When it comes to disclosing wealth, people tend to approach things differently.
If you have it, some people may choose to flaunt it while others may choose to underplay it for the sake of modesty or privacy.
But if you’re actually wealthy, is it wrong to correct someone for constantly implying that you’re not?
Redditor Barkleyslakjssrtqwe recently clashed with his wife over her misleading comments about their finances, so he turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if he was in the wrong for his actions.
“AITA for revealing our net worth when my wife constantly says we are broke and making me look bad with money?”
The original poster (OP) explained his family’s financial situation.
“I (31M[ale]) have been with my wife (30F[emale]) for 10 years now and she always has had this habit of making me look bad with our finances.”
“Whenever anything regarding spending money comes up she will always say how broke we are and she doesn’t have the money to do this or buy that.”
“The thing is we are doing well financially. We have decent jobs and combine our salary is roughly $125k/yr.”
“As of today our net worth is more than $1 million but less than 2. I had saved/invested a lot before getting married so I gave us a good head start.”
“I control the finances/take the lead but we both agreed to living a very modest life. We both have our cars from college for example (Honda & Toyota).”
“She knows everything about our finances because at least once a month I go over it with her every time I deposit money in our investment accounts or our kids college funds. For banking we have an emergency fund and I budget everything else to go straight into investments.”
“We basically stay right at $10k in our banks savings account and $500 in our checking account after bills. Most of the time there is more than $500 in our checkings, but once I pay our CC (credit card) each month I then move anything extra.”
“We always use the CC so it’s not like we only have $500 to spend. Our CC limit is $25,000.”
But despite this knowledge, his wife kept insisting to friends and family they have no money.
“A few months ago we had dinner with her friends and they talked buying a new car. My wife said something like, ‘I wish I could get a new car but I’m always broke after paying the bills. We still have our college cars!’ (Wife does not want a new car).”
“She will go on to talk about if she had money what she would want to buy and it always makes me feel ashamed. This ‘I’m broke story’ has been happening for years.”
“When we were driving home I asked her about. She understood we have the money but it’s how she feels because her bank account is always low.”
“I said I can increase our budget or keep more money in our bank if she wants. Since we are doing well I’m okay with spending more.”
“She said no and again was happy with our finances. I explained that when she says we are broke it makes me look bad and I feel ashamed.”
“It’s as though I can’t provide for the family and/or I am bad with money. She doesn’t see it that way.”
Even after confronting her about it, the OP’s wife continued her behavior.
“The same conversation has come up numerous times about us being broke. Recently, I reminded her numerous times it makes me feel and look bad in front of friends and family.”
“I told her if she keeps saying stuff like that I will reveal that we are doing well with money. I gave her a few reminders I’d eventually do this but she kept going with the I’m broke story.”
Finally the OP snapped and made good on his threat.
“At a dinner with her sister and parents the same I’m broke story came up. I piped in and said, ‘It’s weird to hear a millionaire say they are broke.'”
“My wife said, ‘Haha, I’m not though.’ And I quickly say, ‘We are millionaires and you know that. We go over our finances every month.'”
“Well the I’m broke story stopped after that and the night went on as usual. A little later the same thing happens with her friends and I use the same line.”
But this tactic only sparked more tension with his wife.
“Now my wife is mad at me for using that line and revealing roughly how much money we have. She said it seems like I’m gloating.”
“I say its better than making me look like I’m running us into the ground financially. So AITA for revealing our net worth when my wife says we are broke?”
After getting some responses, the OP added a few more details to his post about his family’s financial situation.
“Final update for now as we have a long weekend planned. Some key points I saw a lot of and wanted to give answers.”
“-I’m pretty open to us spending money and I don’t restrict her spending. She has the CC to spend money monthly.”
“Most of the month we have far more than $500 in our checking but I move anything above to our investments once I pay the CC every month.”
“I know I won’t have any big expenses then. If I do we have the CC limit and the $10k emergency cash.”
“-We live on a really cheap area and had a low cost of living. We never felt the need to upgrade until we wanted to start having kids. I didn’t have to change our lifestyle much to save a lot.”
“-My job is in demand and pays well because nobody wants to live out in my area. So after expenses I take home a lot more than I would living in a major city. Probably 3 to 4 times more net savings annually if I had to guess.”
“-She doesn’t want a new car and has told me that multiple times. She doesn’t like driving and feels comfortable with her current car.”
“-She doesn’t know what she wants to do when she retires. I know I’ll be golfing, games, and eating edibles most days.”
“I don’t do any of this much now because we have kids and they will be my focus for a long time. I maybe golf 1 or 2 times a month and that’s the only time I take edibles.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most didn’t blame the OP for wanting to call out his wife.
“NTA. She was dismissive of your feelings and was constantly lying to the people around her. It’s a classic case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”—macaroni_rascal42
“This! If she doesn’t want it continually mentioned she needs to stop crying poverty. It’s pretty simple.”—Hasagreatkid
“Yes! I grew up fairly poor, since my mom was a single mom raising three kids (seriously, we were poor. We were homeless for a bit a few times, and I thought it was a summer where we ate only ramen, chicken salad, and water, but apparently it was a few years, and we lived with my grandparents for a while (but they were super toxic, especially to my mom, so we got out of there)).”