Shopping for wedding presents is usually a fun and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
Namely, because no one needs to worry so much about whether or not the bride and groom will like their gift, as they've already made it clear what they want by opening up a registry.
One question to which there is no concrete answer when it comes to wedding gifts is whether or not one should feel compelled to give a present if they weren't invited... or weren't attending the wedding.
Redditor Then-Cupcake2999 was initially thrilled to be invited to a friend's wedding and went above and beyond when getting them a wedding present.
Much to the original poster (OP)'s surprise, however, they found their invitation revoked shortly thereafter.
Seriously putting into question what he should do about the wedding present.
Wondering if he made the right decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not giving a wedding present I promised because I was uninvited?"
The OP explained how after being uninvited to a wedding, he had a change of heart about the wedding present he planned to give the bride and groom.
"I (32 M[ale]) was invited to a wedding of an acquaintance of mine named Molly a few months ago."
"I'm not super close to her or her fiancé, but I love weddings, so I said yeah, I'll go."
"Now, the relevant part here is that I have a very good career and make an excellent living."
"Plus, I love giving gifts and splurging a bit."
"So, I spoke with Molly and her fiancé and promised them a custom-made gaming pc since they game together."
"They were very happy and thanked me a lot."
"The price of the pc would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor I was willing to throw in."
"Two months ago, Molly told me that, unfortunately, I had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost-cutting measure."
"She apologized but assured me it was only because of cost."
"I was upset, but let it go."
"Then I found out a week or so later from a mutual acquaintance that was still going that Molly told her she had to cut people because she needed the invites for some of the groom's family who decided to come."
"I was pissed, so I decided not to give Molly the PC I promised."
"Molly's wedding happened two weeks ago, and from what I can tell, it was a nice ceremony."
"Afterward, she actually texted me asking if we can talk about when the pc would arrive."
"I asked if we could call, and she said yes."
"I told her that since I didn't go to the wedding, I wasn't going to get her a gift."
"We had a long argument, where she said I was being petty and that I was holding it against her that I couldn't come and that I made a promise."
"I didn't tell her what I knew because I wanted to protect the person who told me."
"She called me a petty AH and complained to our friend group."
"I explained to a few select people the whole story; most agreed with me, but some said that weddings cause people to make very tough decisions that aren't personal."
"Now I'm doubting myself, maybe it wasn't personal, and I'm just being petty, but she did lie to me and uninvited me while still expecting an expensive gift from me."
"So reddit, AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not following through on the wedding present he promised Molly and her husband.
Everyone agreed that after not only being uninvited but lied to, the OP was under no obligation to give Molly such an expensive and lavish wedding present.
"Molly is delusional if she expects an acquaintance who was uninvited to give a gift still."
"NTA."- Lanasoverit
"NTA, who the hell expects a gift from someone they uninvited?!"- Stunning-Hedgehog-30
"Of course you're NTA."
"It is unbelievably tacky to demand an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding."
"ETA: just tell her that as a cost-cutting measure, you're only giving wedding gifts to people whose weddings you're invited to attend, and even then, only if they don't rescind the invitation."-Dittoheadforever
"NTA."
"Wedding presents are commonly given by wedding guests and close family & friends."
"You weren't any of those things."
"And on that note, you aren't particularly close, so why did she invite you, other than your generous reputation?"
"Seems to me she tried to pull a fast one and failed."- Mindless-Locksmith76
"NTA."
"She's got some nerve uninviting you and expect a reward for it."- Major_Barnacle_2212
"NTA."
"Molly sounds like an entitled brat."
"Are you kidding me?"
"You offered to give them an INCREDIBLY generous gift, and they disinvited you."
"I would assume that being uninvited means the present is no longer coming."- Anal-Churros
"NTA, she's out of her mind thinking she's entitled to a $1,500+ gift after uninviting you last minute."
"She needs a reality check."
"The gift was a WEDDING gift, not obligated anymore since you didn't attend."- allieadventurer
"NTA."
"She doesn't see you as good enough to invite to her wedding but believes you're close enough you just hand over a $1500 gift......nahhhhh."
"Plus, I feel you would feel better about it if he didn't lie."- thea**holethrowawa
"That's hilarious."
"She uninvited you but still expected the expensive present?"
"Send them a pickle fork set."
"NTA."- changelingcd
"NTA."
"You aren't important enough to be on the wedding 'A' list, then they aren't important enough for a pricey gift (or any gift really)."
'You were not a guest at the wedding; therefore, you aren't expected (etiquette-wise) to give a gift."
"Guess they should have left out groom's 3rd cousin's half-brother's girlfriend."- Foggy_Radish
"NTA."
"Molly is not entitled to any gift."
"She has some nerve even to ask."- wickedlucky214
"NTA."
"Also insane that you'd give someone a $1500 PC, and even more insane that someone would un-invite a person who is ready to give you that."
"What's your address so I can mail you an invitation to my wedding?"- RoyMcAv0y
"NTA."
"I think it's super weird to uninvite someone from a wedding in that way."
"She comes across as a money-grubber."- cryptoglyph7
"NTA."
"Normally expensive wedding gifts are given by people who attend."
"Or people who wanted to but couldn't attend."
"If you un-invite someone, you can't expect a 1500$ gift from them."- Schafer_Isaac
"NTA."
"If she wanted the gift so badly, she could have invited you."
"It's literally the least she could do for you for providing such a generous gift."
"I never expected gifts when I got married, and I certainly would never expect someone to give me a gift who I invited and then uninvited because they weren't important enough to me."
"Sounds like Molly was inviting your computer to come to her wedding. Unfortunately, no plus 1's allowed, so you couldn't come."- Penguin_Doctor
"NTA."
"You're under no obligation to give a gift for a wedding you're not invited to."
"Inviting someone and then uninviting them is the height of tackiness."
"Molly should be ashamed of herself."- Ajstross
"NTA."
"Gifts usually are given when you attend a wedding."
"If you're not important enough to be invited, you're certainly not obligated to provide an expensive gift."- Username19611691
"Looks like you're saving money, too, lol."
"NTA."- IamIrene
"NTA."
"Another case of the so-called injured party accusing the op of what they themselves are, petty and made a promise."
"Reneging on the invitation and still expecting an expensive gift is petty and greedy."
"All you did was uninvite the gift."- Ghitit
"NTA."
"I cannot imagine even asking under any circumstances, much less after uninviting someone."
"Tacky."- lovely_aria_ann
"NTA."
"Molly sounds so entitled."
"Like she uninvited you and has the nerve to demand a gift that costs tons of money."
"In my country, people usually just gift money (which we call lucky money) to the bride and groom, and ONLY WHO HAS BEEN INVITED COME WITH MONEY/GIFT."- Meiixx
"NTA."
"It's her wedding. She can invite whoever she wants or even uninvite."
"But you're absolutely not expected to give wedding presents when you're not attending it."-Kephri1337
Perhaps after learning she and her new husband weren't getting the PC they were promised, Molly had a slight idea of how the OP felt when his invitation was rescinded.
One also can't help but wonder why Molly didn't think more carefully about disinviting the OP, knowing he was going to give her such a generous gift.
Perhaps if Molly makes amends with the OP sooner rather than later, she and her husband might still get the PC at a future baby shower.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.