When parents remarry, there is always a concern that their children will accept and get along with their new stepparents and stepsiblings.
It’s always an adjustment when we begin to share a home, sometimes it’s conflict-free, and everyone hits it off swimmingly.
In other cases, however, children of blended families will make no effort to become close to their stepfamily, resulting in a tense, sometimes hostile living situation.
In an effort for their daughter and stepchildren to grow closer, Redditor Throwaway317515 arranged a family vacation.
But after discovering their husband appearing to go out of their way to exclude their daughter from joining everyone, the original poster (OP) found themself taking drastic measures.
Measures their husband claimed to be disrespectful and uncalled for.
Wondering if they had gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for cancelling the entire trip after finding out that my husband hid my daughter’s passport?”
The OP shared how after their husband constantly complained that their daughter wasn’t making an effort to get close to his children, then he later revealed himself to be somewhat complicit in the matter.
“My husband and I have been together for 3 years.”
“He has 3 kids from his previous relationship and I have one.”
“She’s the oldest (17).”
“He’s a dedicated man, puts God first, and loves everyone.”
“My husband always complains that my daughter doesn’t spend time with her stepsiblings or him, but she has reasons for that and that is school, health issues, and work.”
“She does her best to spend as much time with them as she can.”
“But she on the other hand complains that her stepdad tells her to basically take on the role of a babysitter whenever she’s with her stepsiblings.”
“My husband denied that and said that my daughter was making up excuses to not have to spend time with his kids.”
“For this issue, I figured that a family trip is what the family needed to get together and spend more time around each other.”
“My husband liked the idea but said that his kids are now ‘uncomfortable’ around my daughter because of her ‘attitude’ and suggested we let her stay home and have the house all to herself since that’s ‘what she always wanted.'”
“I told him it’s best that we all go.”
“He kept complaining til I snapped and told him to stop.”
“I booked (paid) for the whole family.”
“However, my daughter told me she couldn’t find her passport.”
“We turned the house upside down looking for it but couldn’t find it.”
‘My husband said maybe it was a sign from God that we should let her stay home so the trip wouldn’t turn into a disaster.”
‘I ignored his comment but later while I was cleaning his office I found the passport, tucked away in the 3rd drawer under a ton of papers.”
“I was floored by this, I confronted him with it and he swore he had no idea why or how the passport got there.”
“I checked the upstairs camera and saw him enter my daughter’s room.”
“That was it for me.’
“I screamed my head off at him then canceled the whole trip completely.”
“He started arguing, saying I overreacted and that he didn’t want his kids to be ‘miserable’ on the trip and that willing to apologize to my daughter if and when I reconsider my decision regarding the cancellation of the trip because my stepkids will be devastated, but I said it was final and that it was done.”
“He become cold and distant and said that he wants to take some time to do some fasting and get guidance from God about how he should deal with the disrespect and control I had displayed lately.”
“AITA for canceling it altogether?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for canceling their family’s vacation after their husband tried to exclude their daughter.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband displayed deceptive and manipulative behavior, and seemed to be using his religion as a way of hiding that.
This resulted in many people urging the OP to question if it was worth staying in this marriage.
“You paid for this trip to bring the family together.”
“He broke into your daughter’s room.”
“STOLE and important document.”
“Hid it in his office.”
“Pretended he was unaware of it when y’all were turning the house upside down.”
“Used ‘God’ as an excuse for his THEFT.”
“Didn’t confess his deed.”
“Doubled down when he was caught in 4K.”
“Prioritize and used his kids as an excuse for his THEFT.”
“Has not apologized.”
“Ma’am, respectfully he is not someone who would ‘Put God first.'”
“For the sake of Lucifer, dump his a**.”
“You’ll be doing a huge favor to your daughter and her future.”
“If he can’t do a simple family trip to bring y’all together and steal your daughter’s passport to keep her away, I fear what else he would be willing to do to your daughter for the sake of his own kids in the future for bigger life challenges.”- HailLuciferDaddy
If your husband wants to take this issue to God, allow me to help him get started.
“Lying lips are abomination to the LORD . . .” Proverbs 12:22
“‘Thou shalt not steal.'”
“He stole from your daughter and he lied about it.”
“Now he is trying to fault you for ‘disrespect’ and ‘control’?”
“What about the disrespect he showed to you and your daughter?”
“What about the control he displayed by deliberately trying to exclude your daughter from a family vacation, and lying about it?”
“What about the disrespect he showed your daughter, presuming to decide for her that she would prefer to stay home from the family vacation?’
“Which, let’s face it, was the ostensible reason.”
“It wasn’t what your daughter wanted.’
“I don’t even believe it’s what his kids wanted.”
“It’s what he wanted.”
“Please tell your husband for me that he does not love God.”
“God is just an excuse he uses to justify some really horrible, manipulative, controlling, dishonest, and disrespectful behavior.”
“Seriously, please tell him for me.”
‘Show him my post.”
“His conduct was absolutely disgusting.”
‘”Made even more so by the fact that he’s trying to make it look like you’re the one who has the issue.”
“Like you’re the one who’s being controlling and disrespectful.”
“I rarely see, in this subreddit, a such clear instance of projection, especially of this magnitude.”
“Why believe a single thing he says now?”
“He’s proven that he is manipulative and will lie right to your face.”
“I have no doubt that what your daughter says is true: that he really does try to use her a babysitter every time she gets together with her step-siblings.”
“And save that video footage, and get all the proof you can.”
“And if your home cameras happened to capture him lying about it, save that, too.”
“If this goes to divorce court, you’ll need all the proof you can get.”- RighteousVengeance
“You need to take time to consider that your husband stole, lied, gaslit you, and is trying to control your and your daughter’s behavior.”- Bookkeeper2None
“Book a trip for just you & your daughter.”
“A MAN OF GOD?!”
“You need to stop calling him that.”
“It’s blatantly untrue and you need to open your eyes to his ACTIONS vs his WORDS.”
“He’s a lying, abusive, sneaky manipulative AH who is trying to push out your daughter for himself and his kids.”
“Your stepkids should be blaming him for his disgusting actions trying to ostracize their stepsister.”
“Without the camera, he might’ve succeeded.”
“Do you want to be with someone that you can’t trust?”- Sel-Reddit
“Your husband doesn’t put God first, always.”
“He uses God to manipulate others, which is a sin, taking the Lord’s name in vain, so popular that it made the top ten list, Ten Commandments.”
“He thinks God hid the passport for him?”
“God apparently ‘moved through him’ to hide the passport.”
“This is gaslighting.”
“He wants you to think that you ‘disrespecting him’, defending your daughter from a thief, is worse than him hiding her passport and lying about it.”
“I want to reiterate that you are NOT THE AH in the slightest.”
“Your husband is a liar, thief, hypocrite, and manipulator.”
“I’m an atheist, but if his God is real, he’s got a special place reserved for your husband.”- Uh_Cromer
The fact that the OP caught their husband red-handed hiding their daughter’s passport really makes one wonder if there were other acts of deception by their husband.
And the fact that he seems to be using his faith as an excuse or cover makes this all the more distressing.
One can only hope that during his “fasting and reflection” he’ll become aware of his own bad behavior, and the “disrespect” he showed the OP.