While the world is thankfully becoming a more accessible place to live, people with handicaps and disabilities often find themselves at places that might pose some sort of problem for them.
Surprising as it may seem, there are still far too many buildings that are not handicap accessible, or amenable to people of all sizes.
Forcing certain individuals into possibly humiliating situations that they wish they could avoid.
Redditor Organic-Lie5 was enjoying a night out at the movies with a friend of his.
When it came time to head home, the original poster (OP)’s friend found herself having trouble buckling her seatbelt.
The OP’s friend was more than fine riding home without the added protection, the OP was not willing to take that risk, refusing to start his car until his friend’s seatbelt was buckled.
While the OP’s friend was finally able to buckle her seatbelt, the matter was far from resolved in her eyes.
Wondering if they didn’t handle the situation as they should have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not driving until my overweight friend buckled her seatbelt?”
The OP explained why they didn’t feel comfortable starting their car, despite his friend’s embarrassment:
“This is exactly as it sounds.”
“My friend (29 F[emale]) and I (27 M[ale]) decided to hang out, and I picked her up.”
“I have a smaller car, but she is easily around 400 lbs.”
“We drove around, watched a movie, and decided to end it with a stop by a local diner.”
“We had a really nice time, and after we paid and got back in the car, I buckled up and noticed she was having trouble.”
“She couldn’t get the seatbelt to click into the seat, and I even tried to help her.”
‘It was close, but she started insisting that we just drive off.”
“She was heavily embarassed but I was insisting that I was not going to leave until she buckled.”
“It was not safe and I didn’t feel comfortable.”
“I ended up trying a bit more and was able to click in the seatbelt.”
“I felt really bad about making her go through that embarrassment, but I wanted to make sure that we were both safe.”
“The drive back to her place was quiet and a little uncomfortable.”
“I tried to assure her that it was okay and that she didn’t have to be embarrassed, trying to make her feel better but she was brushing it off.”
“We ended the night awkward and I felt really bad.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to start his car till his friend buckled her seatbelt.
Everyone agreed that even if they could understand the embarrassment of the OP’s friend, he was right not to start till she buckled up, as he was only thinking of her safety, with some offering some possible solutions should this problem arise again:
“Not wearing a seat belt where I live will get the driver a $1200 fine, regard of who is not wearing the seatbelt.”
“NTA.”- lifelearnlove
“Crash investigator here.”
“I don’t give the beginnings of a F*CK how embarrassing anybody finds a seat belt.”
“Wear it or walk.”
“NTA.”- RyansBooze
“NTA.”
“It sucks that you had a problem with the seatbelt, but if you start driving with a belt not buckled, then you’ll get a ticket for it in addition to your passenger.”
“Not to mention the possible risk.”
“Pro tip: If there’s trouble with buckling the belt, make sure the seat is all the way back and then recline it.”
“That gives as much space as possible to get the belt buckled, then you can raise the seat and move it back forward again.”- IAndaraB
“NTA.”
“I won’t drive until everyone is buckled in, either.”
“One of my son’s friends was overweight enough that he struggled with buckling the seatbelt, so now we keep a seatbelt extender in the glove box, in case anyone needs it.”
“It’s come in handy a few times over the years.”- SnarkyBeanBroth
“NTA.”
“My brother’s friend was flung from a car that rolled and died while my brother and the driver of the car held him because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.”
“His father sided with the driver and told the DA to not file charges because his son would’ve lived if he wore a seatbelt.”- Difficult-Issue-794
“You felt bad?”
“Really?”
“I bet your friend will feel bad if you get fined hundreds of $ for driving with a passenger who doesn’t have a seatbelt on, and I bet she will be very eager to pay you back that money too.”
“NTA.”- forgeris
“NTA.”
“If you have a crash the last thing you want is an unrestrained 400lb of weight bouncing around inside your car – and that’s ignoring her own safety which is important too.”- mattyprice4004
“NTA.”
“I don’t feel like an explanation is needed, but f*ck it.”
“If you’re driving, you’re responsible for your passengers safety.”
“It’s your choice whether you are willing to drive someone around who doesn’t want to wear a seat belt.”
“Your car, your rules.”
“If she doesn’t like it, she can get out and walk.”
“At 400 lbs, I feel like this is a problem she’s likely to have experienced before, if so, it’s her responsibility to have a belt extender that she can use.”
“Especially if she knew she was getting a ride.”- Dave_Ex_Machina
“NTA.”
“I have only two rules in my car.”
“No messy foods and no smoking.”
“Seatbelts are buckled before the car moves.”
“I won’t take the parking brake off until everyone is buckled.”- joe-h2o
“NTA, in case of an accident her not being buckled in could cost you your life too.”- snoozer39
“NTA.”
“I know how problematic some seatbelts are, I weigh 400lbs myself and know too well the struggles with short seatbelts in smaller cars.”
“But even if it might be embarrasing, I do not drive without a seatbelt and refuse to drive around with anyone doing that, I value my life and the life of everyone in the car a lot more than saving myself a bit of embarrassment or giving in to someones ‘pride’.”- dnielbloqg
“NTA.”
“I think you showed a person, whom many people dehumanize, that she is important and her safety matters to you.”
“You also modeled for her that your own safety matters.”- IFoundSelf
There were a few, however, who agreed the OP was right to prioritize his friend’s safety, but also sympathized with his friend, feeling his determination for her to fasten up only made her embarrassment worse.
“NAH.”
“You’re completely right that she needed to be buckled in, it’s legally required and it’s common sense in case of an accident.”
“However, I feel for her, she was embarrassed and, in that moment, not buckling up seemed the easiest way to end the humiliation to her, logic probably didn’t come much into it.”
“I can’t call her the AH for that.”
“I feel bad that she was embarrassed but you did the right thing and you were kind about what happened.”
“You’re a good friend.”- strawberrypops
“NAH.”
“Because while you are obviously not wrong to require her to be buckled before you drive, I think everyone here is being too hard on your friend.”
“There’s a lot of focus on the embarrassment but if it was that hard to buckle it was probably physically uncomfortable and maybe even painful for her when it did finally get buckled.”
“I don’t blame her for not wanting that, though in the future she should probably get a seatbelt adapter or something.”- Legal-Law9214
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment and offer their suggestions, while also taking a moment to call out those whose reactions were less than kind to his friend:
“Hey guys, I appreciate the comments.”
“I think getting a seatbelt extender to keep in my glovebox sounds like a great idea.”
“And as for my friend, she is working on losing weight and has been for a while.”
“This situation occurred many months ago but has been on my mind since.”
“I don’t appreciate any comments that dehumanize her based on her weight.”
“And you shouldn’t assume things you don’t know (i.e. that she isn’t doing something about her weight).”
While the OP was thinking about his friend’s safety, and not making a commentary about her weight, it’s not at all surprising that that is where her mind immediately went to.
While a seatbelt extension will certainly solve the problem of securely buckling her seatbelt, the OP’s friend might not appreciate the fact that he has to take it out just for her when he rides in her car.
Something she may grow to overlook if the OP makes it clear that he is her friend, first and foremost, and always looking out for her.