When starting a relationship, it’s important to enjoy yourself, but also to look for red flags. These might be someone refusing to pay for something they should, or expecting you to pay for something you shouldn’t.
Redditor G01M04 had been dating her boyfriend for 8 months when they got into a disagreement over a parking fine. The original poster (OP) refuses to help pay for it.
After making her choice, OP wondered if she was wrong, and asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit the titular question.
“AITA for not paying my boyfriend’s fine?”
Who was at fault here?
“My (F[emale]23) and my boyfriend of eight months (M[ale]24) went out for dinner the other day. We drove separately, and when we arrived at the restaurant, he told me he had parked in a loading zone.”
“I said we could go back and move it if he wanted, but he said not to worry.”
“After dinner, I suggested we walk along the shops and get some dessert. He agreed, but said he wanted to go back and move his car ASAP. Eventually, we went back to his car after about 15 minutes of walking.”
“When we got back to his car, there was a fine ($210). He was annoyed, and then he had a look and saw that it was issued 10 minutes before we got back.”
“I said something along the lines of ‘oh, that’s so annoying’ before saying goodbye and heading back to my car.”
“The next day, he sent me a text saying that he was still waiting on the transfer. I am kind of annoyed because I see it as his fault because he parked in an illegal spot, whereas he sees it as my fault because I made him spend longer at the shops.”
“I don’t think I should have to pay the fine, because I didn’t tell him to park illegally, he did it of his own accord, but my parents think I should send him the money just to keep the peace. AITA for not paying the fine?”
On the AITA board people explain their situation and their reaction and are judged based on what they decided to do.
This is done by fellow users who include one of the following in their comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP wasn’t sure if she was wrong because if they hadn’t stayed out so long he wouldn’t have gotten the fine.
However, OP gave her boyfriend the chance to go move his car earlier and she didn’t force him to not do it. He also could have just not parked in a loading zone either.
Commenters agreed that this was the boyfriend’s fault.
“nta. he was well aware he parked illegally.. it’s not your fault. it’s the same if you both were in a car, he was speeding, got a ticket and demanded you paid.”
“do not keep the peace with someone who doesn’t deserve your kindness.” – Silent_Heron_612
“NTA. You gave him numerous opportunities to move his car. He didn’t.”
“If you want to be nice you can send him a portion of the fine but other than that it was his fault because he agreed to do those things.” – DuelistAI
“Don’t send him anything OP, none of it is on you, he knew he parked illegally, you offered to go with him to move it, he ignored that opportunity and is disappointed it had consequences.”
“He could have moved the car while you were at the shops. Not on you. You weren’t even with him when he parked it.”
“Give him nothing and let him know he’s responsible for his own actions.”
“Also what’s with not asking for the money and texting you one day later saying he’s ‘expecting’ the transfer? Have you given him money for things like this before?”
“Why does he just expect you to pay for his fine without comment?” – BaconPancakes1
“NTA. And a giant red flag.”
“I could see him saying my fault, I parked illegally. I could see him suggesting you split it (I parked illegally but we didn’t get back sooner as we walked to the shops).”
“I absolutely cannot imagine the conversation being ‘I am still waiting on the transfer.’ I might offer to split it but…” – tropicaldiver
“Title needs to be ex boyfriend of 8 months thinks i owe him for his own stupidity.” – Tired-of-this-world
Comments agreed that OP is not wrong to refuse to pay for her boyfriend’s ticket. She didn’t cause it to happen, so why should she?
What they couldn’t understand is why anyone would suggest she try to “keep the peace” by paying him.
Why would her family tell her that?
“NTA, absolutely do not pay that fine.”
“Your parents’ suggestion is also bullsh**, to keep the peace? and also set a precedent of being walked all over in your relationship.”
“He chose to park illegally and he also chose to go with you after dinner, he could have refused or moved his car at any point during the night.”
“His choice, his responsibility.” – CJHarts
“NTA. Your bf is a jerk. He parked illegally. It doesn’t matter how much before you got to the car he got the ticket. Keep the peace?!?! Hell no.” – facinationstreet
“Wtf?! Your boyfriend and parents are all AHs. This is not ok. I’m so over this ‘keep the peace’ bullsh** that allows grown adults to have tantrums while innocent people suffer to ‘keep the peace’”
“Do not pay the fine. Do not apologise for not paying the fine. Tell him to grow up and take responsibility for his own stupidity.”
“NTA.” – anonego7
“NTA – if your parents want to keep the peace so much then they can transfer him the money.” – theegreatladykate
“Why are your parents telling you to pay your boyfriend’s parking fine to ‘keep the peace’? That makes no sense at all.”
“He decided to park illegally, so he’s responsible for his parking ticket.” – Cocoasneeze
OP hasn’t updated the post or commented about how things have been handled. Hopefully, she didn’t take her parents’ advice because it’d just be a waste of money.
If your partner can’t take responsibility for their own actions, it might be time to have a talk with them about what that means.