When we walk by someone on the street with a completely different style than our own, it might be difficult not to pass some internal judgment.
But in moments like that, we must remind ourselves that everyone’s choice of clothing and cosmetic style is unique, and the only opinion that should matter is their own.
Even if we would never personally choose to dress, wear our hair, or make ourselves up in the same way.
The boyfriend of a recent Redditor had an eye-catching hairstyle, which did not meet the approval of his parents.
And they weren’t afraid to express their dissatisfaction at a public gathering, when the original poster (OP) felt she had no other choice but to stand up for him.
But worried that her behavior was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for silencing my boyfriend’s parents by letting my hair down.”
The OP explained how her boyfriend’s parents’ condemnation of his personal style eventually became too much for her to handle, resulting in her calling them out in a fairly public manner.
“My boyfriend (28 m[ale]) and i (27 F[emale]) have been living with each other for 5 years.”
“I encouraged him to keep his hair long when we met and since then he hasn’t had it cut, apart from trimming split ends.”
“His hair is thigh length, blonde and thick and me and him are both very happy with it.”
“His parents don’t hate his hair but they aren’t the most supportive of it.”
“They would always tell him to wear it in a bun or other styles to hide its incredible length whenever he was with them.”
“Last week we had out first family reunion since the pandemic and his parents hadn’t seen him in real life for 3 years.”
“Due to this they were unknowing about the real length of his hair as on zoom calls you cant see it fully.”
“His parents were not very happy he hadn’t had a hair cut and lectured him about how he was a boy, not a girl.”
“They told him if he wanted to go and fulfill his princess fantasies he should go live in a tower and wait for his prince to come.”
“I felt sick listening to them treat him like this but eventually I intervened.”
“Because I butted in they soon started on me and blamed his hair on me saying I shouldn’t encourage him to be someone he isn’t and that if I liked long hair so much I should grow it myself.”
“To which I responded by taking my waist length hair out of its bun and saying we both had long hair and they shouldn’t have a problem with it.”
“We went home that night both quite upset that his parents were so nasty about it and we went in all naive thinking they wouldn’t mind his stunning locks.”
“His family think I’m an AH for letting him grow his hair but I think it’s his hair, his choice what he does with it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community all but unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for clapping back at her boyfriend’s parents.
Nearly everyone agreed that the OP’s parents were being thoughtless and insensitive, and the only person who should have any say in how her boyfriend wore his hair was himself.
“It’s hair.”- 9okm
“No one but your boyfriend should have a say about his hair.”- DogsReadingBooks
“What is up with the whole ‘letting him’ language though.”
“It’s not a battle between you and his parents over who lets him do what… he’s 28 for christ’s sake.”
“So let him take the lead with dealing with his parents regarding this.”- Puzzleheaded-Big1680
“Good thing that you defended your boyfriend over his parents.”
“No one should be treated that way because it is their decision for themselves and not decided to either make it pleasing for others or for them to accept it.”- ur_bf-fs_1217
“‘And the sign said ‘”long haired freaky people need not apply”‘, so I tucked my hair up under my hat, and I went in to ask him why’.”
“‘He said “you look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you’ll do”.'”
“‘So I took off my hat, I said “imagine that. Huh! me working for you!” Whoa-oh-oh’.”
Sign, sign, everywhere a sign . . .
Oh NTA.- ComfortableSpell6600
“Parents have a funny way of expecting you to fit into their idea of who you are.”
“They see their son as a short haired business man or some such thing and his long hair destroys their mental image of him.”
“Instead of appreciating their son for who he is they shame him for having long hair.”
“What sh*t parents.”
“It’s hair for Pete’s sake!”- JayFabF*cko
“If you’ve been reading this sub, you know that everyone is always outraged when an SO tries to force someone to change their appearance.”
“It’s his body, his choice.”
“So even if you agreed with his family about his hair, and I know you don’t, it wouldn’t be your place to ‘let him’ grow his hair or cut it.”
“Why his family would assume he has no autonomy in this situation is beyond me.”
“If they are so heavy into stupid gender stereotypes you’d think they’d believe that the Man’s word is law, and you had no say in the hair length to begin with.”
“You’re NTA.”- DoodleLover20
“Bodily autonomy and all that.”
“Guys with long hair is one of my favorite aesthetics.”
“Girls with short hair is my second favorite.”- Limerase
“NTA the things his family said were absolutely disgusting.”- Flat_Lengthiness_319
“His hair, his choice what to do with it.”
“You sound like a great partner for backing him up :).”-Slip_Slip_Knit
“His parents sound transphobic.”
“You’re turning him into a girl and they can’t have that.”
“For the record that was sarcasm.”- Purple-Bat811
“He’s old enough to keep his hair how he wants.”
“If his parents don’t like it, well, that’s what happens sometimes when you have a kid because they’re not obligated to turn out exactly how their parents want.”
“If they want something without any of that troublesome ‘free will” nonsense, they can just buy a doll.”- Chance-Contract-1290
“Parents can be so toxic about their kids appearance.”- Bigdaddylovesfatties
“Just because his parents don’t like it doesn’t mean he has to comply with what they like.”-bufftbone
“They are sexist.”-Deucalion666
“The parents sound conservative.”
“It’s your bf’s choice to have long hair and you are amazing for supporting it.”-Pandarise
“Why the obsession with his hair?”
“Who the f cares?”- No-Locksmith-8590
“Oh wow, that’s like Barbie level length for both of you.”
“Must look pretty cool.”
“Too much pressure about having hair conform to societal expectations.”
“He wants it long?”
“Let him rock the Rapunzel look!”-purplehippobitches
“When I was a teenager (15 M) I had shoulder length hair.”
“I went to a wedding with my parents in a very rural area.”
“By the end of the reception every single one of the guests had come up to me and told me that they thought that I was a girl.”
“Me and my see through moustache were not impressed.”- Saint_of_Stinkers
“If I was your Boyfriend i’d be a bit pissy that my parents see me as being so under your heel that you’re dressing me up like a doll because I have no free will.”
“Did you possess your Boyfriend with your evil vagina witch magic or something and now he has to do everything you say?”- Wotzehell
There were a select few, however, who joined the parents of the OP’s boyfriend in disapproving of his lengthy hair.
“Why do you hate shower drains?”- BlueClouds42
“But you’re weird about hair.”
“That might not be helping.”-TherulerT
“My partner had long hair for 5 years.”
“Not thigh length, it was around laid-back length, curly and red, just stunning.”
“When he met my nephew who was five at the time, my nephew regurgitated some sexist line that he heard from his parents about ‘men are supposed to have short hair, are you a girl?'”
“Laughing at him, displaying bullying behavior that he sees from his parents.”
“Since he is into superheroes, I just said, ‘Thor has long hair and he is the god of thunder’.”
“Is Thor a girl?'”
“‘Aquaman also has long hair’.”
“‘I could see his thoughts all over his facial expressions while processing this.”
“He just turned away all confused and moved on like kids do when they’re processing sh*t lol.”
“I know his parents aren’t 5 years old, but maybe the example would question their idea of manliness and long hair?”
“Also, ask them if they think Neanderthals had buzz cuts.”
“Were THEY ‘girly?'”- jellytime0987
It’s hard to imagine why their sons hair could possibly matter so much to the OP’s boyfriend’s parents.
At least the OP is lucky enough to have a partner who will come to his defense without hesitiation.
And while this was undoubtably hard for them to notice at the moment, here’s hoping that the parent’s of the OP’s boyfriend might come to appreciate that their son found someone who loves him unconditionally for who he is.