A lot of brides and grooms plan their weddings around an aesthetic.
There are usually very specific colors and looks they want.
This is especially true for the wedding party.
The wedding party is tasked with adhering to special details.
And certain requests don't always go over swimmingly.
Redditor Careless_Half_9377 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA I refuse to grow out my hair for my sister wedding?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My sister is planning her wedding, and I am someone who doesn’t wear dresses or makeup."
"I have really short hair."
"My sister told me that if I don’t wear a dress, I won’t be part of her wedding, and it has to be a certain type of dress."
"I told her I would wear one just for her and possibly makeup (I don’t like the feel of makeup)."
"Now she wants me to grow out my hair."
"I told her that I would just wear a wig."
"She says it’s dumb and wouldn’t look right."
"I told her once again I won’t grow out my hair."
"She thinks I could grow it out to my shoulder for a compromise, but I told her no."
"It’s something I won’t do."
"Now she's mad and says it’s her special day."
"I got mad (which is something I probably shouldn’t have done), told her that her special day is only a couple of hours for one day."
"For me to grow out my hair would take months, something I won’t do."
"She ran to my parents, and now my mom is trying to convince me to grow it."
"My parents and her told me we should come back to this conversation and hope I change my mind before the wedding in a year."
"I don’t want to be an a**."
"Should I just grow it?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, flip the question, ask if she’d seriously have a buzz cut for your wedding if you insisted on it, and how ludicrous a suggestion it is." ~ Urbanyeti0
"I doubt the sister will answer that."
"She'll probably turn the issue back to her."
"OP, you already agreed to wear the dress and make-up as a compromise, but your sister was pushing too hard with your hair."
"She's being greedy. Only made it worse when you dragged your parents into it to gang up on you."
"They don't respect you at all. Which is even more reason to stand your ground." ~ IceSeeker
"I would tell my sister that she has two options: either the dress and light make-up (light is usually better and more natural anyway) with the current hair, or longer hair, no make-up, and no dress."
"If she goes the hair then tries to pull a stunt with hair and make up on the day, play along but have a change of outfit, and duck to the toilet to remove the make up before the ceremony starts, then join the rest of the guests." ~ Environmental_Art591
"NTA. You’re not a prop in your sister’s wedding, and it’s ridiculous for her and your parents to expect you to change months and months of your life just for her wedding."
"Also, your hair probably isn’t going to get to shoulder length that quickly." ~ Outrageous-Tour-682
"NTA, but step down from your role."
"Just go as a guest, don't be in the wedding party. Her request won't stop at your hair, clothes, and makeup."
"It will be much more ridiculous entitled things if she believes that growing out your hair is a valid request." ~ Midiusa
"This. Imagine all the money saved when you don't have to go for a full-blown bachelorette weekend and all the other stuff that she'll expect from you."
"Or when you can pick your own outfit, within your own budget, to your own comfort."
"All the drama that you will watch happening from the sideline."
"Chances are she's gonna be a zilla sooner or later, if she's already so involved in your looks and the wedding is a whole year from now." ~ EatThisSh*t
"This. Staying in the wedding means struggling for the next months (?) year(s)? to keep your boundaries. "
"They might push back on you dropping out of the wedding party, but at least it’s just the one battle to fight, and then hopefully you’ll be done." ~ glib_result
"No. She is body-shaming you."
"Tell her you’d be happy to come as a guest."
"I think you are more compromised by offering to wear a wig!" ~ TheSilliestMoose
"NTA. This is weird."
"I would never ask my sibling to change a part of themselves just for my wedding???"
"Because I like them the way they are." ~ bananacowlady
"NTA, 100%".
"I prefer to keep my hair short, but I'm really bad at actually going to get haircuts, so I usually end up getting the winter growth chopped off in April."
"When my sister got married in a June ceremony, she asked me if I would consider holding off my haircut until after the ceremony, because she liked doing my hair and wanted to French braid it."
"But it was just a request, not a demand."
"I wasn't even in the wedding; she just wanted to have a moment together as sisters."
"She wouldn't have been mad if I'd said sorry, dude, I can't deal with this for another 2 months." ~ Dali_Laa_Laa
"NTA. You're trying to be reasonable, and she keeps moving the goalposts."
"This is extremely manipulative."
"If she doesn't want you in her wedding, fine."
"That's entirely her decision."
"It's a shame she's so petty and focused on minor nonsense instead of on her upcoming marriage, but unfortunately, a lot of brides get sucked into this weird controlling mindset where they start believing that if every single detail doesn't conform perfectly to their imagination, their wedding will be 'ruined.'"
"And the more people agree to do, the more they demand as proof of devotion."
"The only people truly capable of ruining her wedding are herself and her fiancé, if they make bad choices."
"I hope for the sake of your relationship that she makes good ones." ~ FewRecognition1788
"NTA. Just decline to be in her wedding party."
"She's trying to turn you into someone you're not."
"Why be a prop when she can find someone who already meets her photo standards?" ~ CatsMom4Ever
"NTA. If you’re in her wedding, she can choose the dress, but that’s as far as it goes."
"If you’re a guest, she can’t dictate anything, and it’s honestly really rude that she’s trying to."
"I would never try to change my sister’s looks for my wedding. "
"Frankly, it’s weird she cares so much." ~ manic_popsicle
"NTA, I mean, you already compromised her by saying you’ll wear a dress and makeup, which isn’t your cup of tea."
"As well as a wig, which in my opinion is a great option!!!!"
"The problem I fear is that she doesn’t seem to understand your boundaries."
"I won’t say she doesn’t care, cuz I don’t know her, but I think you could set some baseline with her next time if you're uncomfortable with the idea." ~ Grand_Landscape_8874
"NTA. I would probably decline being in the wedding party."
"It might be easier to be a guest." ~ Present-Assignment99
"NTA, forcing someone to change their haircut (especially a seemingly completely innocent one that you wear on a normal basis) is completely unreasonable, especially given that it would be asking you to change your own fashion preferences for over a year."
"They're being silly." ~ Animaloffear56
"NTA. You don't owe it to your sister to change your appearance for HER day."
"You're not marrying her fiancé, she is."
"A nice wig is a good compromise; she's being controlling, and your parents are encouraging this bullsh*t."
"Tell them you'd be happy to just be a guest and read a poem or contribute to the ceremony in some other meaningful way."
"Since you would rather maintain your autonomy, it's best to sit this one out as a bridesmaid, and just be a guest." ~ dazednconfusedxo
"NTA. She asked, you said no. Her trying to cajole you into changing your mind and running to your parents makes her the wrong one here."
"You already offered to wear a wig, and wigs today can look fantastic. No need to revisit this in a year when you've already said no." ~ NeedsMoreYellow
"NTA, Body Boundaries."
"Literally kid sh*t, you can ask someone to wear something for an occasion, but asking them to either grow or cut their hair (unless you have insanely unkempt hair) is unreasonable." ~ ScrimmularBingular
"NTA Brides and their 'perfect aesthetic' are pathetic."
"Seriously, what is more important, having people you love that support you in your wedding or having some shallow Instagram post?"
"You have offered to wear the dress and get the makeup... that is more than nice."
"IF, and it sounds like a big IF, she truly wanted YOU in her wedding, she would be accepting of who you are."
"She doesn't want you; she wants the perfect image without the questions of why she didn't include her own sister in the wedding party."
"Call her out for what it is... her wanting to project an image and not truly wanting you."
"She can take you with a wig (which is way too much to ask, honestly) or not at all."
"Don't let them browbeat you."
"Good luck, she is going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fun during this wedding planning."
"Personally, I would take the out as soon as it comes." ~ Odd-End-1405
Reddit with you, OP.
This is an outrageous demand.
Your sister doesn't get to control your hair growth for a year.
Stay strong and good luck.
