch the next one.'”
“Dad’s fiancée becomes visibly upset and they leave.”
“Dad texts me after that if I can be civil on the day then I can still come alone.”
“I felt like I had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender.”
“And he thanked me at the time but told me that I should probably still go.”
“But after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened I got mixed responses.”
“The overall opinion was that while I absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on.”
“And I managed to catch the actually nice fiancée in the crossfire and upset dad, too.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You stood up for your boyfriend.”
“As unfortunate as it is that the fiancée was caught in the crossfire, she didn’t oppose her soon-to-be husband’s views, so.” ~ milkbeamgalaxia
“Also, she deserves to know as much as possible about her potential husband…”
“That he’s openly transphobic; that his bigotry is more important to him than his kids…”
“That his kids view him as a serial monogamist, not without reason.”
“She wasn’t gonna get this information any other way, and if she truly is a decent person, she’ll be grateful to have it.” ~ eddy_fication
“NTA… the fiancée has a heads up for a bunch of red flags.”
“Are we sure she knows there have been 4 previous wives (people round down on how many times they’ve been married).”
“Your dad doesn’t consider your partner family; you don’t think this marriage is going to last.” ~ Bollywood_Fan
“NTA, I think it was the best thing you could’ve done in the situation, especially with the way your dad is.”
“It’s a shame that his fiancée may have gotten her feelings hurt, but she’ll have bigger problems to worry about in a few months when she’s sorting through a divorce.”
“I’m sorry that your dad can’t be more accepting.” ~ SarahFree339
“I think OP should contact stepmom5 instead.”
“Write a nice note welcoming her to the family and apologize for hurting her feelings.”
“But also explain that ‘dad’s not very good at relationships, as I’m sure you’ve realized, and that extends to relationships with his children.'”
“‘It’s important to me that I stand with my partner and not repeat my father’s mistakes.'”
“‘But I sincerely wish you and dad all the happiness partner and I have together.” ~ ditchdiggergirl
“NTA, good for you. I hope your boyfriend’s okay.”
“Maybe reach out to your dad’s fiancée about the situation too so that she at least knows it’s not about her but instead how your dad was acting.” ~ Substantial_Papaya
“This this this!”
“I’d be as polite as possible and explain fully why you’re upset.”
“Don’t let her think it’s a personal attack on her (even though the ‘next time’ comment probably came across that way).”
“It’s about your father not inviting your SO when everyone else’s is invited. NTA.” ~ newmamallama
“NTA. And for the record ‘my partner is a human and deserves respect’ is not a weird hill to die on.” ~ relevantinterests
“NTA because he invited your partner to coffee to make sure to avoid inviting both of you to the wedding.”
“If he had invited you alone or spoken to you privately first, you could have discussed it without hurting anyone’s feelings.”
“Honestly, I thought it was clever even if it was mean.”
“His new fiancée can’t be that offended when she’s number 8 at a minimum for marriage and/or children.”
“I get it if she’s number 2 or possibly even three, but maybe she needed this wake-up to reality.” ~ LadyTherion
“NTA. This is a hill to die on issue.”
“You’ve been together longer than 2 of your siblings relationships, likely longer than the engaged couple but he excludes you from having a plus one?”
“That’s insulting.”
“Text your dad, ‘You gave plus ones to my brothers who have been with their girlfriends for less than a year. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and it’s insulting not to include him.'”
“‘This is why I’m not going. You want me to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting mine.'”
“‘It’s hypocritical and doesn’t sit right with me.'” ~ OneTwoWee000
“You are NTA. F*ck him. Who cares who you bring?”
“At least you can keep a relationship for 3 years. Is he jealous?”
“Trust me, his new in-laws are going to be focused on the fact that this is his 4th/5th marriage and that your father has multiple sons all with different mothers.”
“Tell him you only want to attend his 5th-year Anniversary parties.”
“Should cut down on the wedding spam.” ~ SouthernGent19
“See, a lot of people can have rose-tinted glasses and sympathize with OP’s dad for ‘marrying 4 gold diggers who were into him for his money’ (which is undoubtedly the story he tells).”
“Fiancée #5 is different, ya know?”
“If fiancée #5 is aware fiancée #6 will exist in the future and marries dad to have a few years of luxury, then no harm done.”
“OP was slightly rude, but hey, it’s the truth, and fiancée #5 can’t be hurt that much.”
“If fiancée #5 is truly hurt by OP’s statement, then apparently she wasn’t aware of how replaceable she is and she deserves the warning.”
“In both scenarios, OP is NTA.” ~ lordcaylus
“NTA. I think the fiancee hurt OP and her boyfriend by not sticking up for OP’s right to bring her boyfriend.”
“I read another comment that some people only discuss these things privately, not while getting coffee; but if a person does that, their intent and feeling are open to misinterpretation.”
“Did the fiancee say they should discuss the topic later?”
“Or was she just afraid to disagree with the narcissistic husband-to-be?”
“Either way, she is not an innocent bystander. It’s her wedding, too.”
“OP’s comment about catching the next one wasn’t kind, but two people had just diminished an important person in her life, and she opted out.”
“‘I’m not coming to the wedding if my partner can’t come with me’ would have been better in hindsight.” ~ coffeecastles
“NTA. Maybe try to talk to the new fiancée and tell her you didn’t mean to upset her and that you were just standing up for you S[ignificant] O]ther].”
“Also tell her you and your SO were blindsided and hurt by the way your dad acted but that she seems really nice so your anger wasn’t directed at her.”
“But say you won’t be there without your SO, and everyone else is bringing theirs.”
“Sorry, not sorry SO comes first.” ~ wickedwitch9294
OP came back with some deets…
“Info: I am a woman.”
“My boyfriend is trans F[emale] T[o] M[ale].”
“Despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend’s biology.”
“Of me and my siblings, 3 were within wedlock and the other 4 (including me) were extramarital: 3 affairs, 1 long-term girlfriend.
“The fiancée knows she’s #5 and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying golddiggers by accident and didn’t know until too late.”
“And the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
You had to stand up for yourself and your partner.
If it’s worth it to you, hopefully, you and your dad can come to terms.
Good luck.