Co-parenting after separation is hard enough with only children in the mix.
But add a dog into the equation and things really start to get complicated.
One Redditor recently shared how that can look in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA) subReddit.
The Original Poster, known as contemporary_lost on the site, shared plenty of details in the post’s title:
“AITA for not letting my ex pick up our daughter a day early so she can see her dog before it’s put down?”
OP first offered a quick sketch of the family makeup.
“I (29-year-old female) have a 9-year-old daughter, Claire, with my ex-husband, Brian. Brian has Claire Wednesday through Saturday and I have her Sunday through Tuesday.”
“When we were together, shortly after Claire was born, Brian got a dog. This dog was not young then, 6 or 7, and now must be ancient.”
“Claire loves this dog, and I’ve tried to indulge that as much as possible and the days I have her Brian will let Claire video call with him and the dog which I think is a bit extreme but to each their own.”
A recent surprise threatened that setup.
“Brian contacted me this morning saying that he had to put the dog down tomorrow, and asked if he could pick up Claire a day early so she could say goodbye.”
“I told him I didn’t want to do that and didn’t think it was a good idea to go against court ordered custody, and since he wouldn’t watch her when I had a work emergency I didn’t see why this was different.”
That led to some differing opinions.
“He said I was being overly dramatic and petty and cruel to not let Claire see her dog.”
“I don’t think I’m wrong because we’ve already set the standard that we’re sticking to the court ordered custody.”
“But he’s sent me several texts saying that I should let Claire be there, and even told her what was going on which IMO was overstepping…”
“…and I don’t think it’s right for him to contact her behind my back about something involving our coparenting.”
The whole thing left OP’s head spinning.
“Claire is also upset at me now, and I’m wondering if I’m being an a**hole now that she knows.”
“AITA for not wanting to let him pick her up a day earlier than usual?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors came out hard opposed to OP.
“Major YTA. What if a relative died? ‘Oh sorry, can’t go to the funeral. It’s not on the schedule.’ “
“These are the things that drive kids apart from their parents.”
“Don’t be the AH parent.” — Hot_Aside_4637
“YTA. ‘Overly dramatic and petty and cruel’ is spot on. Way to take your dislike of your ex out on your 9 year old, A+ parenting.”
“Also, if you hate the idea of deviating from the court ordered parenting schedule, why did you even ask him to take her during your work emergency?” — Temporary_Badger
“YTA. You should bring her to say goodbye to the dog if you don’t want to blur the custody order. The important thing here is that your 9yo should be given the opportunity to say goodbye to a beloved pet and process her grief.”
“Maintaining a custody order with your ex should not stop you from prioritizing what is in your child’s best interests. You are way to focused on not giving time to your ex, and ignoring the impacts here for your child.”
“The difference between this and your work emergency is that it will have a major emotional impact on your child.” — thirdtryisthecharm
“Oh yeah, YTA. Repeat it with with me now…I LOVE MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN I HATE MY EX. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN I HATE MY EX. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN I HATE MY EX. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN I HATE MY EX.”
“And now ACT accordingly.” — dsgurliegirl
A couple people put things into perspective.
“‘since he wouldn’t watch her when I had a work emergency I didn’t see why this was different’.”
“Because this is about your daughter, not you or him. Your work isn’t your daughter’s problem, her dog dying is. But you don’t seem to understand that. You care more about getting back at your ex than doing the right thing for your own kid.”
“You aren’t co-parenting, you’re using the kid as a weapon, not caring that you are hurting her. You give zero consideration to her thoughts and needs whatsoever, thinking only of yourself.”
“YTA big time. Why even have any custody at all if you care so little about the kid herself? She’s 9 now.”
“Only a few more years and the courts will allow her to decide where she lives. Keep mistreating her like this, and you won’t have any custody days left to lord over.” — Maskydoo
“Saying goodbye to a beloved childhood pet >>>>>>>>>>>>> a ‘work emergency.’ It won’t be much longer before Claire gets a say as to where she lives. You might want to think about that.” — b3jabbers
“YTA how do you not see that this is a big deal to your child? She is losing a family member and your answer is that he couldn’t/wouldn’t pick her up when you had a work emergency? Not every thing is about you or some petty power struggle from a divorce.” — cyncicaldreamer1
“YTA. You obviously don’t care about the dog, and that’s fine (weird, but to each their own). Your daughter cares about the dog, and you should care about your daughter.”
“It sounds like you are being petty and heartless. I was going to ask why he couldn’t watch her during your work emergency, but I don’t think that matters. Be the bigger person, OP.” — Wild_Discomfort
Despite the harsh criticism, OP was glad to hear the feedback, as she explained in an edit to the original post.
“Thank you to everyone who replied. I thought about it some more and read some of the replies and I realized I was being shortsighted and taking out my frustration from the past in a way that would only negatively affect my daughter.”
“I’ve talked to Brian and we’ve made the agreement that he will pick her up tomorrow to say goodbye and drop her off a day early.”
So there you have it.
Every once in awhile the internet really does help make things better.