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Woman Puzzled After Newly-Married Friend Demands To Bring Husband To ‘Galentine’s Party’

Group of women raising a toast
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Friendship group dynamics can evolve when a new significant other is in the picture, and life changes such as marriage can possibly ruin friendships for good.

A woman attempted to maintain a tradition despite one of her friends recent marriage, and it didn’t go so well. So she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit where she sought judgment from strangers online.

There, Redditor Fluffyycatt asked:

“AITA for not letting my friends husband come to my Galentine’s party?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Backstory: One of my (29/F[female]) best friends (32/F[female]) got married last spring. Since she got married, we have mostly group hangouts with her husband (38/M[ale]), my partner, and some other friends. Which is totally fine and fun!”

“Now: I have a Galentine’s party every year for my girlfriends. Usually, about 4-5 of us, and we all bring an appetizer and have wine, play some games, etc.”

“I texted the group to let them know, and everyone responded. My friend messaged me privately to say that if her husband can’t come, she can’t come and asked if he could come with her.”

“I normally would welcome him, but no one else’s husband or boyfriend will be there, and it just isn’t that kind of party, lol. I told her that no one else’s partners would be there, and she said that since being married, they are a ‘package’ deal and only attend things together.”

The OP continued:

“I told her I respected whatever arrangements they had in their marriage, and if she wasn’t able to attend, I understood. However, a few days later, a mutual friend told me that they talked, and she said she was hurt by the fact I wouldn’t invite him and felt I was being rude.”

“I do plan to talk to her about it, but I just need some feedback from Reddit.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

“It’s literally the one thing that’s about supporting female friendships lol. Read the room, no boys allowed.” – SlinkyMalinky20

“Your friend saying they’re package deal is absolutely ridiculous. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 18 years. There are definitely times that he goes hangs off with his coworkers who are all men. And I sometimes do my own thing.”

“I only believe in the package deal thing if you know the couple of a wedding and then they only invite one spouse and it isn’t for space reasons.” – UndeadBuggalo

“Married 51 years…my wife does not want to be out when it’s old high school friends or similar relationships because we tend to rehash olden days and old stories and bore her. I get it, and she does her breakfast with her sisters or friends. What husband wants to come to an all girl kind of party/”

“Package deal.?..refuse the package! She can say that, but needs to accept that some invites may not work for HER PACKAGE. That’s that!” – sugarbare66

“NTA. It’s your party. A women’s only party, hence the name Galentines. You invited who you wanted to invite. He wasn’t invited. It’s in poor taste for her to try to get her husband invited. Is she not allowed to attend anything without her husband? Sounds controlling.” – Vandreeson

“Was sorting through to find this comment. How ridiculous is the ask when it also impacts the other women guests. Like this will change the entire dynamic of the event. I find people like this incredibly self absorbed and useless as friends/community members.”

“Edit: Adding that it is crazy odd that her husband would want to come to a galentines. Your controlling comment seems solid.” – MisterVS

“I’m male and work in business. I support some groups focused on women entrepreneurs and executives, and I am not allowed to even though I support them financially. The executive director was very clear that the dynamics are so different w/out men, and women tend not to be as “open” if men are included. I didn’t argue and accepted it…this dude needs to either step off or step up and tell his lady it doesn’t make sense for him to attend.” – MisterVS

“My hubby and I are also a package deal and yet even he would drop me off at your party and say ‘call me when you want a lift home’ and even offer rides to the rest of the gal’s if they want one.”

“For us, a package deal means partners who have each other’s backs, and if having each others backs means ‘giving them’ a night out with their friends for their mental health, then so be it. Unless its tradition, we assume we are both invited and since your party is something that has always been a gal’s event, my hubby would expect it to remain a gal’s event unless told otherwise.” – Environmental_Art591

“NTA, this is a cute idea, and I might start doing it with my friends, but my husband is not invited. He wouldn’t want to come anyway. I wonder if your friend’s husband is pushing this idea, or is it your friend’s idea?” – amberlikesowls

“I don’t know much about your friend’s relationship, but it’s unhealthy. I don’t know if it’s an extreme lovebird phase where they think marriage means being inseparable or if something more sinister is going on like she’s not allowed to do anything without him. It could even be a bit of both, and she’s fooling herself into accepting this ‘package’ deal.”

“No man in their right mind would want to be part of a Galentine celebration, and no woman in their right mind would ask to include a man in a female-only celebration between friends. They know that is crossing a line.”

“It’s even worse than a female thinking she can bring her child along because, in those cases, they are likely desperate for a night out but can’t get the childcare they need. Even still, those instances aren’t fair to the friends who can arrange a girls-only night out.”

“Stick to your guns. They can pout and complain all they want. Eventually, they might find their invitations drying up because this is so uncomfortable and weird for their friends. Or, they might find they actually need a little space from their husband, and I hope they are safe to claim that.”

“Feel free to maintain as much contact as you’re comfortable with in case she needs your support when this relationship unravels, but do not alter your social life for her/them. It is not necessary. NTA.” – mimka79

“Why talk to her about it? Or if you do – don’t expend much energy on it. KEEP IT SIMPLE “this is a girls get together. I respect the rules you’ve created for your marriage, but partners are not invited. If you change your mind, you’re welcome to come. But otherwise – we’ll miss you”.”

“There is nothing else to say. 🤷🏻‍♀️”

“Don’t over defend, over-explain. This is a boundary she has created for herself.”

“You are fully NTA on this!!” – Fresh_Caramel8148

“Agreed. Commenting to add, OP, your friend didn’t tell you she thinks you’re rude, she told a mutual friend. She probably recognizes deep down that you are not being unreasonable, but she still has emotions to deal with and needed to vent. She should have vented to someone else, and your mutual friend should not have repeated what she said to you, but it’s not your problem. I wouldn’t bring it up again unless she does.”

“You are both allowed to set boundaries. If she really wanted to challenge the one you’ve set, she would speak to you directly. NTA.” – Porcupine17

Overall, Redditors thought the OP refusing to include her friend’s husband was warranted, given this was strictly for the female-centric group who weren’t including their significant others.

Redditors also thought there might be other issues concerning the friend since they thought that most men tend to avoid get-togethers like Galentine’s Day parties.

The OP updated the post with some edits.

“Because a lot of people asked – this party is held on the 13th, not on Valentine’s Day.”

“Thanks everyone who has taken the time to respond. I had a lot of anxiety about this. I knew I had done the ‘right’ thing in my head. But then I second-guessed myself. Now I feel good in the boundaries I set.”

“Galentines Day ‘A day to celebrate female friendship, similar to Valentine’s Day but for friends instead of romantic partners. It’s often celebrated on February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day.’ it’s for all female friendships and not just singles.”

“My friend ended up reaching out to me. She said that her husband is uncomfortable with ‘girls nights’ or events that he cannot attend. He told her ‘I know what happens at girls nights’. I guess he was cheated on in his previous marriage, and he said he worries a lot.”

It sounds like the problem may be more related to separation anxiety and trust issues.

Hopefully, the couple can work this out instead of having the friend project underlying issues onto our OP.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo