Everyone has to decide how to manage their money, from when they will pay their bills, to what they spend the extra funds on.
When people disagree, it can cause a rift in the relationship, pointed out users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Agreeable_Wheel_8188 and her sister had very different spending habits, and when she started to save up for a fun trip, her sister criticized her for wasting her money.
But when her sister turned around and needed money because she had not planned ahead, the Original Poster (OP) refused because of how she had been treated.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for not helping my sister out financially after she called me irresponsible?”
The OP and her sister managed their money differently.
“My older sister and I have never really seen eye-to-eye about money.”
“She is super careful, like she plans every dollar, and never does anything risky. Meanwhile, I am a little more relaxed and like to have fun.”
The OP decided to save up money for a fun experience.
“A few months ago, I decided to start setting aside a little extra (about 2K) from some money I had on the Rolling Riches casino. It is not my main income or anything, but every now and then, when there is a little bump, I put part of it aside for fun stuff and part into savings.”
“Honestly, it has been a huge mental win just having something on the side to fall back on.”
“Last week, she found out I bought myself a weekend trip I have been wanting to take forever. Nothing crazy but hotels, flights, and some other small stuff.”
The OP’s sister criticized her for putting the money away for something “irresponsible.”
“She immediately started lecturing me about how ‘irresponsible’ it was to spend that kind of money right now.”
“Then two days later, she asked if I could help her cover a surprise expense she had.”
“I told her no. Not because I could not afford it, but because, honestly, after the way she treated me, I did not feel like I owed her anything.”
“Now my mom and a few relatives are saying family should always help family no matter what, and that I am being petty.”
“But from my point of view, if you are going to call someone irresponsible, maybe do not ask them for a loan right after.”
“Am I AITAH here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was free to spend her money how she wished, and if her sister couldn’t respect it, she didn’t need to benefit from it.
“I’m laughing at the fact that she called you irresponsible when it seems she is the irresponsible one here for not having some money saved up for ‘unexpected’ expenses.”
“If she’s as careful as you say with money, it’s honestly suspicious that she now needs financial help. Also, NTA, it’s your money.” – YahtzeeFoxx
“The irony… it’s actually responsible to save money for what you want, including creating fun budgets.”
“But what she’s at is expecting you to save your pennies so you can fund her shortfall.”
“She can pound sand. She’s putting her values on you when you have a different financial situation than her. NTA.” – Snackinpenguin
“Do you mean the responsible person didn’t do the responsible thing and had an emergency fund? Tsk, tsk. Hypocrisy, thy name is OP’s sister. NTA. You are doing the responsible thing for yourself. Family usually does not pay back loans.” – AdorableLeg2414
“NTA! She called YOU irresponsible and then needed financial help? Man, I would have laughed in her face. ‘I find it irresponsible that you don’t have a savings account for when emergencies come up.'”
“And I find it quite interesting that she suddenly had this ‘surprise expense’ come up after she found out you could afford a weekend away. I honestly don’t buy it.”
“Tell your mom and other relatives that THEY can help her out.” – Ginger630
“You are absolutely being petty, but it’s justifiable pettiness, which does make a large difference. If it’s justifiable pettiness, it’s called a lesson.” – JazzlikeSmith1523
“NEVER loan money to family/friend/neighbor/co-worker if you must need that money paid back.”
“People say they will, but only a small percentage do.”
“If you need that money, it will negatively impact your relationship with the deadbeat.” – name2name1
“Say, ‘Unfortunately, I can no longer spend my money on irresponsible things. Thank you.'”
“NTA.” – My_friends_are_toys
“It would be irresponsible to be her crutch, OP should encourage her to be responsible and save for surprise expenses like OP did.” – Beth21286
“NTA. Don’t share financials with anyone, including family. Ever.”
“One exception is aging parents with whatever adult child/children/relatives/found family they trust as caretakers, and only if those potential caretakers have proven themselves trustworthy through observing their behavior. I’m well aware not everyone has that option, and either they have s**t family, or don’t have siblings/kids. I ought to research those options myself, before my husband and I need it.”
“Example: my parents gave me view access to their investment accounts when I was about 30 and they were about 60. It’s a ‘just in case’ thing, and so I can monitor their general spending habits. One of my grandfather’s early signs of dementia was significant changes in spending habits over the course of about five years.”
“My dad and his next youngest brother have full access to my 94-year-old grandmother’s finances. Dad does her taxes, and his brother takes care of things like going to the doctor with her and keeping all the siblings in the loop.” – Accomplished_Pea6344
Others pointed out that the family could help the sister if they felt so passionate about the OP’s spending habits.
“NTA. It’s your money. Others complaining can give her money. The first ones to say ‘family helps family’ are usually the last to actually do so.” – Quiet_Village_1425
“Tell your mom and other relatives to help your sister if they believe so strongly in family helping family.” – elliottbtx
“Family members to OP: Family should always help Family.”
“OP to Family members: I agree. How much have you given her?” – Usual-Canary-7764
“Let them give her money. But did anyone notice what I did?”
“She says this about her sister, ‘She is super careful like she plans every dollar, never does anything risky.’ If her sister is that careful with her money, she’d also be putting money aside for emergencies.”
“If she can’t cover one ‘surprise expense,’ she’s not really careful. She just doesn’t want anyone to know she’s actually quite s**tty with her money.” – melyssahb
“Nope. Even if you hadn’t bought yourself something nice, you wouldn’t have been the asshole to say no. It’s YOUR money. Being family does NOT make you responsible for covering her expenses.”
“You are NTA. Keep making good financial choices. Let other family members enable her poor ones.” – CocoaAlmondsRock
“Her criticizing you is a power play to manipulate you in all aspects of your life. It’s negging. to break down your self-worth and control you. You are NTA. Tell her she can get a loan or put it on a credit card.”
“Seriously, dude… congrats on saving the extra money! I finally paid off a lifetime of debt about 8 years ago, and it was liberating. Like I could breathe again. And I’ve started saving, too. I have 12 months in the bank in case anything ever happens. Good luck, OP!” – frauleinsteve
“NTA. She’s an adult, and she’s fully responsible for her own finances. You don’t owe her anything, especially not after how she’s specifically been at you for your decisions around spending your own money.”
“‘I thought about what you said, and you were right, it would be incredibly irresponsible for me to spend that kind of money right now, sorry sis, but I don’t have money for your expenses.'” – NopeNinjaSquirrel
“The boomer generation dying mottos will be ‘family helps family no matter what’ and ‘be the bigger person.’ My parents used to say s**t like that then I pointed out a ton of examples of how that mindset generally enables abuse and protects the abuser.”
“It’s been over 15 years since either has said those phrases because they now understand what it really means. You just do you and say it’s irresponsible to not budget for surprise expenses.” – Crazy4Swayze420
It was not escaping the subReddit just how ironic it was that the OP’s “frugal” sister had criticized her not for spending on a trip, but for responsibly saving up for it, only to turn around days later, expecting her sister to give her money when an “unexpected” expense came up.
No expenses should really come as a surprise to someone who is “frugal” and “responsible,” and if she was so responsible, she should have had an emergency fund in place that could cover for an emergency or “surprise” expense.
It’s understandable if a person doesn’t have the excess funds to be able to build an emergency fund, but if they’re going to pronounce themselves as financially responsible and frugal, and if they’re going to shame other people for what they’re spending their money on, then they should probably walk the walk and save the savings if they’re going to talk the talk.