Shopping for wedding presents is usually a fun and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
Namely, because no one needs to worry so much about whether or not the bride and groom will like their gift, as they’ve already made it clear what they want by opening up a registry.
One question to which there is no concrete answer when it comes to wedding gifts is whether or not one should feel compelled to give a present if they weren’t invited… or weren’t attending the wedding.
Redditor Then-Cupcake2999 was initially thrilled to be invited to a friend’s wedding and went above and beyond when getting them a wedding present.
Much to the original poster (OP)’s surprise, however, they found their invitation revoked shortly thereafter.
Seriously putting into question what he should do about the wedding present.
Wondering if he made the right decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not giving a wedding present I promised because I was uninvited?”
The OP explained how after being uninvited to a wedding, he had a change of heart about the wedding present he planned to give the bride and groom.
“I (32 M[ale]) was invited to a wedding of an acquaintance of mine named Molly a few months ago.”
“I’m not super close to her or her fiancé, but I love weddings, so I said yeah, I’ll go.”
“Now, the relevant part here is that I have a very good career and make an excellent living.”
“Plus, I love giving gifts and splurging a bit.”
“So, I spoke with Molly and her fiancé and promised them a custom-made gaming pc since they game together.”
“They were very happy and thanked me a lot.”
“The price of the pc would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor I was willing to throw in.”
“Two months ago, Molly told me that, unfortunately, I had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost-cutting measure.”
“She apologized but assured me it was only because of cost.”
“I was upset, but let it go.”
“Then I found out a week or so later from a mutual acquaintance that was still going that Molly told her she had to cut people because she needed the invites for some of the groom’s family who decided to come.”
“I was pissed, so I decided not to give Molly the PC I promised.”
“Molly’s wedding happened two weeks ago, and from what I can tell, it was a nice ceremony.”
“Afterward, she actually texted me asking if we can talk about when the pc would arrive.”
“I asked if we could call, and she said yes.”
“I told her that since I didn’t go to the wedding, I wasn’t going to get her a gift.”
“We had a long argument, where she said I was being petty and that I was holding it against her that I couldn’t come and that I made a promise.”
“I didn’t tell her what I knew because I wanted to protect the person who told me.”
“She called me a petty AH and complained to our friend group.”
“I explained to a few select people the whole story; most agreed with me, but some said that weddings cause people to make very tough decisions that aren’t personal.”
“Now I’m doubting myself, maybe it wasn’t personal, and I’m just being petty, but she did lie to me and uninvited me while still expecting an expensive gift from me.”
“So reddit, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not following through on the wedding present he promised Molly and her husband.
Everyone agreed that after not only being uninvited but lied to, the OP was under no obligation to give Molly such an expensive and lavish wedding present.
“Molly is delusional if she expects an acquaintance who was uninvited to give a gift still.”
“NTA.”- Lanasoverit
“NTA, who the hell expects a gift from someone they uninvited?!”- Stunning-Hedgehog-30
“Of course you’re NTA.”
“It is unbelievably tacky to demand an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding.”
“ETA: just tell her that as a cost-cutting measure, you’re only giving wedding gifts to people whose weddings you’re invited to attend, and even then, only if they don’t rescind the invitation.”-Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“Wedding presents are commonly given by wedding guests and close family & friends.”
“You weren’t any of those things.”
“And on that note, you aren’t particularly close, so why did she invite you, other than your generous reputation?”
“Seems to me she tried to pull a fast one and failed.”- Mindless-Locksmith76
“NTA.”
“She’s got some nerve uninviting you and expect a reward for it.”- Major_Barnacle_2212
“NTA.”
“Molly sounds like an entitled brat.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“You offered to give them an INCREDIBLY generous gift, and they disinvited you.”
“I would assume that being uninvited means the present is no longer coming.”- Anal-Churros
“NTA, she’s out of her mind thinking she’s entitled to a $1,500+ gift after uninviting you last minute.”
“She needs a reality check.”
“The gift was a WEDDING gift, not obligated anymore since you didn’t attend.”- allieadventurer
“NTA.”
“She doesn’t see you as good enough to invite to her wedding but believes you’re close enough you just hand over a $1500 gift……nahhhhh.”
“Plus, I feel you would feel better about it if he didn’t lie.”- thea**holethrowawa
“That’s hilarious.”
“She uninvited you but still expected the expensive present?”
“Send them a pickle fork set.”
“NTA.”- changelingcd
“NTA.”
“You aren’t important enough to be on the wedding ‘A’ list, then they aren’t important enough for a pricey gift (or any gift really).”
‘You were not a guest at the wedding; therefore, you aren’t expected (etiquette-wise) to give a gift.”
“Guess they should have left out groom’s 3rd cousin’s half-brother’s girlfriend.”- Foggy_Radish
“NTA.”
“Molly is not entitled to any gift.”
“She has some nerve even to ask.”- wickedlucky214
“NTA.”
“Also insane that you’d give someone a $1500 PC, and even more insane that someone would un-invite a person who is ready to give you that.”
“What’s your address so I can mail you an invitation to my wedding?”- RoyMcAv0y
“NTA.”
“I think it’s super weird to uninvite someone from a wedding in that way.”
“She comes across as a money-grubber.”- cryptoglyph7
“NTA.”
“Normally expensive wedding gifts are given by people who attend.”
“Or people who wanted to but couldn’t attend.”
“If you un-invite someone, you can’t expect a 1500$ gift from them.”- Schafer_Isaac
“NTA.”
“If she wanted the gift so badly, she could have invited you.”
“It’s literally the least she could do for you for providing such a generous gift.”
“I never expected gifts when I got married, and I certainly would never expect someone to give me a gift who I invited and then uninvited because they weren’t important enough to me.”
“Sounds like Molly was inviting your computer to come to her wedding. Unfortunately, no plus 1’s allowed, so you couldn’t come.”- Penguin_Doctor
“NTA.”
“You’re under no obligation to give a gift for a wedding you’re not invited to.”
“Inviting someone and then uninviting them is the height of tackiness.”
“Molly should be ashamed of herself.”- Ajstross
“NTA.”
“Gifts usually are given when you attend a wedding.”
“If you’re not important enough to be invited, you’re certainly not obligated to provide an expensive gift.”- Username19611691
“Looks like you’re saving money, too, lol.”
“NTA.”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“Another case of the so-called injured party accusing the op of what they themselves are, petty and made a promise.”
“Reneging on the invitation and still expecting an expensive gift is petty and greedy.”
“All you did was uninvite the gift.”- Ghitit
“NTA.”
“I cannot imagine even asking under any circumstances, much less after uninviting someone.”
“Tacky.”- lovely_aria_ann
“NTA.”
“Molly sounds so entitled.”
“Like she uninvited you and has the nerve to demand a gift that costs tons of money.”
“In my country, people usually just gift money (which we call lucky money) to the bride and groom, and ONLY WHO HAS BEEN INVITED COME WITH MONEY/GIFT.”- Meiixx
“NTA.”
“It’s her wedding. She can invite whoever she wants or even uninvite.”
“But you’re absolutely not expected to give wedding presents when you’re not attending it.”-Kephri1337
Perhaps after learning she and her new husband weren’t getting the PC they were promised, Molly had a slight idea of how the OP felt when his invitation was rescinded.
One also can’t help but wonder why Molly didn’t think more carefully about disinviting the OP, knowing he was going to give her such a generous gift.
Perhaps if Molly makes amends with the OP sooner rather than later, she and her husband might still get the PC at a future baby shower.