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Mom-Of-Three Livid After Husband Asks To Have One Day A Week Where He Gets To Sleep In

Claudia Mañas/Unsplash

The division of labor is a major bone of contention in many marriages. And for one guy on Reddit, it turned into a conflict over something seemingly petty—sleeping habits

He wasn’t sure about how he was handling things with his wife when it came to these issues, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.

The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Kichijouten14 on the site, asked:

“AITA for asking my wife to ‘sleep in’ one morning a week?”

He explained:

“My wife and I have been married 11 years and are currently in the thick of the toughest part of our marriage. We have three young sons aged 9, 7, and 5. Needless to say, it is a very difficult time, mornings in particular.”

“My wife is a stay at home mom, but does have an online ‘mommy blog’ presence across several platforms that brings in a decent chunk of money, probably 25% of our overall family income. The thing is, for whatever reason, even with all three boys at school, she stays up very late every night, often not going to bed until around 1:00am.”

“In my 9 to 5, I have to work Sundays – Thursdays, but because of how tired (and downright crabby) my wife is every morning, I end up waking up early with the boys and doing 90% of the getting-ready-for-school routine, while she sleeps in until about 8:05am. She comes then comes down and points out all the mistakes I’ve made with lunches, outfits, whatever, and ‘corrects’ them, and I drop them off at the bus.”

“This is all to say that Saturday morning is the one morning when they don’t have school, I don’t have work, and I’d like to ‘sleep in’ until around 9/9:30am. She gets furious when I attempt this, and constantly brings up that I go to bed earlier than her (anywhere from 9pm to 10:30pm) and I should be well-rested enough. Am I the a**hole for even asking to sleep until 9:30am in this one morning a week?”

OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And they were mostly on OP’s side on this one.

“NTA. You have multiple issues in your marriage that you honestly need to draw a line and insist on marriage counseling for. The sleeping issue is one of them but her tendency to waltz in and start criticizing is a huge, huge, HUGE problem that she will at some point start doing to your kids, too, if she hasn’t already and that will fu*k them up emotionally.”

“She needs to focus more on actually BEING a caring mom and less on LOOKING LIKE a caring mom to internet strangers.” –vodka_philosophy

“NTa. How is your wife qualified to run a mommy blog if she shirks most of the parenting responsibilities off on you?” –NUT-me-SHELL

“She’s presenting herself on the internet as a great mom then refusing to *ever* get up with the kids, and on school mornings demonstrates bad parenting skills by berating you in front of the children. Do you want them to grow up thinking that is what things are supposed to be like?” –WorsePartOfValor

“I guess her qualification is that she’s good at lying.”

“NTA” –AggravatingTear2879

“NTA. Your desire sounds completely reasonable to me.”

“Since she seems to be a night owl, maybe she could pitch in with things like setting the breakfast table, packing lunches, etc. that could be done the night before, to make your mornings with the boys a little easier.” –AmazingPreference955

“NTA”

“Hi friend, a lot of these comments are pretty black and white so I wanted to throw my two cents in. A lot of people are suggesting hading out ultimatums. I find that generally puts a lot of pressure on both parties and usually ends up doing more harm then good (One feels the need to follow through on the ultimatum, the other feels attacked, everyone gets really defensive).”

“It’s really important to remember that feelings are complicated, you can love someone while being mad at them, or want to support someone when they hurt you. And thats okay, you get to choose what’s the best path for you, even if it may not be the most efficient. From the way you write this out, to me at least, it seems like you want things to get better, not end. It also seems like you want to help your wife.”

“Now I’m not catjolic myself but I have heard guilt is even more emphasized there than in other cultures, and that could be a big barrier for your wife. Feeling guilty about having a mommy blog when she doesn’t feel like a good mommy, feeling guilty for not being there to get them ready for school, feeling guilty for struggling in her marriage.”

“At the end of the day there’s a reason she goes to bed at 1am. When you feel guilty about something you’re not very likely to want to share them with another person, let alone a stranger. Now none if this means that the way you feel is okay but it may be helpful in aproaching the situation.”

“As a first step I would recommend bringing this up again during a neutral time (when you aren’t fighting and aren’t having a really good time, just a regular day). Start of by saying something like: I love you and I want us to work together on this. Make sure she knows you aren’t trying to attack or judge her by telling her about thing you feel you could improve on, or that you feel guilty about/struggle with.”

“Also add in some things she does which you think are positive (like the income her blog brings in). Make sure to keep emphasizing that you two are going to work together to fix the problems you’re having which are NOT the sole responsibility or outcome of any one person.”

“Finally you can say that a therapist is likely to see thins from a neutral perspective and are trained to help decipher what your partner is trying to communicate. Sometimes what someone says or another hears isn’t what is meant. And if that doesn’t work remind her that you don’t want to get a divorce, you want to make the good thing you have stay good and see if she’ll try it as a favour to you.”

“Of course none of this is garaunteed to help but I find that people on reddit don’t realise how much work and compassion is required for a marriage to stay happy so I thought maybe one comment that wasn’t just ‘get a divorce’would be nice.” –LovelyLittleBee

Hopefully OP and his wife can find a way to work through this.

Written by John Sundholm

John Sundholm is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.