It goes without saying that living with a disability poses numerous challenges.
Challenges that seldom leave the thoughts of parents of children with disabilities.
Indeed, so concerned are they with their child’s safety, comfort and happiness, that they will go to great lengths to ensure it.
While also having little to no patience when their child is mistreated in any capacity.
The daughter of Redditor Queasy-Cod5125 required the use of a wheelchair.
Something the original poster (OP)’s fiancé and future stepson seemed to adapt to with relative ease.
But when the OP discovered them using her daughter’s wheelchair in what she believed to be a highly inappropriate manner, she was simply unable to contain her fury.
Concerned she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for raging at my fiancé for using my daughter’s wheelchair to move bags of grass cuttings?”
The OP shared how she was furious to wake up one morning to discover her fiancé and his step son doing yard work, and using her daughter’s wheelchair as a make-shift trolley.
I (30 F[emale]) have a daughter, Hazel (8 F).”
“Hazel was born with a rare condition called tethered cord syndrome and she uses a manual wheelchair to get around.”
“Hazel’s father hasn’t been in the picture since she was a toddler, and I now have a fiancé Mark (34 M[ale]).”
“Mark and I have been together for a total of 3 years.”
“He has a son, Eddie (14 M).”
“We all live together in a house that I own in my name, which I know is a very fortunate position to be in with the housing market.”
“I inherited the house from my late dad.”
“We have quite a large yard and the other day, Mark and Eddie were doing some yard work quite early in the morning.”
“Hazel was still sleeping and I went outside to see what they were up to.”
“That’s when I noticed that Eddie was using Hazel’s wheelchair to move bags of grass cuttings and dead plants.”
“I immediately stopped him and asked him what on earth was he doing with her wheelchair.”
“Eddie sheepishly told me that Mark told him to use it and that it would be fine.”
“After taking the things off my daughter’s wheelchair, I asked Mark if this was true.”
“Mark admitted that he took the wheelchair to use it to move stuff, he said that Hazel was still sleeping and that they weren’t going to use it for long so he didn’t think it would matter or that she would even notice.”
“I started raging at Mark and yelling at him and saying that what he did was disrespectful to my daughter and that he has no right to go and take her things, let alone something that she needs to move around, and told him he’s acting like a total douchebag.”
“Mark apologized but I was still royally pissed off and went back inside the house and didn’t say anything to him.”
“Later that day he said that I was wrong for my reaction and that I was majorly out of line, especially for acting that way in front of his son.”
“I don’t think I was out of line but Mark is expecting an apology.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for yelling at her fiancé after he used her daughter’s wheelchair to haul grass.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s anger was more than justified, feeling that her fiancé not only used her daughter’s wheelchair in an inappropriate and disrespectful manner, but he could have easily damaged or contaminated it in the process.
“What if she woke up and needed to go somewhere, like the bathroom in an emergency?”
“Also, what if bugs, ticks, spiders, or dangerous germs got onto the wheelchair?”- aeterna85
“Soooo much NTA.”
“I was recently shopping wheelchairs and that is expensive, medical grade equipment.”
“It should never be used as a wheelbarrow, nevermind how disrespectful it is to your daughter!”
“Does your husband have any video games or records?”
“Try using one as a dinner plate and then see what he has to say.”- BandicootFlat5838
‘That’s like using somebody’s prosthetic hand to unclog a drain pipe.’
“Absolutely unacceptable.”- J-Jupiter
‘It is your daughter’s mobility device not a yard tool.”
“He needs to buy a damn wheelbarrow and a clue.”- Cat_Lilac_Dog22
‘That chair is an extension of her body if she requires it for mobility.”
“That’s the same as taking a prosthetic leg or any other mobility aid.”
“Your fiancé needs to learn, and teach his son, to respect your daughter, her body, and her needs, because using an expensive piece of her personal medical equipment for yard work is beyond disrespectful.”
“And aside from the mobility thing it’s just rude to use someone’s CHAIR to transport dirty leaves and grass clippings when she’ll be the one sitting in it.”- Mad_Props_
“They effectively took your daughter’s legs to help them do the work.”
“What if she had woken up while they were working and needed to get out of bed?”
“She’d be stuck.”
“Could you have been a little less rage-y in your reaction?”
“But if the tables were turned and you and your daughter had effectively left his son stuck somewhere so you could more easily do something, I bet he’d rage, too.”
“The two of you need to sit down and have a calm discussion about this so that he understands the situation better.”
“And then he needs to have a chat with his son to explain why he was wrong to tell him to use the chair.”
“And then he needs to chat with your daughter and apologize for taking such liberties with her mobility.”
“If you are all going to be a family, this needs to happen.”- The-Answer-Is-57
“You were right in the first place.”
“He disrespected you, not the other way around.”
“A wheelchair has one purpose.”
“It isn’t a wheelbarrow, a dolly or a wagon, and it wasn’t his to use for any reason.”
“Not only that but it’s your house and you aren’t married yet.”
“He overstepped, period and now he’s trying to brute force intimidate you into backing down.”
“If you really really like him, explain it very slowly to him and that his only choice is to signify his understanding and acceptance of your rules in your house.”
“Or toss him for carelessly using your daughter’s necessary medical equipment as a yard implement.”- Apprehensive_Rich556
“I can’t even begin to imagine how expensive that wheelchair must’ve been.”
“It was incredibly disrespectful that they would steal your daughters medical equipment and use it for yard work especially when there are so many better solutions.”- Miserable_Status_973
“It’s not just a wheelchair, it’s your daughter’s independence!”
“I have a mobility device, a cane.”
“For me, it’s like an extension of my body.”
“I don’t even like my roommate/best friend touching it because it’s my mobility aid.”
“It’s my understanding that a connection to a wheelchair for someone who utilizes one can be even more intense.”
“Add in that this is an expensive piece of equipment, and if they’d done something to mess it up, your daughter would need a replacement and would have to wait until one could be procured for her.”
“Add in that this is dirty work and your daughter’s chair will need to be cleaned after or her clothing might be stained or damaged, and you are more than within your rights to flip out and keep flipping out.”
“What your fiancé, and to a much lesser extent, his son, did was extremely inappropriate.”
“Please make sure they understand that her wheelchair is a part of her body they are not to touch without express consent.”- AlleyKatArt
“Who in the everlasting f*ck would think using someone’s wheelchair for yardwork is okay?”
“It’s good that it was in front of Eddie, because Eddie needed that to counterbalance his dad teaching him that sort of thing is okay.”
“So strange he thought that would be an okay thing to do.”
“It would be like taking someone’s prosthetic arm while they were sleeping and then use it to shovel snow.”
“The f*ck?”- jmaen72
‘Wheelchairs are very costly!”
“I have several friends who have had to replace or repair them within the last few years.”
“Of course, cost isn’t the most imp reason.”
“This seems very disrespectful and thoughtless of your daughter.”
“Her wheelchair was being used as a wheelbarrow!”
“Not ok on many levels.”- Wishiwashome
Perhaps the OP’s husband should consider how he would feel if the OP, or anyone, filled the back seat of his car with bags of dirt, grass, or manure.
Items which would leave behind stains, and odors, which would take considerable effort to clean.
Only, unlike the wheelchair of the OP’s daughter, he doesn’t rely wholeheartedly on his car for mobility.
Hopefully something he will consider before he waits too long for the OP to apologize.