Giving advice on love, marriage and relationships in general is always a precarious situation.
So be sure you have the right things to say.
Because a lot of “good” ideas can go wrong.
Case in point…
Redditor AdQueasy3077 to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my best friend dumb for ‘marrying for love?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) am in a very stable relationship with my fiancée (29 F) for around 4 years and we are planning to get engaged eventually and then marry.”
“My best friend Chrissy (fake name and also 27 F) has been with her own fiancé since they were 20.”
“They only got engaged this year and it was kinda weird how it took him so long to propose since he seemed to be financially stable and all.”
“Throughout the years I asked Chrissy why her fiancé hadn’t proposed yet and she kept insisting it was not the right time.”
“But she’d never say the reason why, just that it wasn’t the right time.”
“Eventually he proposed in the beginning of 2022 and they’re planning their wedding for next year.”
“They decided to plan their engagement party during summer time because due to busy schedules they couldn’t do it earlier.”
“So their engagement party was this past Saturday.”
“And her fiancé made a speech dedicated to her and mentioned pretty much the reasons they didn’t get engaged sooner and I couldn’t help but pity my friend.”
“So the reasons were that he didn’t have a stable job for the first few years of their relationship and only jumped from position to position from Walmart to Target etc.”
“He hadn’t finished his degree yet so he had no higher education.”
“He got his degree in 2019 and only then was he able to get a proper job.”
“He bragged and also ‘thanked’ Chrissy for never giving up on him and growing with him and how they helped each other form their amazing personalities and achievements.”
“And how no matter what the future holds he’ll never forget etc.”
“My fiancée and I felt some type of way about it.”
“Some friends of mine and Chrissy agreed how Chrissy basically stayed with a broke man and waited for 7 years.”
“And we don’t think that’s something praise worthy but pity worthy.”
“As friends we decided to explain to her our perspective of how we think it was ridiculous that she had to almost reach 30 to move on with her life with that man when someone else could provide what she needed much sooner.”
“Chrissy always said how she wanted marriage and kids and its sad she had to wait this long for this man to get his act together and she didn’t know her worth.”
“She said she loves him and he’s an amazing partner and wouldn’t break up with him over his misfortunes and what matters is that they love each other.”
“I told her it’s dumb how she’s marrying for love and not for stability and how she’s basically wasted herself for ‘love.'”
“And how the first issue should be raised when he was working Walmart and Target back to back.”
“She called us all materialistic and classist and she said she doesn’t care if she struggles financially as long as she struggles with the right person who will value her emotions and listen to her.”
“She said we are miserable b*tches who will find no happiness in life and are very shallow.”
“Could we be TAs for criticising her this way?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Re-read your last paragraph. Chrissy nailed it.”
“YTA.” ~ TR_Irisden
“People like OP lack any form of introspection, even with this verdict she will go through life believing her disgusting views on the world are correct.” ~ OddDc-ed
“OP already proved she is unable to have any introspection, to be honest… her first paragraph is hilarious considering the context.”
“Her and her (so-called) ‘fiancé’ aren’t even engaged yet.”
“Chrissy is not only actually engaged, but has their wedding planned already.”
“And Chrissy is the one who is waiting too long to get married?”
“I mean how dense do you have to be to refer to your boyfriend as your Fiancé, when you’re not even engaged?”
“I’m baffled that OP even had to think twice about whether she was TA.” ~ Grabbsy2
“OP is the same age as her friend yet states her relationship they will get engaged eventually, marry eventually and the relationship is already 4 years old.”
“Yet OP is calling her friend and old dog… OP is currently the old dog.” ~ EEJR
“When I read that he didn’t have a degree and worked his way into a place where he could get one I was impressed and also a little curious.”
“A lot—not all!—of folks who delay their degrees don’t come from families that can pay for them or, sadly, from families that don’t care about them.”
“He is a rags to riches story, which used to be the quintessential American dream.”
“But I guess the new version is to be born rich and profit off of your family’s connections and others’s labor.” ~ producerofconfusion
“Apparently it never occurred to her that maybe Chrissy didn’t WANT to be married at 23.”
“Chrissy may have had every intention to wait till she was 30 to get married either way.”
“She just found her person pretty young.”
“So she was happy to hang with him until the time when she would have wanted marriage anyway.”
“But I think OP is probably just jealous.”
“She says she’s been with her partner for 4 years and they’re ‘going to get engaged eventually’ (but clearly it’s not in her immediately future).”
“So OP may very well be looking at 7 years of dating before an engagement herself, except where Chrissy was younger and fine with that.”
“I think OP realizes she’s older and so feels the need to criticize long periods of dating because she’s afraid she’ll end up like Chrissy but older.” ~ OrindaSarnia
“All she had to do was keep her opinions to herself and she would have been fine.”
“It’s one thing to hold certain standards for your potential partners, but to try to impose those on the people around you is an AH move.”
“And what was her plan, exactly?”
‘Ambush Chrissy with her friends to ‘explain their perspective’ and leave it at that?”
“No, their goal was to break them up.”
“But especially for that ‘love’ comment, that’s f**king low.”
“People should marry primarily for love, shouldn’t they?”
“Obviously finances are a factor to some.”
“But if Chrissy didn’t have a problem waiting until they were in a better place financially (which, good call tbh) then that’s nobody’s business but Chrissy & her finances.”
“His speech sounds like it was actually very sweet, and OP is just being a see-you-next-tuesday about it.” ~ TheBeardedSatanist
“What gets me is that Chrissy and her BF were responsible in not getting married on a dime.”
“I wouldn’t have judged them if they’d gotten married anyway.”
“BF had the opportunity to prove he wasn’t a moocher and seized it with both hands, working hard to get himself to a better place.”
“Their love survived hardship. They’ll be fine.”
“OP, YTA.”
“If there had been genuine red flags, you might not be, but you’re dismissing their relationship because Christie wasn’t looking for a ‘provider’ and preferred a partnership.”
I”s your BF ok with being seen as a meal ticket?”
“If he lost every penny too, say, medical expenses, would you still marry him?” ~ allyearswift
“Based on OP’s logic, my husband should have never started dating me.”
“I’d just gotten out of an abusive marriage, got laid off right after he proposed due to the recession of 2008, and have gotten both my Bachelors and my Masters while married (he already had his Bachelors).”
“YTA OP.” ~ bdaniels2
“YTA. Without a doubt.”
“You and your friends ARE materialistic and classist.”
“If Chrissy is happy, who are you to say she is dumb for making that choice?”
“It sounds like she’s found a good man who appreciates her love and care.”
“And you just sound jealous for whatever reason.” ~ unstablechickensh*t
“I’ve got no problems with the phrase ‘felt some type of way.'”
“Usually it’s someone describing that they have an emotional reaction to something, but aren’t quite sure how to make sense of it or verbalize it.”
“It’s pretty innocuous, in my opinion. Sometimes something bothers you or entices you, but you don’t really understand why, or can’t express why.”
“The problem is that OP felt some type of way at all about what she heard, and it wasn’t positive.”
“She straight up listened to a heartwarming story of how a couple has been supportive of each other and helped each other improve their lives and basically thought ‘ew, gross.'”
“OP is the kind of person I hope never raises kids and is never in a position of any sort of power over others.” ~ mathnstats
Well OP… you are in a situation.
You may want to review how you handled this situation.
Or maybe you’re cool.
Either way… good luck to everybody.