Shopping for wedding presents is usually a fun and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
Namely, because no one needs to worry so much about whether or not the bride and groom will like their gift, as they've already made it clear what they want by opening up a registry.
One question to which there is no concrete answer when it comes to wedding gifts is whether or not one should feel compelled to give a present if they weren't invited... or weren't attending the wedding.
Redditor Then-Cupcake2999 was initially thrilled to be invited to a friend's wedding and went above and beyond when getting them a wedding present.
Much to the original poster (OP)'s surprise, however, they found their invitation revoked shortly thereafter.
Seriously putting into question what he should do about the wedding present.
Wondering if he made the right decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not giving a wedding present I promised because I was uninvited?"
The OP explained how after being uninvited to a wedding, he had a change of heart about the wedding present he planned to give the bride and groom.
"I (32 M[ale]) was invited to a wedding of an acquaintance of mine named Molly a few months ago."
"I'm not super close to her or her fiancé, but I love weddings, so I said yeah, I'll go."
"Now, the relevant part here is that I have a very good career and make an excellent living."
"Plus, I love giving gifts and splurging a bit."
"So, I spoke with Molly and her fiancé and promised them a custom-made gaming pc since they game together."
"They were very happy and thanked me a lot."
"The price of the pc would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor I was willing to throw in."
"Two months ago, Molly told me that, unfortunately, I had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost-cutting measure."
"She apologized but assured me it was only because of cost."
"I was upset, but let it go."
"Then I found out a week or so later from a mutual acquaintance that was still going that Molly told her she had to cut people because she needed the invites for some of the groom's family who decided to come."
"I was pissed, so I decided not to give Molly the PC I promised."
"Molly's wedding happened two weeks ago, and from what I can tell, it was a nice ceremony."
"Afterward, she actually texted me asking if we can talk about when the pc would arrive."
"I asked if we could call, and she said yes."
"I told her that since I didn't go to the wedding, I wasn't going to get her a gift."
"We had a long argument, where she said I was being petty and that I was holding it against her that I couldn't come and that I made a promise."
"I didn't tell her what I knew because I wanted to protect the person who told me."
"She called me a petty AH and complained to our friend group."
"I explained to a few select people the whole story; most agreed with me, but some said that weddings cause people to make very tough decisions that aren't personal."
"Now I'm doubting myself, maybe it wasn't personal, and I'm just being petty, but she did lie to me and uninvited me while still expecting an expensive gift from me."
"So reddit, AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not following through on the wedding present he promised Molly and her husband.
Everyone agreed that after not only being uninvited but lied to, the OP was under no obligation to give Molly such an expensive and lavish wedding present.
"Molly is delusional if she expects an acquaintance who was uninvited to give a gift still."
"NTA."- Lanasoverit
"NTA, who the hell expects a gift from someone they uninvited?!"- Stunning-Hedgehog-30
"Of course you're NTA."
"It is unbelievably tacky to demand an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding."
"ETA: just tell her that as a cost-cutting measure, you're only giving wedding gifts to people whose weddings you're invited to attend, and even then, only if they don't rescind the invitation."-Dittoheadforever
"NTA."
"Wedding presents are commonly given by wedding guests and close family & friends."
"You weren't any of those things."
"And on that note, you aren't particularly close, so why did she invite you, other than your generous reputation?"
"Seems to me she tried to pull a fast one and failed."- Mindless-Locksmith76
"NTA."
"She's got some nerve uninviting you and expect a reward for it."- Major_Barnacle_2212
"NTA."
"Molly sounds like an entitled brat."
"Are you kidding me?"
"You offered to give them an INCREDIBLY generous gift, and they disinvited you."
"I would assume that being uninvited means the present is no longer coming."- Anal-Churros
"NTA, she's out of her mind thinking she's entitled to a $1,500+ gift after uninviting you last minute."
"She needs a reality check."
"The gift was a WEDDING gift, not obligated anymore since you didn't attend."- allieadventurer
"NTA."
"She doesn't see you as good enough to invite to her wedding but believes you're close enough you just hand over a $1500 gift......nahhhhh."
"Plus, I feel you would feel better about it if he didn't lie."- thea**holethrowawa
"That's hilarious."
"She uninvited you but still expected the expensive present?"
"Send them a pickle fork set."
"NTA."- changelingcd
"NTA."
"You aren't important enough to be on the wedding 'A' list, then they aren't important enough for a pricey gift (or any gift really)."
'You were not a guest at the wedding; therefore, you aren't expected (etiquette-wise) to give a gift."
"Guess they should have left out groom's 3rd cousin's half-brother's girlfriend."- Foggy_Radish
"NTA."
"Molly is not entitled to any gift."
"She has some nerve even to ask."- wickedlucky214
"NTA."
"Also insane that you'd give someone a $1500 PC, and even more insane that someone would un-invite a person who is ready to give you that."
"What's your address so I can mail you an invitation to my wedding?"- RoyMcAv0y
"NTA."
"I think it's super weird to uninvite someone from a wedding in that way."
"She comes across as a money-grubber."- cryptoglyph7
"NTA."
"Normally expensive wedding gifts are given by people who attend."
"Or people who wanted to but couldn't attend."
"If you un-invite someone, you can't expect a 1500$ gift from them."- Schafer_Isaac
"NTA."
"If she wanted the gift so badly, she could have invited you."
"It's literally the least she could do for you for providing such a generous gift."
"I never expected gifts when I got married, and I certainly would never expect someone to give me a gift who I invited and then uninvited because they weren't important enough to me."
"Sounds like Molly was inviting your computer to come to her wedding. Unfortunately, no plus 1's allowed, so you couldn't come."- Penguin_Doctor
"NTA."
"You're under no obligation to give a gift for a wedding you're not invited to."
"Inviting someone and then uninviting them is the height of tackiness."
"Molly should be ashamed of herself."- Ajstross
"NTA."
"Gifts usually are given when you attend a wedding."
"If you're not important enough to be invited, you're certainly not obligated to provide an expensive gift."- Username19611691
"Looks like you're saving money, too, lol."
"NTA."- IamIrene
"NTA."
"Another case of the so-called injured party accusing the op of what they themselves are, petty and made a promise."
"Reneging on the invitation and still expecting an expensive gift is petty and greedy."
"All you did was uninvite the gift."- Ghitit
"NTA."
"I cannot imagine even asking under any circumstances, much less after uninviting someone."
"Tacky."- lovely_aria_ann
"NTA."
"Molly sounds so entitled."
"Like she uninvited you and has the nerve to demand a gift that costs tons of money."
"In my country, people usually just gift money (which we call lucky money) to the bride and groom, and ONLY WHO HAS BEEN INVITED COME WITH MONEY/GIFT."- Meiixx
"NTA."
"It's her wedding. She can invite whoever she wants or even uninvite."
"But you're absolutely not expected to give wedding presents when you're not attending it."-Kephri1337
Perhaps after learning she and her new husband weren't getting the PC they were promised, Molly had a slight idea of how the OP felt when his invitation was rescinded.
One also can't help but wonder why Molly didn't think more carefully about disinviting the OP, knowing he was going to give her such a generous gift.
Perhaps if Molly makes amends with the OP sooner rather than later, she and her husband might still get the PC at a future baby shower.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.