No two people have the same relationship with food.
Some people are adventurous eaters, and willing, and eager, to try everything at least once, no matter how exotic.
Others however like to stick to the familiar, seldom venturing out of their culinary comfort zone.
Often flat out refusing to eat anything containing certain ingredients.
Such was the case for the mother of Redditor Alone_Country8300, which posed a problem when their wife prepared a meal containing her least favorite ingredient.
While the mother-in-law attempted to politely decline said item, the original poster (OP)’s wife would not accept that decision, leading to some unfortunate conflict between everyone.
Uncertain they handled the situation as well as they could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for defending my mom’s ‘picky eating’ and telling my wife to leave her alone?”
The OP shared how what began as a happy family gathering slowly evolved into chaos.
“My mom is not a picky eater.”
“She will eat almost anything unless it has ketchup on or in it.”
“Also growing up I was never made to eat anything.”
“it was my body my choice and she would make me a second meal.”
“I’m not sure my wife knows about the ketchup thing as she has only cooked for my mom a few times and it just didn’t come up.”
“The two of them cannot stand each other, so I have greatly cut back on how often I see my mom, but recently she was invited over to meet our daughter and my wife asked if she wanted to stay for dinner as we were catching up and I don’t see her often.”
“My mom agreed but when she realized we were having meatloaf with ketchup topping, she only took mashed potatoes and zucchini.”
“My wife questioned her and my mom said she doesn’t eat meatloaf due to ketchup.”
“My wife said as a guest you just eat it.”
“My mom said she was sorry if someone raised my wife to believe that.”
“My mom tried to sit down and eat her vegetables but my wife blew up and demanded she take the meatloaf.”
“My mom said if she put any on her plate she would throw it.”
“I told them both firmly to stop, and my wife demanded I defend her.”
“I told her to just leave my mom alone and let her eat what she wants.”
“My wife began to yell at me that I need to defend our home and family.”
“My mom then said she was done and walked out.”
“I asked her to stay but she just walked out, and my wife did not speak to me for the rest of the night.”
“The way I see it everyone should be able to turn down food for any reason, and everyone is entitled to some foods they absolutely will not eat.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for not forcing his mother to eat his wife’s meatloaf.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s wife should have simply let her mother-in-law eat her vegetables in peace, with many finding her behavior irrational and unsettling, with many wondering if she would behave the same way towards her children.
“NTA and that’s a big red flag on your wife’s part.”
“She’s not respecting your mom’s personal boundaries, choices, and autonomy.”
“I wouldn’t be a guest for another second.”- PolylingualAnilingus
“Your wife is unhinged.”
“NTA.”
“I’m sorry she’s treating your mother this way.”
“She’s going to do this to your children too.”
“You know that, right?”
“Better get this figured out now.”-Â Defiant-Currency-518
“NTA.”
“The guest is not obligated to eat everything.”
“What if they’re allergic to something?”
“Your wife would be responsible for it.”- Around-My-Corner
“NTA.”
“That is an enormous red flag, and if she reacts this way to your child having food preferences or specific needs regarding textures or ingredients, she will actively be abusing your child.”
“You need to either find some way to work through her weird food aggression with her, or you need to split for the safety of your child, and for the rest of your actual family.”
“If she’s alienating you from your mother, and your mother isn’t absolutely insane or terrible, your wife is the problem.”- dyinginl_a
“NTA.”
“Your wife was clearly raised in a ‘you eat what’s on your plate and get zero say’ environment.”
“She needs to work on that and stop policing a grown ups food choices.”- CrystalQueen3000
“NTA.”
“Mom isn’t asking for wife to make something else.”
“She didn’t even raise a stink.”
“All she did was eat the stuff she did like, and left what she didn’t.”
“Wife knows her preferences and refuses to accommodate.”
“Maybe you need to be the one to cook dinner when mom comes over?”- DavidANaida
“As a guest in my home, I am going to make sure you are fed.”
“even if that means cooking something extra or ordering takeout while we all eat.”
“It’s not a hassle.”
“And I would never make anyone feel bad about it.”
“Why?”
“Because you are a GUEST in my home, not a prisoner.”
“NTA, but your wife sure is.”
“This is intolerably immature and toxic behavior.”
“Please wait til there are more responses to this post and then send it to her so she can get the reality check she so sorely needs.”-Â The__Riker__Maneuver
“NTA.”
“But dude I can’t imagine what your life is like if your wife is trying to exert this much control over your mom.”- MemesAndWater
“NTA.”
“I hope you are able to really look at this situation objectively.”
“A grown woman is a guest in your home, says nothing about the food being served that she doesn’t like, takes everything else but the meatloaf, and sits down to eat.”
“If you had any other person at your home, would your wife demand that they eat all the types of food provided?”
“If you had a BBQ, would your wife demand the vegetarian eat the ribs?”
“My guess is no.”
“Your wife has an absolutely unreasonable stance about your mother not eating meatloaf, while your mother acted perfectly polite and caused zero conflict.”
“It isn’t okay for your wife to act like that to a guest in your home, nor is it okay to act like that in front of your children.”
“I’m assuming a baby but I’m thinking about in the future, and it isn’t okay for her to act like that with someone you want a relationship with.”
“Do not let this go.”
“Your wife needs to get herself together when it comes to your mother.”
“You don’t delve in to the conflict between the two of them, but this type of action isn’t okay, and if she can’t control her emotions around your mother at all, then you need to be aware of that so you can plan accordingly.”- mfruitfly
“NTA.”
“You cant force guests to eat food and no one should have to eat anything.’
“Your wife honestly was a terrible host.”
“Who explodes like that?”-Â CharmedBySnakes
“Your wife was being very rude to a guest in her home.”
“You should try to make people feel welcome.”- clarkjan64
“NTA and you need to sit down and have a serious chat with your wife.”
“If this is how she is about food she will try and force-feed your child in the future, stuff like that is how people end up with eating disorders.”- Sortadumbfoxesfan
“NTA.”
“My wife said as a guest you just eat it.”
“I fear for the day your daughter has a friend over and they don’t like what your wife makes, as kids are notoriously picky eaters.”
“This is a really damaging mentality as well.”
“What if someone is legitimately allergic to whatever was made, should they still eat it because they are a guest?”
“I can respect that your wife is postpartum and that is stressful in itself, but your mom made zero comments and just took what she felt comfortable eating.”
“This might be something you need to delve into further.”-Â litt3lli0n
“NTA.”
“I hope your wife is not isolating you from your mother for this type of petty reasoning.”-Â Robossassin
“NTA.”
“Your wife is though.”- Capable-Limit5249
“Your wife picked a fight.”
“People are allowed to have preferences and some people have ED or sensory issues.”
“Your wife is mean and immature.”
“NTA.”-Â sonicblue217
“NTA.”
“Let’s look at the facts.”
“Wife and mom do not get along.”
“OP limits contact with mom for wife.”
“OP and mom are catching up and the wife asks if she wants to stay for dinner, not OP.”
“Wife makes dinner and coincidentally it’s something the mom doesn’t eat.”
“Mom tries to sit and have dinner anyway with the things she will eat and wife escalates it to epic proportions.”
“Mom leaves.”
“So OP has already been limiting contact with his mom, didn’t invite his mom to stay or make dinner, somehow it’s magically something mom won’t eat, mom tries to play nice, wife makes it fight.”
“How in the hell is the OP to blame for anything in this story?”
“Whatever the mom and wife have going is not relevant to the story.”
“I know people are hoping for a petty revenge for the wife or something, but even if mom is the problem, this specific instance is the wife’s fault.”
“This feels like the wife set it up just to have the fight.”
“However, some are grasping at straws to find a way to make OP wrong in this as well.”
“It makes no sense.”-Â muskiesfan1
It’s understandable that someone might be hurt or offended when people don’t eat the food you’ve prepared, and likely worked very hard to make.
But force feeding someone food they know they don’t like doesn’t work any better on adults than it does on children.
One imagines, however, that the reaction of the OP’s wife wasn’t only related to meatloaf.
Here’s hoping the OP will be able to find a solution to this sad and difficult predicament.