Lending out money to loved ones can make relationships awkward.
A lot of people tend not to pay back personal loans on time or at all.
This is especially problematic when borrowers know the lenders aren’t hurting to get the cash back.
But paying back a loan is supposedly the right thing to do.
This back and forth has ruined many a relationship.
Redditor Fresh_Blueberry_3200 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling friends and family I’m broke when they need money?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (50 M[ale]) had several instances in my 20s where friends and family members borrowed money from me.”
“They either never paid it back, or I had to really pressure them for the money.”
“The problem is everyone knew I made decent money, and knew I was a habitual saver.”
“So when they got hard up, they’d come to me like an ATM machine.”
“They’d be like, ‘Come on, man, I know you got the money!’”
“Then I’d get the hard luck sob story followed by ‘I’ll pay you back when I get…’”
“So I opened up a new bank account.”
“I only put $20 in savings, the minimum required by this bank.”
“Then I’d put enough in the checking account for bills, groceries, and spend it that day so that the account only had a few bucks left.”
“When folks would hit me up for money, I’d be like, ‘Sorry, I’d like to help you out, but money’s tight right now.'”
“They’d call bull s**t, and I’d log into that account and show them.”
“They’d go away all dejected.”
“After a few years of this, people started asking where my money went.”
“Obviously, I’m not going to tell them the truth (savings, HYSA, investments).’
“So I’d say ‘beer’ or ‘strip club’ or ‘casino.'”
“And not only did they believe me (because that’s what they did), but by the 2010s, they were lecturing me about not wasting my money! 🤣”
“Anyway, in the 2010s, I got married and filled my wife in on the situation.”
“She thought it was funny.”
“Anyway, my sister came over for Halloween and made some comment about how glad she was that I’d learned to be more responsible with money.”
“My wife started laughing and spilled the beans.”
“My sister confronted me, and I confirmed it was true.”
“Then I told her I wasn’t 20 anymore and if she hit me up for money, the answer was ‘no!’”
“She told the rest of the family.”
“Some think it’s hilarious, but others think I’m a tight-wadded a**hole.”
“Some have asked me how much I have, and I tell them, ‘none of your business.’”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, but your sister is for telling everyone.” ~ kibbiepdx
“I’m perplexed about everyone in your orbit feeling comfortable discussing (your) money like this.”
“My family has no idea how much money I have, or how I spend it.”
“I have no idea about their financials.”
“It’s none of anyone’s god damned business.”
“The fact that you set up a decoy account and then showed them the balance is wild to me.”
“I mean, you made it work, but I would have just told everyone to go f**k themselves instead.” ~ wikedsmaht
“NTA. Funny how many learned to survive without your help.” ~ PDK112
“NTA, and you’ve learned a valuable lesson to tell your family and friends to mind your own business.”
“Personally, I would drop people who were always hitting me up for money.” ~ MarionberryPlus8474
“NTA. You are not the family ATM.”
“It’s really that simple.”
“You do need to have a talk with your wife about sabotaging you and throwing you under the bus like that, though.”
“She should be supporting you in refusing to give family and friends money that you’ll never see a penny of back.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“NTA. It’s not your responsibility to bankroll them.”
“It’s hilarious.” ~ Dependent-Ad-9935
“NTA! Your family deserved it.’
“The fact that your family continued asking for money, had the nerve to ask where it went, lectured you on saving (which apparently they needed to do), and to ask how much you have now is just audacity all the way around.”
“Bravo to you!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Well played.” ~ FlashyHabit3030
“NTA, you are just being a huge dumb a**.”
“Repeat after me: ‘I’m sorry, no; I don’t lend money.'”
“Your wishy-washy attitude is what keeps them asking.”
“If it doesn’t matter how much you may or may not have, it is not their business to even ask.”
“If they insist, stop making excuses, stop acting like you have something to apologize for, and just say no and get offended if they don’t drop it.” ~ Unlucky-Clock5230
“NTA. Your finances aren’t anyone’s business but your own. Period.” ~ BlondDee1970
“NTA. But damn, that wife got a big dumb mouth, huh.”
“This is why they say loose lips sink ships.”
“She’s the type to sink a destroyer with hundreds of souls on it.” ~ Free-Place-3930
“This needs to be shut down pronto.”
“Have a level-headed conversation with your wife about never ever sharing financial information with friends, coworkers, or family. Never.”
“Some people just don’t know what that can do, so be gentle.’
“Consistently convey a lack of immediate funds through white lies or when the opportunity presents itself.”
“Establish that as background noise, like the driveway needs repairing, the car’s in the shop, insurance didn’t cover something—it’s all true over time.”
“Talk like a penny pincher.”
“That your relations disparage you for poor money handling is laughable given they have their hands out.” ~ shorthandgregg
“Tell your wife that pillow talk stays with only those who lie on the pillow.”
“Zip IT!”
“Tight wad, yes; a**hole nope.”
“Tight wad is a metaphor for I’m financially positioning myself to be self-sufficient.”
“NTA NTA NTA!!!”
“I had similar experiences with friends and family.”
“I am the tightwad wad, and it has served me well my entire life.”
“Initially, I was the bank that never received repayment.”
“Finally, I got tired of it and started a practice similar to yours.’
“I saved a VERY minuscule amount from every check, like $5 minuscule, into a ‘to be stolen fund.'”
“When someone asks to ‘borrow’ I would look at the fund, see how much was there, and say sure – steal away, or no, I don’t have it.”
“Which wasn’t a lie.”
“If I’m working every day and not financially where I can retire and live then life I want then I don’t have it to cover anyone else’s mismanagement or life crisis.”
“On the occasion I was able to lend from the ‘to be stolen fund,’ I would put the burden on the recipient of the funds to either repay the debt or supply the next request.”
“So when person B would ask to borrow, I would say I don’t have it because person A didn’t repay the account.”
“If you can get the money from person A, you can borrow it.”
“Creating this cyclic pattern of accountability reduced the ask to zero.”
“I still would loan to a couple of individuals when there was true hardship.” ~ m-sy
“NTA. Example: one of my sisters is married to a deadbeat who hasn’t worked in over a decade (not held down a full-time job, that is).”
“Every time he gets something full-time, he conveniently gets ‘sick.'”
“So she’s the only one who’s worked their whole marriage.”
“There’s nothing wrong with him (my other sister is a nurse and offered to help him apply for disability for his ‘illnesses’ but he refuses, and we believe he’s lied).”
“My sister won’t leave him; their kids are adults now, and she won’t listen to us.”
“I made the mistake of helping them out with groceries once (I had an extra $100 and my sister was complaining to me, so I decided to help her).”
‘After that, I was their ATM, and it got to the point that she’d only contact me when she wanted money.”
“He’d make her ask because my sister and I would tell him no.”
“After yet another eviction because my sister couldn’t afford their rent by herself, I put my foot down.”
“They tried to get more money out of me, and I got tired of it.”
“I’m just one person, and I can’t keep bailing them out.”
“All these people acting like OP owes his family – no, he does not.”
“And if there is some toxicity, then definitely not.”
“His money is his to do whatever he wants.”
“Anyone else with a toxic family gets it. It is not safe for them to know what you’ve got.” ~ FnapSnaps
“NTA. You were surrounded by moochers.”
“Your ruse was your training-wheels method of being able to say ‘no’ until you could just say it.”
“The answer didn’t change; its appropriateness didn’t change.”
“And apparently, some of those mooching relatives haven’t changed.” ~ swillshop
“Will admit this is hilarious.”
“I can go into far too much detail of how, yes, they will drain you dry until you cut them off.”
“Heck, this year I managed to secure my sibling with a payment the equivalent of almost two months of my wages, and they blew it all on a holiday, and as they were still requesting their £100 birthday money as they would be skint when they got back from it.”
“There are more reasons, but they are definitely now cut off.”
“I think your wife is learning firsthand why you did what you did.”
“You do not exist to act as a source of revenue due to being related.”
“No means no.” ~ Acceptable-Net-154
“NTA. Sister is going to sound the trumpet, and the next holiday or family gathering should be fun.”
“Bring a box of chocolates since it stimulates cognitive functions.”
“Give one to everyone who either blatantly asks for ‘help’ or those who play the long game, putting out feelers for ‘help.'”
“At least when you tell them ‘NO!’, they may be able to understand it is the end of the discussion.”
“Update this in about 3 months, letting us know how many of the ‘others who think you’re a tight-wadded a**hole’ actually hit you up.” ~ Hempsox
Reddit has your back, OP.
You don’t owe anyone a dime.
You shouldn’t have been forced to lie in the first place.
And your wife owes an apology.
Stand firm, no loans.