The teenage son of Redditor Lanky-Cake7355 had high-functioning ASD, which normally didn’t affect how he got through everyday life.
However, the original poster (OP) recently came home to find that her son made a thoughtless decision, one that particularly upset her daughter.
The OP felt there was only one suitable consequence to her son’s actions.
Consequences that her son felt were grossly unfair.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For making my son pay for a new pizza when he didn’t save any for the rest of the family?”
The OP explained why she felt she had no other choice but to make her son pay up:
“I, 45 F[emale], have two kids: 14 M[ale] and 17 F.”
“My son has high-functioning ASD, and honestly, most people cannot tell, but it comes out in certain aspects of his relationships, such as thinking about others, compassion, etc.”
“My son also eats a lot of food- way more than someone for his age.”
“He is not overweight in any way, so the doctors have not considered this a problem.”
“Here comes the problem- for years, when we have ordered food, he has neglected to realize that the food we order is for the whole family, not just him.”
“My husband and I have both spoken to him about this multiple times and usually he just gives half-hearted apologies.”
“We are working on this with his therapist, among other issues he has.”
“On Friday, my daughter had work after school, so she drove herself there while my son took the bus home.”
“He said he was hungry, so I ordered a pizza and told him to save some for his father and sister.”
“I only took a slice.”
“Usually my daughter does not eat much (1-2 slices) and same thing with my husband.”
“That would’ve left him with five slices of a LARGE pizza.”
“About 2 hours later, my daughter comes home and sees the pizza box empty and starts balling.”
“She usually is not one to complain about food and will usually just make her own food, but she did not have time to eat before work today, and during lunch, she was making up a test, so she did not eat since breakfast.”
“I was furious at my son and deducted the money for a new pizza plus a generous tip to the delivery driver from my son’s bank account.”
“My son saw and now he is pissed.”
“My daughter thought it was the right thing to do, especially when this is about the 3rd time it had happened to her.”
“My son’s reasoning is that he doesn’t work so his only sources of income are for his birthday and Christmas, so my daughter should’ve paid since she has a job.”
“My husband and I both are on board with what I did, but idk. Is my son right?”
“We have tons of food in the house.”
“The fridge is stocked; we have snacks, ingredients, etc.”
“My son refuses to learn how to cook, even when we have offered him cooking classes.”
“Even without learning to cook, we have boxed pasta, popcorn, bread, vegetables and fruits, rice etc. all of which require no cooking ability.”
“He simply chose to eat the whole pizza.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making her son pay for an extra pizza.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s son’s ASD was irrelevant in this matter, and he needed to learn to think of others and that he deliberately ignored her request, requiring him to face the consequences for his actions:
“I ordered a pizza and told him to save some for his father and sister.”
“He knew he wasn’t supposed to eat the whole thing – that’s a very clear instruction to leave some (which would logically have to be at least two pieces since it’s for two people).”
“NTA.”
“Sucks for him in this particular instance, but maybe he’ll pay more attention in future when he’s told to leave some for other people.”- ieya404
“NTA.”
“My son’s reasoning is that he doesn’t work so his only sources of income are for his birthday and Christmas, so my daughter should’ve paid since she has a job.”
“This is invalid reasoning.”
“Neurodivergent or not, he can see that this leads to the conclusion that if you have no income, it is ok to take what you want from someone who has an income — which is theft.”
“My son does not have much money to begin with, and he is neurodivergent, which makes it difficult for him to consider others.”
“When enough consequences hit him, he will start to take others into consideration.”
“Many neurodivergent people have difficulties in empathizing with other people; fair enough.”
“He may not get how his sister feels, but once he makes the connection that being an inconsiderate hog costs him real money, he will get the picture.”
“It is your job as his parent to set the boundaries and consequences so that he can understand right and wrong.”
“Not enforcing a consequence that hurts leads to a failure to launch.”
“He may need different ways to reason through things or alternative consequences; work with his care team to get it right.”
“What you absolutely don’t want to be is That Parent who is always excusing her child’s behavior ‘because he’s neurodivergent’.”- plsuh
“NTA.”
“This is a perfect natural consequence.”
“If he was still hungry, he could have made himself some food, but he choose to eat everyone else’s.”
“He pays for that.”
“Why on earth should his sister buy him dinner?”
“It’s not about him being autistic, as he clearly knows what the deal is… He’s just a selfish teenager, and needs to learn that being selfish has consequences.”- EffableFornent
“NTA.”
“Having Autism is not an excuse for eating the entire dinner and leaving none for the rest of the family, even after being explicitly told not to do so.”
“Having autism is also not a shield against the natural consequences of his actions.”
“He ate the entire large pizza that was the entire family’s dinner, and you had to order another one.”
“It was only fair that he paid for it.”
“In the future, perhaps it’s best to affirmatively set aside the food for your husband and daughter and yourself (labeled so there can be no confusion) and then let him eat.”
“Also, there are some diseases that either lead to extreme hunger or prevent the full cues from registering in your brain/body.”- Little_Loki918
“NTA.”
“He knows what he’s doing.”
“You’ve explained it; you explained it in the moment.”
“He just doesnt think it’s reasonable and there haven’t been sufficient consequences to stop him thus far.”
“And I’m autistic, so y’all can miss me with the excuses.”
“Too many autistic men get away with doing whatever they want to women because they blame their ASD.”- TemperatureTight465
“NTA.”
“At 14, ASD or not, he has to learn that actions have consequences.”
“So, he thinks his sister should pay for his greediness.”
“That’s a big ‘no’.”- FuzzyMom2005
“Regardless of his diagnosis, there should be consequences to his actions.”
“How big was the pizza?’
“Growing kids may have out-of-bounds metabolism.”
“We have a pizza place that does personal pizzas.”
“Maybe that’s a better solution or a large for the family and a small that is his.”
“NTA.”- Kindly_Area_4380
“NTA.”
“Your son was told in advance to leave some for his dad and his sister.”
“He ignored this and ate the entire thing (save what you had.)”
“He essentially ‘stole’ what wasn’t his, so therefore, he needs to make restitution.”
“Especially given that he’s done this before, and hasn’t changed his behavior after talkings-to.”
“Maybe this time, it’ll stick.”- BlueSkyWitch
“NTA.”
“I’m sorry, but he just sounds selfish.”
“I’m basing this comment on his ‘reasoning’ that his sister should pay for her food as she works and how he should not have consequences for not following clear instructions.”
“The people I’ve met with high-functioning autism are quite capable of following clear instructions (they tend to link the clarity!).”
“They are also capable of having empathy for other people.”
“He knew not to eat the pizza.”
“He chose not to follow instructions.”- lejosdecasa
It goes without saying that the OP might feel inclined to tread carefully when inflicting punishments on her son. However, it’s also important for her son to know when he’s done something wrong and that certain behavior can’t be tolerated.
If this situation is enough to remind him to share food meant for everyone going forward, then the OP will have succeeded in teaching her son the lesson she hoped to.
If anything, she might have also succeeded in making her son interested in getting a part-time job.