Love knows no bounds.
Indeed, many people will fall deeply in love despite possessing fundamental differences.
These differences might never become more apparent when they start to plan their wedding.
Such was the case for Redditor SarahJake2022 and her fiancé, particularly when it came to planning the menu.
The original poster (OP) and her family all followed the same, strict diet, which her fiancé wasn’t a particularly big fan of.
So much so, that he canceled all of her food choices without telling her, which the OP didn’t appreciate one bit.
Wondering if she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back?”
The OP explained how a serious disagreement over their wedding menu led to some unexpected tension with her fiancé.
“My fiancé (31 M[ale]) and I (25 F[emale]) are getting married soon.”
“There wasn’t much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food.”
“Me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues.”
“My fiancé and his family are the complete opposite.”
“They’re hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.”
“However, When deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add 4-5 vegan options.”
“My fiancé and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that ‘isn’t real food’.”
“They also argued that this would be offensive for ‘their’ guests and suggested my vegan options just be ‘the good ol’ salads & appetizers’.”
“His mom wanted cupcakes, lol.”
“I said no because for one it’s me and my family who’s paying. and two I want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served ‘salad’.”
“My fiancé made a face and said ‘isn’t that what vegans eat?'”
“I refused to argue about it and said it was final.”
“The other day, I found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back.”
“I was seething.”
“I called him at work but he kept hanging up on me.”
“I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him.”
“He was stunned to see me.”
“He at first said it was his mom’s idea then told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office.”
“The fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughts and input, and refusing to accommodate his family.”
“But there were PLENTY of meat options why why can’t I get 4-5 vegan options?”
“When I’m paying for it?'”
“He yelled that it was his wedding too not my family’s.”
“My family said it was fine and they’ll figure it out and told me to let it go but I refused.”
“AITA for putting my foot down on this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting her fiancé about removing the vegan options from their wedding menu.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s fiancé, as well as his mother, were being extremely rude to the OP and her family, particularly as they were the ones paying for the wedding, leaving many to urge the OP to question if she really wanted to go through with this marriage.
“NTA.”
“You sure you wanna marry someone who’s so rude and dismissive and ruled by his mother?”-armchairshrink99
“Definitely NTA.”
“Not only are you the one paying for the food, but a wedding is something you plan as a couple.”
“He felt like your and your family’s wellbeing during the catering wasn’t as important as his.”-Constant-Apartment08
“NTA.”
“So, he has no clue what Vegans actually eat, and no interest in learning.”
“Believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs, while having no food for your family is perfectly fine.”
“Doesn’t respect your input and your money.”
“Makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back.”
“Either can’t stand up to his mom or uses her as his scapegoat.”
“That’s a lot of things to be really angry about.”
“Why are you marrying this guy again?”- HoldFastO2
“NTA.”
“Are you sure you want to marry this man and his family?”
“They have no respect at all for you and yours.”- AnselaJonla
“NTA.”
“All he had to do was compromise by having some vegan options and meat options.”
“Everyone wins.”
“But no.”
“He couldn’t even do that.”
“Are you sure you want to marry a man who doesn’t respect your views and morals?”- Ginge-24
“NTA, and easy fix.”
“He cancelled the vegan options, you cancel the wedding.”
“Imagine what the toxicity will be when you guys have kids and you want to have ANY type of input on their upbringing.”- giospez
“So you and your family are paying, but his mummy says salad and cupcakes is fine, so he cancels any food the family PAYING can eat.”
“I’d cancel the wedding you NTA, him and mummy massive massive AH’s.”- Reasonable-Rich6650
“NTA and honestly, you wanna cancel the wedding all together.”
“He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t respect your family.”
“He’s going behind your back to do something he knows you hate.”
“He’s prioritizing his mothers fragile feelings over your needs.”
“I’m not the ‘break up’ over anything type of person, but this dude isn’t able to handle an adult relationship with mutual respect.”
“And at his age, that’s worrying.”
“Another thing that’s worrying is that he’s together with a vegan and obviously has no clue on what vegans eat.”- SaikaTheCasual
“NTA.”
“Unless you marry him.”
“He showed you who he is.”
“Believe him.”- Desert_Sea_4998
“NTA.”
“Cancel the meat options also, by canceling the wedding.”- chzsteak-in-paradise
“NTA.”
“But I’d dump the whole man and find someone who is respectful of you and your family.”-consectariana
“NTA.”
“You have been giving you a gift.”
“It may not feel this way now. He has chosen to show you how he will put his mother over you at every major event.”
“He has chosen to show you the level of respect he has for your life choices.”
“It is up to you to decide what you do with that gift.”- BellaBowser
The OP later gave an update, sharing a message she received from her soon-to-be mother-in-law, as well as an update on her relationship.
“So his mom messaged me earlier to try to get me to listen to what she had to say after I kept ignoring her phone calls.”
“She spent long walls of text just to ‘address’ what I did at her son’s workplace, calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged.”
“She then went to explain how she’s noticed that me and my family kept ‘acting dismissive’ of her son’s input and ‘contributions’ to the wedding.”
“She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family and wanted to speak up earlier but didn’t and tried to keep the peace.”
“She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in the cancellation of the vegan option but that didn’t mean she doesn’t support her son’s decision.”
“Moreover, she thought it was soooo responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how this stuff is waste of money.”
“She also pointed out how I kept saying ‘I paid for it’ and said that technically this isn’t just my money, it’s mine and his because we’re getting married she suggested I wisen up and get rid of ‘my money, I paid for it’ mentality.”
“She finally mentioned how ‘bad’ this whole situation is making me look, and said that she and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off and decided to make it my ‘weird’ hill to die on.”
“She said that not only her son is upset but she and ‘the family’ are as well after hearing about it and suggested I just agree on their compromise and be done with it.”
“This pissed me off beyond belief I responded by letting her know that I’m still standing my ground on this even if I’ll have to call the whole wedding off because of it because honestly?”
“This is just ridiculous, it is!!! my mom and dad, they don’t even know what to say anymore.”
“Apparently, my fiancé saw my response to her, he’s with her, and is now trying to call me but right now I’m waiting on him to get home and see if he’s still insisting on the stance he took.”
One of the cornerstones of marriage is finding common ground and making compromises.
Something the OP’s fiancé refused to do, even despite the fact that the OP’s family was the one footing the bill.
One can only hope he acknowledges his mistake before the big day.
Assuming the wedding is still on.