A grandparent can be referred to by different affectionate terms, like “gran” or “nana,” depending on the household.
One Redditor who’s about to have a baby clashed with their mother-in-law about a specific request and refused to budge on their strong opinion against it.
So they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, an anonymous Redditor asked:
“AITA for not allowing MIL total choice on her grandparent name?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“We are having a baby soon and my MIL wants to be known by a foreign grandparent name instead of a British option.”
“Our family is British on both sides and we feel that it is inappropriate and strange to choose a name from another culture when she/we have no connection to that culture.”
“We aren’t dictating a name that she must have, just saying that we want her to have a traditional name from our background i.e. nan/nana/nanny/gran/granny/grandma etc.”
The OP continued:
“She has really fallen out with us over this to the point that she is no longer speaking to us.”
“All of our friends who we’ve spoken to are on our side, but they may be biased, so AITA for holding this boundary?”
“Should MIL get final say in her grandmother name, regardless of our thoughts?”
“We feel strongly about the situation and are refusing to budge on it, even though this has now caused tension in the family.”
“We didn’t want to fall out with MIL but we don’t want our child to be put in an awkward position in later life if referring to their grandmother by a foreign name results in any questions We have put our foot down.”
“Are we in the wrong?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their thoughts, and it didn’t go the way the OP was hoping.
“The first grandchild will name your mother. It really doesn’t matter what either of you choose.” –
NeitherTourist9360
“Yes! The child will decide to call her whatever. No one gets to choose what the kid decides it is. And, surprise, it might even be something completely made up.” – CatsAndDogs314
“First grandchild here. I named my grandfather Cookie. Not only all my cousins and the next generation called him that, but all the kids in the neighborhood called him Cookie (he was famous for his kite flying skills). “ – KweeNeeBee
“Yes! I am the oldest grandchild and for some reason when I was a baby I couldn’t say nana but I could say nina. I’m now 27 and there’s three other grandchildren and she’s still Nina to all of us and our grandpa is Papa. We love to mess around with our Nina so we occasionally will call her grandma and when we do she threatens us lol.”
“Not sure why in OP’s edit they said they were embarrassed to call their grandma by a different name, it’s never been something I was embarrassed about and all of my friends growing up (she basically raised us so when friends would come over a lot of the times it would be to her house) would call her Nina as well as it was easier than saying ‘Mrs OurSurname.’ Whenever I see people I grew up with one of the first things they always ask me is ‘how’s Nina doing?’ “ – cardsash
“YTA. Call people what they ask to be called. It’s literally a non-issue, why are you being so rigid about this? Do you already have a problem with her and this is a manifestation of that problem?”
“Grandparents end up getting called all kinds of things, the only thing that matters is that they love your child and are respectful of your rules for your child. Can’t imagine having a whole baby to worry about and choosing to get stroppy about ‘Granny’ vs ‘Nonna.’ ” –
FairyCompetent
“My husband & I have non traditional grandparents names (Mimzy & Geeze) so I may be biased but I think grandparents or the grandkids themselves (I couldn’t say great grandma/grandpa when I was little so I called my ggparents Gommers & Gompers) should pick the name. My mom wanted Meemah and I still don’t like it. My kids are 23 & 25 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t think I would have picked this hill to die on.” – bookishmama_76
“Honestly, YTA. The child wouldn’t care and it will be the name she will be addressed by it, not you. It should be something she likes to hear, whatever it is. My own grandmother was known as Noni (from the italian nonna) even though we are slavic-speaking country with different language and totally different words for grandmother (baba). In fact, she was known by Noni for so long, that all her friends were also calling her that, not just her grandchildren and she loved it.”
“You are being controlling over something that should not be under your control. Why do you care so much that she is called something culturally-appropriate for your background? What are you afraid of?” – atealein
“YTA, as a PopPop married to a Bubby, you are so wrong you’ve come out the other side to categorically ignorant. You are willing to offend and permanently injure your relationship because you tight-@ss can’t ‘suffer’ with a grandparent wanting a non-traditional moniker? Sounds like YOU need to address your obvious racism and Anglocentric attitude.” – No_Dependent_8346
“YTA. Who cares where the name comes from? That’s such a strange thing to be hung up on. This is something she will be called by your child. Why shouldn’t it be something she likes? People use Mimi, and Honey and Nonny etc. Let her have a name she’s comfortable with. How does it hurt you.” – StormyLlewellyn1
“YTA. Why make such a big thing of this? Don’t we all commonly accept that you call people what they want to be called?”
“A lot of people don’t like these choices nan/nana/nanny/gran/granny/grandma. Those titles sound OLD to them. It may be true that they, themselves, ARE old, but it’s jarring to them to be referred to that way. What good does it do to insist on those choices? Who is hurt by her being Abuela or something, instead?”
“You sound very rigid and uptight.” – Ok-Position7403
“Hey OP,”
“I live in Canada and, growing up, I heard the gamut of names for grandparents. Some kids, having recently arrived, used a lot of their words and we were more curious and interested than judgy. You might have been embarrassed about calling your grandma Oma, but at least one kid around you was thinking ‘awww, no fair. He gets an Oma and I’m stuck with a plain ol’ Nan.’ Little kids adapt and learn.”
“You’re sooooo blessed in two ways. 1. My one grandmother hated me and really made no secret about it where your Oma sounds like she loved you. And 2. I lost the good grandma to Alzheimer’s when I was around 7 where your son will hopefully have a loving person for a long time, no matter what he calls her.”
“Doesn’t have to be ethnic either. I don’t ever think I’ll be a traditional ‘grandma’ because I’m extremely sarcastic and I don’t suit that name. My 16-year-old son (eager to have kids) and my older NB child (working on a career first) and I have settled on Emoma. It suits me and I like the sound.”
“Cut your Oma and your MIL some slack and be appreciative of their love. Leave out your notions of what kids are capable of.”
“Good luck and Godspeed.” – FleeingFromIdiocy
“YTA.”
“You’re willing to sacrifice your future child’s relationship with their grandmother because you disagree with what she wants to be called? How about all of you hush up and let the kid decide what to call her. When baby starts saying their first words, call grandmother by ‘non,’ which is easy for baby’s to say/mimic.”
“From there, you can either add onto the sounds to make it ‘nonna’ or something similar, or you can just wait and see what the kid says in their baby talking way and go from there. I will admit that “nonnina” will not be easy for a baby to say right away, but I think you’re pretty childish for taking it to such an extreme.” – johnjonahjameson13
“YTA.”
“Y’all are seriously focused on the wrong thing. Your kid is going to call them what they can pronounce when they’re learning to talk and that will end up sticking, probably until they’re at least a teenager and too cool to hang out with grandparents, possibly forever if your kid is close enough with them the grandparent fun never fades.”
“The title is seriously the least important part of that relationship 🙄” – pithy-username-here
“YTA. And chances are she’s going to end up with whatever different name the child calls her anyway, so let her have her fun being called Oma or whatever until that happens. There are so many hills to die on and this is not one of them.” – norismomma
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was being unreasonably obstinate about her refusal to respect her MIL’s request.
They also thought the preferred name reference would ultimately be up to the child and what they will gravitate towards when calling out to grandma.