Content Warning: Late Parents, Grieving Process, Loss, Bullying, Harmful Jokes, Cancer
Some people really love to tell jokes and to play pranks on other people. It runs so deep, it's a key part of their personality.
But the best jokesters and best human beings understand that there are some things that you simply do not use as comedy material, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor happinesveronicaaaa lost her mother three years prior to cancer, and it was a loss that still crept up on her from time to time.
Her boyfriend had a dark sense of humor, and when her requests not to mention her mother in his jokes did not deter him, the Original Poster (OP) said in no uncertain terms that she would break up with him if he continued to make his "mom jokes."
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for telling my boyfriend I’ll leave him if he keeps 'joking' about my dead mom?"
The OP was struggling with her boyfriend's dark sense of humor.
"I (22 Female) have been with my boyfriend (28 Male) for almost two years."
"Overall, he’s been good to me, but his 'dark humor' is starting to destroy me."
"My mom passed away from cancer three years ago. It was the worst thing I’ve ever gone through."
"I’ve told him multiple times that jokes about her are completely off-limits."
The OP's boyfriend continued to joke about her mother anyway.
"Last weekend we were at a small gathering with his friends."
"He joked that my mom 'must be relieved she doesn’t have to deal with my emotional baggage anymore.'"
"A couple of guys laughed. I told him right there it wasn’t funny and to never say anything like that again."
"He rolled his eyes and called me too sensitive."
The OP gave her boyfriend an ultimatum.
"Yesterday it happened again while we were alone."
"He said something like, 'At least your mom doesn’t have to see how crazy you get during your period.'"
"I lost it. I told him that was his final warning: if he ever makes another joke about my dead mom, I’m done with the relationship."
The OP's boyfriend deflected blame back onto her.
"Now he’s saying I’m overreacting, that dark humor is just who he is, and that I 'knew what I was getting into.'"
"His friends are also texting me, saying I need to chill and that I’m trying to change him."
"I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve been crying all day."
"Is it really that big of a deal to expect basic respect for my dead mother?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some pointed out to the OP that a joke was only a joke and only funny if she could laugh just as much as her boyfriend.
"A joke is only a joke if both people think it’s funny. He is callously cruel. He is almost 30 and acting like a rude, petulant p***k."
"OP, girl, you’re so young. This isn’t it. This isn’t love or respect. Dump his a**, like, yesterday." - Martinisnmurder
"I've also heard (and love), 'A joke’s a story with a humorous climax, not an insult.'"
"So if after it's told, the person telling has to follow up with, 'I'm just teasing,' or, 'You're too sensitive,' then it wasn't a joke." - CrypticWolfe
"This is also true of pranks. A phrase I've heard about what differentiates a prank from cruelty is, 'confuse, don't abuse.'"
"If the target isn't laughing, it wasn't a joke or a prank. It's just abuse in a s**tty coat. Being Schrodingers A**hole isn't funny." - aPawMeowNyation
"That's beyond dark humor, and the fact he carries on despite you telling him multiple times you don't want him to joke about your mom, shows he has zero respect for you. Telling someone not to joke about one particular subject is not trying to change someone. I would really leave this relationship." - natalya4
"Yeah, my family and I use dark and morbid humor as a coping mechanism. This ain’t it."
"Me going into anaphylaxis, after eating some cake, and I’m looking at my mom and going, 'That cake was to die for.'"
"Me going into anaphylaxis with my partner, and I look at him and am like, 'You take my breath away.'"
"I go fully into anaphylactic shock. For a bit, I can barely breathe, can’t move any of my body, my vision is on and off, and the nice EMS people are in my house around me. I can finally breathe a bit and move my head a bit. And the EMT’s are telling me I’m doing great."
"And I’m 100% there like, you remember 'The Princess Bride' when Fezzik says, ‘You just shook your head, doesn't that make you happy?’ And Westley is all still half dead like, ‘My brains, his steel, and your strength against sixty men, and you think a little head-jiggle is supposed to make me happy?’"
"My little sister has a round of anaphylaxis. She texts us a message, something like, 'So, uh, cancelling that appointment for lip fillers, don’t need them anymore! DIY!' and sends us a picture of her face, swollen, with ginormous lips."
"(Anaphylaxis has been a frequent thing in my family of late… we’re DYING to get past it.)"
"See, it’s funny when we’re all laughing. When we make the joke about us! When we’re all in on it and laughing. The point of gallows humor is that it’s the person on the gallows making the humor... not that you're mocking the person in the audience who's having their world turned upside-down and inside-out while one of their loved ones is in the gallows." - art_addict
Others agreed and urged the OP not to give her boyfriend multiple chances to correct his behavior.
"God, I wish women would stop giving multiple chances to absolute losers. NOR." - Unfck-my-life
"This moron has found OP’s pressure point and will keep hitting it until she leaves him. He doesn't deserve any more of her time or heart." - Even_Speech570
"OP, if you allow him to treat you like this (which staying with him signals you're allowing or putting up with it), it WILL get worse. Abusive partners almost always start with 'smaller' stuff like s**tty comments to test the waters."
"Each time he talks to you like this, and you allow it by staying, he's learning that he can get away with it. He will continue to escalate a little at a time until he finds your breaking point. LEAVE. NOW. Before he has the chance to escalate." - LadyPhoenix13
"'But... But... He is soooooo cute tho... Whatever....'"
"This guy is planting red flags everywhere. OP, you're young.... There will be plenty of other opportunities, and hopefully, you will get someone who supports you, instead of bringing you down. And something tells me you will not find that person within his group of friends." - Ollie_NL84
"I've read countless stories about women partnered with guys who run the spectrum from d*+ks to f**king psychos and asking us if they're overreacting."
"What the f**k? No, you're not. Not married? No kids? Run, don't walk. Not all of us are like this."
"For better or worse, I've never, ever read a similar story from a man." - YorkPepperMintPaddy
Some crossed their fingers, hoping that this relationship and its associated friendships would soon be a thing of the past.
"Why do you think he’s 30 and still not married? And this is not dark humor; this is being intentionally cruel."
"My husband and I occasionally use dark humor, but we’ve never said anything close to this, as it’s an awful thing to say. Then he called his flying monkeys to jump your s**t."
"He is not mature enough for a relationship. Just dump him and find someone better."
"You’re not being too sensitive; he’s just straight up being an a**hole, with no respect for you whatsoever. Kick him out of your life and never look back." - Shadow4summer
"The boyfriend getting all of his bros to gaslight her is definitely the obvious next step for doubling down on jokes about OP’s mom."
"It’s so tragic to lose a parent at that age. This guy should have been dropped already." - Amazing-Software4098
"He's disrespecting both you and your mother. All of the mean things (not 'jokes') he's said are breakup-worthy. The d**k can't be that good." - roseofjuly
"OP, how are you STILL with this guy?? Leave his sorry a**!" - SameSherbet3
"This is so gross of him, and then him saying, 'This is on you because this is just how I am, and you knew what you were getting yourself into,' makes it SO much worse."
"His disrespectful behavior is beyond infuriating, and I would have dumped him right there at the party in front of everybody!" - Lucky-Berry-4252
The subReddit was disgusted with the OP's boyfriend for making such crude jokes and hoped that she wouldn't give him another chance to so deeply disrespect her and her mother's memory.
