The key to being hospitable is sharing, and opening your house to everyone.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to share everything with everyone.
Indeed, some items might hold too much emotional value, and some places are too sacred to share with others.
Sometimes including one’s family.
Redditor throwra4t33 was less than thrilled to discover that their live-in mother-in-law had begun to take up a routine in place which wasn’t rightfully hers.
While her husband wasn’t bothered by this, they most certainly were, resulting in some unfortunate tension between the two of them.
Worried that they might have overreacted, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to let my husband’s mom nap in my room?”
The OP explained how they felt their mother-in-law was pushing boundaries after beginning a recent habit, and was disappointed that their husband didn’t see eye to eye with them.
“My husband’s mom moved in with us a week ago.”
“The minute we were informed she was going to move in, temporarily til her house gets renovated, we’ve emptied a room specifically for her.”
“It has everything, a bed with a frame, curtains, mounted TV, wardrobe etc…”
“She was thrilled with it and loved it a lot.”
“One day I came home and found her in my bedroom sleeping in mine and my husband’s bed.”
“I was confused but she told me she took a nap on the bed and lost track of time.”
“Since then she started talking about how she loved the nap there and started hinting wanting to take naps in the bedroom from now on.”
“I kept ignoring her comments til my husband sat me down and told me that his mom really liked and ‘got used’ to napping in our bedroom and we should just let her have her daily afternoon nap in the room.”
“I said ‘absolutely not’ and we started debating.”
“I told him his mom is being ridiculous because she has a whole room upstairs where she should nap.”
“He got upset and said that I was making his mom feel uncomfortable and unwelcome with this attitude.”
“I said NO and refused to negotiate.”
“He called me selfish and mean for saying no and preventing his mom from feeling comfortable at ‘his house’, but I reminded him that I pay full mortgage for the house while he blows money over gadgets and consoles.”
“He accused me of bringing old disagreements in this current conflict to use against him.”
“I said no again and that he should stop pushing because I need the room for when I get home feeling exhausted from working on my feet from 6am.”
“He’s refusing to speak to me til I agree and let his mom have her nap in there.”
“AITA for choosing this hill to die on as he says?”
“Am I being difficult?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to request her mother-in-law stop napping in her bed, and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that a bedroom is a personal space, and the OP’s mother-in-law shouldn’t have presumed it was OK to nap there, particularly after they made a special room just for her, and the OP’s husband should realize that.
“You state that you ‘were informed’ that his mother was ‘going to move in (temporarily….)’.”
“It doesn’t sound like this is something that you offered, or were even asked about.”
“So that’s an issue to begin with.”
“But on to your question.”
“No, absolutely NTA.”
“Your marital bed is sacred space.”
“NO ONE should enter a married couple’s bedroom except the spouses without an explicit invitation.”
“How dare she be so entitled as to just march in and help herself to your private space?”
“If MIL doesn’t find the guest room to her liking, she can get herself a hotel room or AirBNB.”- Sha-Nanegins
“So confused as to why his Mum wants or needs to nap in someone else’s room?”
“He wants to make her comfortable at your expense, you work hard and pay the bills you need to come home and feel comfortable.”
“He’s being selfish and disrespectful expecting you to give up your personal space like this.”
“Still just confused about her wanting to nap on your bed?”
“Die on this hill.”
“I would HATE it if someone napped in my bed.”
“My bedroom is my sanctuary.”
“Get a lock for your bedroom door if you must – but this is ridiculous.”
“And tell your husband to grow the FU.”
“Your problem is not with the mother-in-law I think you already know that it’s with your husband.”
“He needs to support you in your dealings with his family but instead of doing that, he is making the situation worse.”
“You’re already hosting his mother.”
“She is lucky enough to have her own room when most people don’t even have spare rooms.”
“If there is a problem with her room, your husband needs to fix it so she is comfortable.”
“But she cannot take over your room.”
“Your room is private and off limits.”
“Sometimes people show us who they are.”
“Your husband is not only behaving destructively by refusing to support you and creating unnecessary drama, he’s not ‘speaking’ to you like he’s in high school.”
“He is being very immature.”
“I don’t lightly recommend counseling because it’s expensive and hard to find a good counselor, but he won’t listen to you.”
“So I think you need it at this point.”
“Maybe a third party can get through to him.”
“What he is doing is damaging your relationship.”- Antstst
“Why is she so obsessed with sleeping where you and her son f*ck?”- Melmoth_Milton
“What an odd request from your MIL.”
“You stay in your bedroom.”
“Your husband and MIL can share the guest room together.”- stacity
“As someone with an ah for a MIL myself, I spent your entire post cringing and shouting from my side of the laptop screen.”
“Boot his mom the f*ck out of your house and send your hubby along with her if they both keep prioritizing someone who pays zero bills’ comfort over yours, the one who actually owns the home.”- notlucyintheskye
“Beds are very personal.”
“I would not want anyone other than my husband and my kids on my bed.”
“There is something else going on here.”
“It reminds me vaguely of an animal trying to mark territory and assert dominance.”
“It also makes me think you are dancing on a slippery slope of boundary pushing.”
“What is she going to do next?”
“Wear your clothes?”
“Ask you to sleep in the spare room and let her have your bed since she likes it so much?”
“I would draw a firm line here.”
A”lso, sounds like marriage counseling might be in order.”
“There are definitely some simmering resentments here.”
“Why isn’t he paying on the mortgage?”- roomforathousand
“Just ask her point blank why she wants to nap on the bed where you have sex with her son.”
“Make sure your husband is there when you ask.”
“Make her as uncomfortable with the idea of being in your bedroom as possible.”
“Leave sex toys out, strategically place underwear around the room, whatever you have to do.”-JaxOmen
“She has a whole room and bed for herself, it’s not like she’s sleeping on a couch.”
“Both of them are unreasonable and most people wouldn’t want mom napping in their marital bed if there was no need for it.”- CrystalQueen3000
“It seems like she is looking for opportunities to be nosey and go through your belongings.”
“Unless…. Info: does she have some kind of mobility issue, where she can’t get upstairs easily?”-ArcheryOnThursday
“That’s your private sanctuary.”
“You’ve gone to the trouble of providing an appropriately-furnished room for her.”
“She should park her ass either there or in the more public areas of your home.”- ArtShapiro
“This is very weird behavior on her part.”
“Is there any objective reason she prefers your bed?”
“Is it more comfortable, the room more quiet, cooler idk?”
“This is the only thing I would ask her and if yes, try to fix it in her room.”
“Otherwise this is definitely a hill to die on.”
“It’s kind you let her live with her. If she starts off like this I see waay more issues in the future.”-Mindless-Warning-504
However comfortable the OP’s bed might be, it’s hard not to feel that their mother-in-law is being somewhat ungrateful by demanding to nap in her bed.
It’s equally surprising that the OP’s husband isn’t bothered by this, after they both worked so hard to give her a comfortable room.
Hopefully, this will prove to be a minor problem which will all blow over fairly quickly.
Otherwise, the house of the OP’s mother-in-law might not be the only thing that needs fixing.