A sense of humor is a vital characteristic for everyone to have.
This isn’t to say that everyone should be required to laugh at every joke.
Especially if certain jokes simply aren’t funny.
People accused of having no sense of humor are still very much correct to point out if a joke someone makes is offensive or tasteless.
As there are certain things that are simply no laughing matter.
Redditor weird_dreamer17 was looking forward to attending her boyfriend’s costume-themed birthday party.
Until the original poster (OP) learned who her boyfriend’s uncle intended on dressing up as.
An idea she feared she would likely have plenty to say about on the night of the party.
Concerned about how she might behave on the night of the party, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA/ ‘causing a scene’ at a costume party?”
The OP shared how she was horrified to learn about the costume choice of her boyfriend’s uncle at his upcoming costume party and was concerned she wouldn’t be able to hide her horror on the night of the party.
“So I 20 F[emale] am going to my boyfriend 21 M[ale] birthday party, I’ll call him L.”
“It’s a costume party with a theme of heroes and villains.”
“I decided to go as poison ivy.”
“Some other costumes include wonder woman, bonnie and Clyde etc.”
“L has just informed me that his uncles will be going as Winston Churchill and Hitler.”
“L loves his uncles, it’s a family event and his uncles are known to be controversial.”
“However I think there’s a difference between controversial and making a joke out of genocide.”
“Also it seems they think Churchill was a hero?”
“I’ve never met his extended family and I don’t know how everyone else will react.”
“However I don’t really feel like getting to know the uncles.”
“I let L know how I felt and that I wouldn’t be drinking because I know that the second I have the confidence to, I will want to confront them and that won’t end well for me or anyone else.”
“I don’t know what to do, to be honest, I want to yell and scream at them for being so insensitive and disgusting to make a joke out of something so morbid and at a FAMILY EVENT nonetheless.”
“There will be children there too!”
“L says I’m taking it too seriously but I think that makes him part of the problem.”
“I did not mean that I would yell at his uncles, only that I wouldn’t be drinking and I would not interact with them at all.”
“L thinks me not drinking is going to ruin my mood the whole night and therefore everyone will know I’m not happy about it and that will cause a scene.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole if she caused a scene at her boyfriend’s party.
Everyone agreed that the OP was justified in being horrified by the costume choice of her boyfriend’s uncle, with many urging the OP not to go to the party at all, or even leave her boyfriend owing to his apathy in the matter.
“Yeah, screw that.”
“‘Your uncle is dressing as *HITLER* for a costume party? I’m out’ is a totally fair reaction.”
“NTA, although you’re not even taking this seriously enough.”
“You should refuse to attend entirely.”
“This is absolutely insane, and the fact that your boyfriend is okay with someone dressed as Hitler at a party, especially his birthday party but really any party he’s at, is an incredibly serious red flag.”
“And even though ethics are obviously the most important thing here, I think you need to be aware that this could mess up your life.”
“If I saw pictures on social media of someone I knew, or their boyfriend tbh, at a party with someone dressed as Hitler, I would distance myself from them and not trust them in the future.”
“This could even ruin your friendships and career.”
“Idk who else is attending this party, but I can’t believe your bf doesn’t realize that the presence of someone dressed like that at a party would make many guests feel not just uncomfortable, but unsafe.”
“Like, physical danger, get out of here immediately and never trust anyone at this party again kind of unsafe.”
“Especially with a current rise of antisemitism, white nationalism, and fascist sentiments.”
“I would even suspect that the Hitler uncle even though saying he’s dressed as a ‘villain’ is doing this because on some level he wants to make people feel uncomfortable/unsafe.”
“I suggest having one last serious talk with your bf.”
“And if he doesn’t understand the issue, you should warn every potential guest at this party that this will be happening, and then refuse to attend.”- charonthemoon
“I wouldn’t cause a scene at the party, I would just not go at all.”
“It wouldn’t be okay with me to enter into a situation where is was considered the ‘proper thing’ to politely hang out, or even joke, dance, laugh with someone dressed as Hitler.”
“It would seriously make me question anyone who was willing to do that.”- Illustrious-Shirt569
“YWNBTA if you didn’t drink at the party and avoided the two uncles.”
“Also YWNBTA if you skipped the party altogether.”
“I am concerned that your boyfriend and his family don’t see anything wrong with their planned costumes.”- Wonderful_Judge115
“One more person telling you that pics from this party will haunt your ambitions and spoil your dreams.”
“If there’s a Nazi at the party, it’s a Nazi-tolerant party.”
“If you attend the party, then you are someone who tolerates Nazis.”
“Eyes on your whole future.”
“There are better boys.”- tactical_cakes
“If you really uncomfortable and she should be why just not go?”
“Let your boyfriend explain why you’re not there.”- Myobright2344
“If pictures of the party are released on SM you might be seen as condoning the behavior.”
“Personally, I would pass.”- nolzach
“Ask your bf if he is ready to be associated with someone who could go viral and lose everything?”-maryjayne9191
“‘Nazi’ isn’t an appropriate costume for anything that isn’t a film or stage production featuring Nazis portrayed as they actually were or worse.”
“You don’t wear a f*cking Hitler costume to a costume party unless you want to be assumed to be a Hitler sympathizer.”- Ryoukugan
“Regardless of the Hitler thing, the fact he thinks you not drinking will ‘ruin the mood’ is really concerning.”
“Too late to change your costume to a cyanide pill?”- vmt_nani
“Being in a picture where you’re being friendly to someone dressed as Hitler seems to be something that could hurt you for the rest of your life if it was ever shared online.”- HowieHow
“They are the a-holes for an extremely tasteless and inappropriate costume.”
“However, it sounds like you’re planning to go to an event specifically to yell at people, knowing that your boyfriend/the person the event is for would not support you.”
“This would likely be very counterproductive, educating people in a nuanced way Churchill isn’t a saint, and yelling at people at a costume party don’t mix, and you should reassess how you want to go about things here.”- Milskidasith
“My issue and worry is about the drinking comment.”
“I am concerned about why they would think alcohol or lack of you drink means you’re in a bad mood.”
“You have every right to not drink and has nothing to do with costumes or mood.”- Icekitten4u2love
“This has to be the biggest NTA that I’ve seen recently.”
“Wtf is wrong with them?”- MrSpaceOddity
“It’s never cool to go as Hitler.”- Professional_Grab513
“Hold up, it’s your boyfriend’s birthday party, he knows someone is coming dressed as Hitler and he’s not telling that person their costume is inappropriate or asking them to pick a different costume?”
“Look, you’re not an a-hole for taking issue with these guys, but this situation is covered in red flags.”
“This guy is close with two uncles who are known to be problematic and he doesn’t seem at all inclined to call them out, even when he’s hosting and/or the guest of honor at a party.”
“Would you really marry a man like that?”
“Marry into this family?”
“I suggest not going to the party and seriously reconsidering this relationship.”
“Don’t waste your 20’s with garbage people.”- VisualCelery
L’s uncle seemed to misunderstand what exactly a villain is.
A villain is a stock character, intended to cause conflict in a story, often with a sly amount of charm and fascination to them.
As such, dressing up as the Wicked Witch of the West or Darth Vader is acceptable because, however despicable their deeds, they were imaginary.
Adolf Hitler was not a stock character, but a dictator responsible for one of the largest instances of mass genocide the world has ever known.
As a result, there is no amount of irony which could make dressing up as Hitler acceptable.
Something L and his uncle will hopefully realize before the party.